OOC - Read This especially Xi & Atshi

OOC: Jaxx, I apologize for anything I have done wrong, but it's always more lively when people are on the run aren't they? Now, who wants to joint the chase? Also, another note, I believe that you guys didn't see my face the entire time in the previous breakout.

ANSWER: Yes but the story still needs to make sense. When you write these type of RPs ask yourself the following: Why am I doing this? How do I know these people? What type of response will I encounter? Will it be easy or hard to do what I am about to do? Am I telling a story or just flexing my muscles in the mirror to show off?

Now to answer your question you were recorded the entire time since you walked through the school. Seriously, how many buildings have you walked in and not seen any security? To assume a high tech school for super heroes has never been attacked or broken into is rather silly. Over time and several attacks later the school upgrades the defenses to protect against new types of attacks just like any other company would.

Example: So the idea of just walking into a "Bank" and breaking into it with brute force may seem easy for a super powered person but the cops will still come after them and shoot at them.

I know you guys are excited to RP but if you think the others are really into your amazing yet questionable break away and want to chase you all all over the world, just re-read the last fifty posts. It is dominated by 3 members with very little participation from anyone else.

If anyone is going to go after you all it would be a member of the League of Heroes and not some students trying to deal with their personal baggage at school. Instead of quick little snips try writing a one page story that describes what your character is feeling and thinking instead of 2 or 3 random sentences and then posting. What is happening is that you are posting confusing information at a high speed rate and leaving everyone out of the story.

OOC: Question of the day, who is my character named after? Hint, corruption.

ANSWER: Xi if a stranger read your posts they would be very confused. Role playing in your head makes it difficult for others to follow along with your character's mindset and actions. You need to explain why your character is doing what they are doing so the readers can follow along.

Example: Bob sneaks into the bank and takes the manager's pen. Then Bob goes across the street to get a coffee. Then Bob asks for a glass of water at the coffee shop and looks at a woman in a red dress. Then Bob goes back to the bank and sets himself on fire to rob the bank. Then Bob stabs the manager with the pen he stole. Then Bob teleports to a secret hideout and watches cartoons for the rest of the day with the woman in the red dress.

This story line has a lot of holes and raises a lot of questions. Who is Bob? Why is he doing weird stuff? Why is he robbing a bank? Why is he on fire? Why didn't he burn to death? Why isn't the sprinklers putting out his fire? Why did he kill the bank manager with a pen? Where are the cops and bank guards? How can he teleport? Why is he watching cartoons in a secret hideout? Who is the woman in the red dress? What is up with this story?

OOC Xi was chatting with Sani when he got a text message.

"Sani, you two need to get out of here. I'll worry about myself, they don't know who I am and I can mask my power if it need be."

"Here take this."

Xi handed them two small pieces of paper, which instantly dissolved as he told them how it was a mind link which connected them.

"You must be gone, quickly."

Atarishiana's eyes were still blue as she asked, "Where are you going?"

"To throw them off. Hurry!"

ANSWER: Your snip of a story line is flimsy and barely makes any sense. Your making the mistake of telling yourself the story and making small notes for us to read. You remind me of a chemistry professor I had in college that was a terrible teacher. When he explained how to solve a formula for a chemical reaction he wrote the problem down and then as he did the reaction in his head he wrote only part of what he was thinking about and then wrote the answer. To him it made since since he knew how to do the problem but to the rest of us he skipped like ten steps in the middle. It was no surprise he had low grades and poor reviews on his class on a regular basis.

You need to focus on telling us the whole story since we have no idea who your character is or why they are doing what they are doing. Just saying I am evil is a weak explanation.

Example: Bob was stressed out from being used and abused by people his whole life. He never knew the love from a family or friends since he was raised in a poor orphanage till he ran away and lived on the streets. Bob grew up in a harsh environment and was bullied by others his whole life. Then one day while some gang members were mugging and beating him for the little money he managed to scrape up. While Bob was in agonizing pain from his non-stop beating his rage welled up and his body caught on fire. This of course freaked out the gang members as they were shocked to see a man ignite like that. In a fit of rage Bob got up and attacked the gang members. The gang members screamed in agony as Bob burned them all alive. Once Bob was alone and his rage calmed down he saw he no had the power to strike back at all those who ever hurt him. From now on he would burn all those who ever crossed him and now Bob was no more for his name was Inferno.

This was a simple background story line to explain why Bob is evil. If you ever watched a show or read a comic this is a big tradition in developing any character. If you can't expand your writing skills it will eventually destroy this RPG since no one will want to be on it.

Thanks,
Jaxx

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