Feeling small

Indira went still and dropped her gaze, she pressed herself harder into the wall almost like she was trying to shrink "I'm not...I....I was just stating how I felt....from birth I was trained to aid your people...not join them...my grandmother made it very clear I could never join your people's world.." She said in almost a whisper. She held her arms like she was trying to comfort herself "d-don't change the subject....tiger or not ill put you in a cage if you....act up again" she said trying to sound intimidating.

"Why would Esme tell you that?" he asked, confused. "I offered to convert her many times to save her life. I know she didn't want it because she loved her husband and didn't like the idea of out living him for centuries, or finding anyone else. I respected that she loved only one when most humans don't. But you, like your grandmother, are special and we know you are my lifemate. Esme could have been one as well. She knew you would have been able to be converted because of your abilities. That doesn't sound like the woman I came to respect, and even turned to for guidance every now and then."

"my mother.....she was....she was a lifemate" she said still not looking at him

"I see," he said. "I don't believe I met your mother. Tell me about her."

"I don't remember much about her...she was killed when I was three" she said still looking away from him

"And your father?" Grigore asked. "He was a Carpathian, yes? Why was your mother not converted?"

"They never found each other..." she said in an uneven tone "my grandmother refused to tell me what happened...all she said was that the reason my mother died was because she was a lifemate...." she said fidgeting, he felt it then, her fear of him

"Was she claimed?" he asked. "Unless she took her own life because she knew you would have been cared for, that wouldn't have happened. She would have lived a half life until you were old enough to live without her. I need to hear the whole story, Indira. If your grandmother was alive, we would go ask her. However, we will have to go back to your cabin and look for her journal. She would write in it daily, so I believe we will find the whole story there."

She shook her head "My grandmother told me my father was human....he was killed by with her by the same vampire....my...my mothers lifemate" I dont remember much of that night...I remember a woman....with white hair... fire....and the sounds...the sounds.." she said covering her ears

"I am sorry I made you remember such a tragedy," he said, hugging her. "But that is not what will happen to us. The loss of your family is regrettable, and should have been prevented. It must have happened when I was either severely injured or away, because I would have known if a vampire was on my land. I am so sorry, Indira."

The hug caught her off guard "I said I would put you in a cage....so...so let go or...Ill..Ill" she trailed off and he felt her new fangs brush his chest through his shirt

"Feed, my lifemate," he said, exposing his neck. "It's okay. You will find this tiger is not able to be caged, but he can be tame when he feels like it."

She laughed and covered her mouth looking embarrassed, the sound of her laughter danced over his skin "yout not truly tamed if you choose to be" she said with humor in her tone. It had been the first time he had seen her smile and heard her laugh

"You're even more beautiful with you smile," he said. "And you may take the animal out of the wild, but you can't remove the wild from the animal." He bent down and whispered seductively in her ear. "And you don't want to try. You like how I am, but your fears blind you to it. We will destroy those fears together."

Her heart slamed in her chest and she felt her face grow hot and her knees start to shake from the fire that started in her belly "I-I disagree...not one thing good has happened....it seems the wild works against me....you have yet to show me anything good..." She said trying to back away but she was against the wall and could go no where

"Then, allow me to show you something good," he said.

He waved his hand and the entire inside of the cave looked like her home. He made sure she knew it was an illusion, but he put her at peace, none the less. He went to the mantle and looked at the pictures.

"I saw these in your mind when your shields went down," he said. "I thought I would have time to fix the broken door before you awoke, as well as make the house secure, but you rose far too soon. This is the best I can do."

She looked around and tears formed in her eyes "I...understand the gesture and I think your sweet for it but.... it's not the same....that place is not just a home...its family...every crack....every piece and inch of that place has a memory about it.....its the only place I can see them" she said looking around...its the only place were I did not feel scared or lonely" she said as a tear fell from her eyes

"I don't have a place like that," he said, not looking away from the pictures. "It must be nice to have been able to call a place home. To have memories built into the structure around you. I moved around a lot, was taught to battle myself and my enemies since I was born, and rarely saw anyone besides my parents. Even when I would visit your grandmother, she had us meet in different places. I have never been in one place so long before. There have been nights where I would have to move caves three times before being able to rest. I envy you."

"envy? envy what? I dont have that anymore....for year now I have been alone....without the people you love...the things you cherish the most become the most painful"

"You had a place to call home, even after they were gone," he said. "I feel that when I look at you, but you still deny me. You have someplace to return to every night and feel loved, even though you say you are alone. I may have had my parents, and I do love them, but my life was based on the fact that I was more susceptible to the darkness than others. My life wasn't about having a home to go to when things got tough. It was going through this existence, relying on myself to get through everything. If I couldn't do it, I trained until I was exhausted but finally achieved the ability to be separated from everyone and everything. In reality, the walls of your home... they make me feel trapped. And no one wants to be around a trapped animal."

With that, the illusion disappeared. Grigore couldn't look at Indira. He didn't feel trapped with her, but what she had, he knew he would feel trapped there. That made him feel like he couldn't be a proper lifemate to her.

"there is something you should know....I" she went to take a step forward but trailed off when the room started to spin

He went to her and entered her mind. He was able to get her to feed from him and moved away. He had the length of the room between them.

"You needed to feed," he said simply. "Now, you can finish what you were saying."

She put her hand to her lips, his taste still in her mouth, it made her lose her train of thought for a moment "I.....um....." she said lingering for a moment longer "I....would you like to visit my grandmothers grave....you said you knew her.." She said. He could tell that was not what she was going to say by her guilty expression

"We can't with that woman targeting you," he said, rubbing the back of his head. "It is too dangerous right now, but we will in time, I promise. I'm going to go to the hot springs."

He started taking off his shirt, stiffening at the pain, unknowingly letting her see his scar on his back again. He started to walk past her, his face stony, a sign he was hiding something. It surprised her that she knew that.

"Liar....I thought you said you would tell me the truth....keeping things from me is the same as lying and...." she trailed off when he looked at her, she bit her bottom lip out of nervousness and wince when she cut it with her fang, she had forgotten she had them, she felt the warm liquid form on her lip as it started to bleed

He wanted to give in to the temptation she unknowingly offered but he didn't look at her as he said, "I'm not normal, Indira. I was conceived when my mother shouldn't have been able to have children. Because of dark magic, I came into existence. Every breath I take goes against nature. Don't you understand? I'm an abomination because I was born because of a dark spell, and not even someone of the light like you can change that! My mother's life was a living hell simply because I exist!" He clenched his fist. "Now, I even ruin your life. I've come to accept that I can't have what other Carpathians have, that nothing will be able to fix what some twisted mage did. My parents are good people, and my existence was not a joy, but a burden. They had to hide me away. If the Carpathian people knew about me, they would have asked the prince to have me destroyed, and rightly so. I shouldn't exist. But I do, and I can't even give you simple things without hurting you!"

HSe took a step back from him, startled by his yelling "I'm sure your mother does not feel that way....and if you are a mistake..then I am too right? So maybe Im not your lifemate..." she said in a tone that sounded like she believed it. Yet even still she found she didnt want him to leave. She didn't want to be alone in this new scary place especially with everything changing for her and her being converted. But it was more then that, she didn't want him to leave and she didnt want him to think he was a mistake. She held out a shaken hand and went to touch his arm, she was inches away from doing so when she retracted it and let her hand drop "Im sorry....I think my grandmother was right...I was never suppose to be a lifemate..." SHe said taking a step back away from him "even so though I dont think you were a mistake...nature does not make a mistake..if you were born its because you were meant to be born and if your family fouhgt so hard for you then obviously they dont think your a bruden but someone worth fighting for..." She said softly not meeting his gaze

"You don't understand," he said," he said. "You are my lifemate. I said the binding words and connected our souls. But every time my mother looks at me, it's like she sees me turning vampire in front of her. She always looked at me with worry in her eyes. I know I was burden because a normal child would have been able to be around others, even his own brother. But I couldn't. I was taken away and told I couldn't be around others, like I was a disease that could infect everyone I ever saw!" He moved away from her. "Nature didn't create me, magic did. But the instant I heard you in the prince's head, your voice filled me in way nothing ever could. I finally felt hope, like maybe you could see who I really was and show the world I wasn't... a monster. But you looked at me, still look a me, like I'm trying to... I don't know. But you don't look at me like a lifemate should. You are my world, Indira, but you see me as the monster I am. I don't deserve someone like you, who is so filled with light they shine brighter than the sun could ever hope to. I'm so filled with darkness... even you, my beautiful lifemate, fear me, even though I could never hurt you. If I could leave and know you would be happier without me, I would let you go and be happy until the end of your days, but it is too late for that. Because I have bound an angel to me, I fear I have truly become a demon that is only a few steps below the dreaded vampire. How can I ever hope for you to grow to love me?"

"your words show me you don't know me at all....I cannot show anyone anything, your actions show them who you are not me...and I am no angel...and you have hurt me" she said wrapping her arms around herself. She looked around like she was getting overwhelmed, her heart beating faster in her chest

"I'm sorry," he said. "I never meant to hurt you. I know what I said isn't true all the time. I just... with everything that happen, I don't feel like I'm in control anymore. I could have prevented you from being hurt so many times." He smiled at her. "I know I haven't been alone, and why my parents did what they did. I also know that the magic doesn't make me evil. But hearing what that woman said, I felt I was the cause of your pain. Thank you for letting me get it out." He became the serious man she knew. "Now, let's figure out something about your memories. My mother is waiting... and laughing at me. Still, she is willing to bring back your memories slowly. Let's go."

She didnt move but looked like she was looking past him, he saw her green eyes get unnatural darker, until they were not her bright green eyes but a dark emerald green, so vibrant and standing out against her pale skin. Her eyes looked as if they were following something behind him

"Indira, what is it?" he asked. "What is wrong?"

The sound of his voice got her to look at him, her eyes went back to normal "um nothing...lets go" She said taking a step forward and then stopping "um are you going to put a shirt on?" she asked and then suddenly realized she was naked. Had she been naked this whole time?! how could she not have noticed!. With a gasp she dropped into a squating position and used her legs and arms to cover herself "Pervert!'

"Indira," he chuckled. "Here."

He put her in a beautiful dress that showed off every curve. He removed any sign of dirt and made her hair shine brightly.

She still stayed like that even though she was dressed "it does not count now! you have been staring at me this whole time! oh god why didnt I notice" she said covering her face

"I saw you when I completed the binding," he pointed out. "It's okay. Soon, it won't matter if either of us is naked because we will be happy to be with each other."

She looked up and for the first time she growled, it echoed the room, it was soft yet deep, she saw something in his eyes change and so did his posture

Desire shot through Grigore. He wanted to go to her and kiss her into submission. He didn't bother to hide how his pants became tight. He took a step towards her and held out a hand to help her up. He planned on kissing her until she was breathless, but he had to get her to accept his help to stand first.

The way he towered over her made feel a weird sensation in the pit of her stomach, the way he was looking at her made her feel like he was going to devour her. She felt in taking his hand there would be no going back, which scared her. She looked up at him, unknowingly in doing so he could see straight down her dress. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips parted slightly and exposed her small feminine looking fangs. She felt a powerful sensation filled the room that made her want to comply with him, it was a very dominating feeling that made her heart pound in her chest. Slowly she reached her hand towards his "you...are not off the hook...yet" she said finally taking his hand

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