The Ball Rolls 5
Kiam couldn't take it anymore. He informed the prince and Gregori of what happened.
"I already have Zacarias going to fetch Amera," said Gregori. "She can go first while I check out Amora. I'll have Rafael act in my stead as Darius wants to support his daughter."
Mikhail sat at the head of the large dining table and said, "Understandable. Very well. Let's get this started so that we can start readying for tomorrow.
With that they all took their seats while gregori went to kiam's cabbin to examine Amora. When he got there he knocked and kiam was instantly there and let him in, He took him straight to Amora "just....be gentle" kiam said in a heavy tone. Amora laid in the bed with her eyes closed, she was on her side curled up.
"Seems he had a stronger hold on her than you estimated," said Gregori. "In playing into her hallucination, she has regressed."
"How...badly.." he asked. Gregori went into the fog of her mind to find she was trapped in a endless loop, all around her was darkness, it was cold, no light no sound , she was crying out for help and he felt like her soul was being ripped to shreds
"She is so far into her own mind that it threatening to destroy her," he said. "It is the darkness everyone has, even our women. Doubts, fear, every dark emotion one can feel is there. But he turned that into a weapon by making her submit to him." He looked at Kiam. "As much as I want to help with this kind of healing, it isn't something I can do. You have to do this. Instead of being afraid of being seen like him, do what is good for your woman and pull her out of that hell."
"And what happens if I can't" he asked in a serious tone
"He said. "She will slowly waste away. If her own lifemate can't save her from that pain, then what hope is there? You have to find the strength now to fight for her. The slips in memories are nothing compared to what she is facing now."
He told a deep breath and said “excuse me for a moment...please watch over her for a moment “ he said and left the room
Gregori reentered Amora's mind and said, It's okay. Kiam is coming. He sat next to her. I am sorry that I cannot get you out of here, Amora. But it is not my place to save you. He looked around and shivered. I hated this place. No good comes from living here. I bet the memories that have you stuck here are bad.
She didn’t speak nor feel but the blackness around him changed, he was n a thick dark forest, looking down at a small stream, he could smell smoke and he felt sick and weak. He looked down and he was covered in blood, he felt cold, no hope only despair and acceptance. Suddenly a deep pain ran down his back, he could hear the tearing of flesh but was to weak to even scream from the pain. He fell head first into the icy water.
He didn't struggle. I see. He did this to you over and over again. But that is not Kiam. Even if it is dim, try to remember him and let him fill you. He claimed you, said he was yours. He can defeat this, as all lifemates do.
The darkness shifted again, once more he was standing and covered in blood looking at the water, his head turned slightly back to see a burning mansion and a flash of jaguar fur before he once more fell into the icy water. This time he didn’t surface right away, all he knew is once second he was cold and the other he felt warm, at peace, finally at peace and then it was over in a second. He woke up screaming in a cave. His body felt like it was dying and the pain was unbearable. He saw himself and the others that were there the night the revived herno peace for me...I’m in hell
No, Amera, he said. A young man needs you. As you suffer, so does he. Just as you dispel his darkness, he will do the same for you. He will bring you happiness you have never known, laughter in your darkest hour, and so much more. I, too, lost hope. But then I found my lifemate. I gave her five years before I claimed her. It was my gift to her, knowing the man she would be tied to for all time. Kiam is willing to give you so much more. He stays with you constantly instead of hunting, his calling. He wants to destroy the man that brought you so low with his own hands. Yet, he is with you, giving you an anchor in a world that is familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. He is giving up his own life so that you have a chance at it.
Everything went black again and he saw her curled up on her side in the blackness, she was the only thing he could see she was glowing a soft bright light but barely, he knew this was her true mind, the one hidden in all this darkness
He went up to her and said, Hello, there. You look tired. Want me to wait with you until Kiam comes back, Amora?
At first nothing happened but slowly he felt her acknowledge him is that what I will become....so heavy with dark...like you
No, Amora, you will not, he said honestly. Unlike me, you won't live centuries carrying the darkness and helping it grow. I am a hunter, so every kill, every vampire or enemy I destroyed, brought me closer to ruin. You have a young man to make your darkness go away. And you are naturally of the light. Darkness cannot defeat one such as you.
even the light has dark.... she said in pain
Ture, just as it's opposite can be said, Gregori stated. But I came out of my darkness. I had help from my lifemate, who willingly shared her light despite what I did to her. You have the same type of person. Kiam, by our definition, is still a child. He has a rose-tinted view of the world despite all he has seen. Yet, he sees the pain you are in and is willing to do anything to make it better, to guide you back to the light. I took Savannah's hand and she got me out of that hell and brought me back to the land of the living. Will you do the same with Kiam, or will both of you fall?
do you have children
Yes, he said. Two girls a little older than you, and three triplet boys. My lifemate is with them now.
are you scared
Every parent is, no matter how many children they have or if they acknowledge it. But, no matter how scared I get, they bring me a joy I could never have without them. Just as my lifemate is my treasure, so too are they. I would give up everything for them.
I never wanted children....I don't even want to be alive.....
And that is why you are stuck here. It isn't that you suffered, it is that you have decided that the memories are too hard to live with and what your child represents. However, there is another side to all of that. Your child chose you to be their mother, knowing you would love and protect them as no other could. They loved you before they were ever conceived. And Kiam will give you a reason to live. He fights for you every day, trying to keep you from this place. He feels he has failed you so many times, he's on the verge of joining you here. Once both of you fall to this place, there will be no return.
don't give me that Carpathian crap, I'm not Carpathian and you don't know what it's like to be what I am, leave me alone
You are one-third of the way into our world, Amora. And that's why I'm not the one to save you. Kiam is. What do you think he sees each time you both sleep? What do you think he watches when you fall back into those memories? You aren't the only one who suffers.
I don't care I don't even know him, it's not my problem, I never wanted to be a lifemate and I don't want to now, leave me alone! she said and he was pushed back into his body with a unseen force
Gregori sighed and said, "Well, this makes things difficult. Kiam, I know you've returned. How would you get her to come out? Think. Because if she doesn't, I will not hesitate in my actions."
"And what actions would those be gregori" he asked in a low tone
"If she doesn't come out of this and you fall," he said, "I will not hesitate to destroy both of you. You both will be in the next life together and there is no fear of you turning Sange rau."
He nodded even though it was clear he was tense "gregori.....I'm young...I'm clueless here" he said in a defeated tone
"This isn't something that has to do with age," said Gregori. "In your place, even an ancient may be at a loss. This is something a lifemate can do. Only you can do this. I tried to help her to accept your help, but instead of hearing the advice I intended to give, she fought back and looked at the darker side. Being the Dark One, I'm used to that." He put his hand on Kiam's shoulder. "Speak with your heart. I will go in with you to lend aid when needed, but you must talk to her and guide her out with love. Just as you are young, so is she. If you must, perform the second exchange, but I wouldn't suggest doing that unless her life was at stake."
With that they went in, once more she was laying down and curled up in the dark
Amora! Kiam yelled going to her and reaching for her. This is where you've been hiding! Please, come back with me.
leave me alone! she said and she moved further away
He was a loss for a moment before a thought hit him. This was Amora, his lifemate. And not Amelia.So, you're just going to let Drago win?
The air seemed to grow colder shut up
Hiding like this instead of embracing life and a future, it's the same as letting him win. Face it, you're proving him right, right now. Refusing to get up and get out of this, you are proving he is the stronger mage.
There was a loud, intimidating knock on the door, causing Amera to jump.
The door swung open and Zacarias was standing there " it's time follow me" he said and turned and started walking and she knew she better keep up. He took her to the main cabbin and opened the door when she went in she sat in the chair that was in the middle of the room.
"Rafael will be acting in your uncle's stead, Amera," said Mikhail. "Though, neither would take it easy on you. He and others will ask you questions while I weigh your answers. In the end, I will judge what will become of you."
"I understand, " she said, her face like stone but her voice betraying her nervousness.
"Recall in detail your interaction with Anya daratrazanoff, from being to end" said Zacarias in a stern tone
"She and Andor were talking," Amera began. "I didn't like how Andor looked at her and I spoke to him about it. I didn't say nice things, saying that he shouldn't idolize her like he does because she's a person, not a god. When he told me off and denounced me as his sister, I was devistated. Then, she walked by. She asked what was wrong and I snapped at her, blamed her. In my mind, she was trying to take my family from me."
"Why did you think that?" asked Riordan.
"Because when we were little, I wanted to play a game, but Andor wanted to watch Anya practice fighting. It started out as jealousy until it grew into this parasite inside of me. Every thing after that was me trying to copy her so that everyone would talk about me and not Anya."
"What happened after you started yelling?" asked Manolito.
"She told me off, but instead of backing down, I followed her. I kept yelling and telling her how it was all her fault. The next thing I know, she is saying I tried to kill her with a toxic odor and getting knocked out."
"Zacarias growled" that is not what she said, what were her exact words" he said in a serious tone
"Th-the first time, she said that it was my own fault that no one acknowledged me," she answered, tears forming. "The second time, she said something along the lines of me pitying myself and blaming others. That I was pushing them away, but what would happen when they were gone? She asked if I would do more dangerous things to get attention, but also told me it wouldn't work. She tried to leave again, even telling me that I was lying to myself and that wasn't something she could afford to do because she was an adult. Something I wasn't even close to acting like."
“ What did she say to you when she attacked you“ Zacharias asked
"She said I tried to poison her because of my jealousy," said Amera, looking down. "If I had used my ability, I didn't realize it. I felt angry at the time, but she was right. I was jealous of her."
"Elaborate," said Nicholas.
"I heard people talk of her and wanted to hear that. Hear people praise me. It started out just wanting my family to stop talking about Anya and talk about me. I dressed like her, acted like her... hell, I tried to be her. I didn't want Andor to look at Anya and think she was special. I wanted to be special. He was my brother. I felt that my value was what he thought of me, and what my family thought of me. When he talked about Anya, my mind went to how she was stealing everyone away from me, not that she did something to be praised for."
Rafael said, "Why did you need people to give you worth?"
"I honestly don't know," said Amera, looking back up at them. "At first, it meant that they acknowledged that I did something. But that praise, big or small, became equated to love to me. I was getting lectured constantly for seeking danger all the time, so I kept blaming Anya for it because she never got lectured like I was, she was praised. I refused to see that it was me in the wrong because I focused on the wrong thing."
“Did she read you the rite before she made you black out and took you into custody “ Zacharias asked
"Yes," said Amera. "When I woke up, I knew I did something without meaning to. I let my anger and jealousy rule over me instead of reason. After every mess I've put myself into, I should have learned from them, but I refused to. I didn't want to be in the wrong because..."
"Because?" asked Riordan.
"Because it would be agreeing with everyone, agreeing that I'm not good enough. That I'm not enough. I wanted everyone to see only the good, and praise me for it. Because that would mean they love me."
“Is there anything else you would like to add before we collaborate and decide your fate?” Zacarias asked
Amera nodded, tears falling, "I... I know something inside of me has gotten messed up. I don't know when it happened, only that my jealousy of Anya caused my twisted views of the world. I have no right to ask, but I can't do this alone. I don't want to burden Zach with watching over me because I don't deserve to be his lifemate. But please, I need help."
They all nodded and Zacarias escorted amera back to her room " we will tell you our verdict in a few hours until then you are able to visit your family within the ward " he said and left but kept her door open. A moment later her parents stood there "amera! Oh look at you see I told you green goes with red " she said with smile
Amera gave a soft smile but it didn't last long. She wanted to go hug her mother, to feel safe. Tears fell.
"It's going to be bad, isn't it?" she asked, her legs going out from under her. "None of them said anything, none of their faces changed... I don't know if they even knew I was being honest or if they thought I was lying. I'm scared of what they are going to decide."
"You think they didn't know if you were being honest or not? Honey those men and your prince are hard to fool" said her mother and her father agreed "you did well" her father said "honesty was the best and only thing you could have done" he said softly yet seriously
Amera looked at them for a moment before saying, "I'm still scared. What will they decide? I know they won't go easy on me, even if the prince hadn't been here. But, even now, I'd rather spare than anything else." She looked down. "At this point, that's all I know." She smiled. "Except drawing. It was the one thing I kept. I hid it, but I couldn't help drawing." Her head snapped up. "My sketch book! Dad, did you give it to Andor?! Did he see it?!"
Her father's face looked angry "no he didn't and I'm sorry amera I can't give you your sketch book back" he said in a angry tone. Her mother side "your brother loves you amera it's just...he is having a hard time right now...he destroyed your Sketch book I'm sorry" she said
"I... understand," she said pulling up her knees. "It was a selfish request anyway. To show him how I saw him." Tears formed even as she gave a small chuckle. "So much for my last gift to him."
"You are not going to die amera, so stop with this last gift nonsense" her mother said "most likely that will have you trained and shadow by someone who can help you" her father said
"I wasn't talking about dying, mom," said Amera. "He doesn't want to be around me anymore. He's said so several times. That's what I meant. My last gift before we cut ties. And you know I'll end up messing up again. Burdening someone with me isn't the best idea. You know, the whole 'can't control my ability when angry' thing."
"Then fix it amera!" Her father suddenly yelled making them jump "I am so tired of this pity party you have caged yourself ! We have done nothing but love you, you are the one who is making yourself miserable, take responsibility and grow up!" He said with a growl "others wise you will never fix things with your brother or your lifemate or anyone"
"It's not as easy as you assume," she said quietly. "It requires I change everything about myself at this time, everything I've built myself into. I asked them for help in fixing that. Even if it's just an ear to gripe to or someone to kick my ass. I want to fix it. More than anything, I want to fix myself so that I don't lose anyone else."
"It doesn't seem like it, if you planned to fix yourself that what's the last gift talk?" Her mother asked
"Do you think that Andor will even want to see me, even if I managed to fix myself?" Amera asked. "I don't. I've given him no reason to want to, and I have no right to ask for another chance."
"Then don't ask, let him see your change, stop focusing about what others see amera and just work hard on yourself, they will se it even if you don't notice it"
"I'll try," she said. "It just... difficult right now. But I'll try."
Just then Zacarias came back "we have made out decision, I will be taking her back now. Her parents disappeared and they left, once seated again Mikhail looked at her "you have made a lot of mistakes and your mentality is a flawed and dangerous one. So for the next ten years you will be in the care of a guardian, one that should help you grow out of your darkness, if by the end of those ten years I still seem you as a threat I promise you the consequences will be not only painful for you but for your loved one. If you do anything during this time that is threatening even once I will take action, is that clear?" He said in a serious tone
"I understand," she said. "I will try to better myself in that time and work on controlling my emotions and ability."
"Good " he said "you will stay here until the suitable gaurdian is found " he said in a stern tone " dismissed" he said and Zacarias took her back to her room.
On the way to her cabin, she asked, "What happens if noone is found or refuses to take me on?"
"Not my place to say" he said in a emotionless tone " I will say this" he said stopping her at the door of her room and looking at her. He was intimidating through and through " if you harm anyone on this ranch I will kill you, which means I will have to kill your lifemate as well so if you don't want that to happen I suggest you keep yourself under control and stop using you emotions a s a excuse" he said in a a serious tone that let her know arguing was not a wise thing to do.
"I understand," she said. "I will stay in my cabin. Can you thank whoever fixed it for me? I don't want to put anyone in danger because of my lack of control."
He didn't say anything and left.