She moaned softly and shivered as he licked her neck, her body coming alive "No....I just...want to feel....anything then what Im feeling...I want you to warm me Maddox...Im so cold...please do more to my neck" she said breathlessly

He used his thumb to tip her head back so he could nibble on her neck, using his tongue to ease the sting.

Her heart was pounding in her chest, he would smell her erotic juices start to flow, her body warmed underneath his touch, He could feel her control slipping as he brought her more pleasure, he could feel her letting go and giving into what he was doing

He started to move away, saying, "I should stop now. If I don't, I will make love to you and you admitted you aren't ready for that."

She grabbed his wrist "Please...don't stop...I trust you not to do anything that would make me uncomfortable...please Maddox..." she said with a voice filled with need, unknowing what it did to him

He willed his clothes away and blanketed her with his body. He sank his teeth into her neck, he member teasing her entrance.

She cried out and arched underneath him, the pleasure and pain his bite brought was consuming her thoughts, her hands went to his waist, pushing against them, keeping him from entering her

He closed the wound and said, "Your turn. Do this for me, Serenity. Please."

He would feel her fear "no...please....dont make me" she said in a scared tone

"Okay," he said, moving off of her. "You aren't ready. I must stop or I could cause you more harm." He clothed her and himself. He covered her with a blanket and moved to the other side of the room. "Sleep. It is nearly dawn."

Tears stung her eyes and she curled up in a ball, she felt cold again, she just wanted comfort, to feel good and yet the thought that he needed sex, instead of just being able to do other things made her sad and feel lonely

He sighed, knowing her thoughts. "Serenity, I'm holding back the beast in me so I don't hurt you. I'm sorry. I can hold you while you sleep if you like. But you want me to perform the foreplay but not make love to you. I am trying, Serenity, but I am an still new to having emotions and it is difficult for me to control them. I didn't mean to hurt you by keeping my beast leashed."

"its fine...I just....I know also you probably don't want to touch me after....." she couldn't finish it "G-goodnight" she said and tried hard to put herself to sleep but she was still learning how to do it and was unable too.

He went to her and said, "That is not it. I love you in every way. Please, understand, I only refuse to make love because you are not ready. I would gladly take the memory of him from your body by showing you what real love making is, but you do not want me."

"I dont want to feed...." she said honestly "I still feel....tainted....dirty...inside and out and no matter how long I soak...or how much I scrub it wont go away" she said covering her head with the blanket

"Let me see," he said, pulling the blanket down, kissing every part of her body. "I see no taint or dirt. Not on your body, your heart, your mind, or your soul."

Tears fell silently as she wiggled underneath his touch like she was trying to shield him from seeing her "no...dont look...please.." she said covering her face and curling up in a ball on her side

"I have already seen," he said. "While I was tracking you, I saw it all, through your eyes. I lived it with you."

"stop it! please! you werent there! you werent! you didnt see!" he would feel that she felt it was a thousand times worse for her if he saw what she had to do and what he did to her, he felt her closing back up because of it

"I was there," he said. "I didn't want to leave you in that hell alone. However, when he compelled you, you threw me out. I saved you from losing your mind because I was always a thought away."

She grabbed the blanket and covered herself "leave....I dont want to be near you right now" she said in a uneven tone

Maddox said, "Why? Because I wanted to protect the woman I love?"

"stop it...you dont know what love is...your kind just has it bred into you...news flash no love exsist in the way your kind saids it does....it fades it breaks....no love is as strong or last forever..." she said in a pain filled tone

"My parents have been together for over 1200 years," Maddox said. "Shortly after they met, my mother was taken by Xaviera when she was evil. My mother was broken down in the worst way, her mind nearly destroyed with pain from the many rapes. Still, she loved my father, and their love has only grown. When they first met, and after he saved her, they weren't nearly as close as they are now. I will be most upset when they greet the dawn. A love that deep, not even the three Dark Mages can tear them apart."

"but we are not you parents" she said "and I dont want to be a parent yet either.....I decided a long time ago I wouldnt bring a ki in this messed up world.....now Im bringing one into a world tats even more messed up..." she said into te pillow

"But they will be loved and cherished and protected," he said. "Carpathians know what treasures our children are, adopted or natural. While I would enjoy raising our child, if you are not ready, we can give the child to a family who has lost a child recently. Will that work for you?"

"What!? " se said shooting up and looking at im, her hand going to her stomach "Are you kindding me? hell no.....thiss child is never going to leave my side.....I wont trust anyone else with it" he said as her cheeks turned pink and she looked away from him "I mean....because....you know......its not that I care....I just dont trust anyone.." she said in a bad lying tone

Maddox chucked and said, "Whatever you say, Serenity. As long as you are happy, I won't call you out on your lies. I know you need them at this time."

"Im not lying!" she said in a pouting tone "god your frustrating! I mean we barely know each other yet you say you love me and want a baby with me...whats wrong with yoou gee its like your from another planet or something.....FYI we normal folks freak out about things like tis" she said crossing her arms

"I never said I was a normal human," said Maddox. "Actually, I never said I was human. Even new Carpathian parents are scared, but I know that we can do this, together. And I've been in your head. I know you, better than you do at times. Like how you are crazy about me."

She chuckled "Oh yes Im crazy about you....no you make me cray there is a difference " she said stubbornly and sarcastically "look dont you need to sleep....or are you going to stay up and continue to think you know me because you dont...." she said with a int of challenge in her tone

"So, you never hid in an old car you found in the forest when you were six?" he asked. "Or fantasized about that one celebrity with the talking car? Or went to prom dressed as a princess so that you could feel good about yourself despite what had happened only hours before?"

Her face held anger "stop snooping in my head! and those are only memories that doesnt mean you know me! go why do you.....stay out of my....." she trailed off and yelled in anger before she tackled him, leaping from the bed

He laughed and said, "There's the spit fire I know and love. The same one that thinks my voice is sexy, and my lips kissable, and my backside..."

She growled and covered his mouth "dont finish that sentence or I swear to god I will beat you until there is nothing left but that sly grin you are wearing now" she said glaring at him

Why? he asked as he kissed her palm. Does the truth bother you? Like how you told that man in the cave that you loved me?

"I....I only said that because I knew it would upset him....and stop kissing me your suppose to be afraid" she said as her cheeks pinkened

She felt him smile before he took a finger into his mouth seductively. I could never be scared of you. You are too beautiful to be dangerous to the man you love.

SHe moved her hand from his mouth "then you should be more scared....things that seem the most beautiful are often the most dangerous" she said trying to ignore the way her body was starting to come alive at his touch, she became aware of how she was intimately straddling him and went to get off "anyways....stay out of my head....I mean it or Ill....."

"Kiss me until I can't think straight?" he asked, rolling until he was on top of her. "Wonderful idea, my love. After all, no one can be afraid of a rose. You learned that when he tried to find you in the neighborhood garden and he started sneezing. He only found you because you started giggling."

She growled and went to slap his face but he caught her wrist "I said stay out of my head!" she said in a serious tone, tears formed in her eyes

"Why does it bother you, Serenity? Why does such intimacy bother you when it's normal for us?"

"why do you keep forgetting I'm not like your kind......intimacy is not normal for me" she said trying to break his grip, the feel of his hand and body on hers was distracting

"Intimacy comes in different forms," he said. "There's the sharing of one's body willingly with a person you love, caring for your family and friends, and even when you generously give with no thought for yourself. You are intimate with me when we make love, when we share our minds, and when you simply let me look upon you. You love your sister and you loved that purple teddy bear with the pink ribbon when you were a child, both are intimate. Just last year, you gave a woman $15 when she couldn't afford food, almost not making it to these mountains because of it. Intimacy not normal for you? I've never heard a bigger lie, and I can't believe that you believe it."

"liking a teddy bear and being decent to another human being is not intimacy..... and I can have sex and not have intimacy, in fact, humans are good at doing so...." she said honestly "you cant be intimate without trust and I don't trust others...." she said wiggling beneath him and regretted what it did to her as her body became more alive

"What you say is true," he said, "but I also know you understand the difference between us. And like the bear and being nice to others is intimacy, not like what we share, but it is there. You showed love to the bear, that is intimacy. You showed generosity, and extended an hand in understanding and kinship, again that is intimacy. When you share your mind, body, heart, or soul with me every minute of every day, that is intimacy of all forms." He pulled her up with him, but did not let her go. "Simply touching you, looking at you, looking into your mind, being in the same room as you, knowing you feel as I feel and trust me to care for you, even though you deny it... that is the greatest form of intimacy there is, and I am honored you give it to me."

"I dont.......I keep telling you to stay out of my head...you wont listen.....why you insit on being in a place I dont even want to be is beyond me..." she said pushing against his chest, her hands griping it as she did so "please.....stop being in my head and...let me go...I cant think with you this close" she said honestly

"I like being in your head, because I find the truth there," he said, letting her put space between them, but not letting her go. "Like how you enjoy me kissing you, how you think my eyes are beautiful, how I'm magical when I transform or use my abilities, and that my back side is firm and attractive." He leaned in and whispered seductively, "And all the things you think of me, I think those things about you... my bossy angel."

"please stop...." she said in a low tone, her voice telling how her body was reacting to him "if you care about what I want then stay out of my head....I have lived my whole life of things being forcfully taken away from me.....if you truly knew me then you would have know tats hy I dont want you in my head....you are forcing me to share tings I dont want to share.....all those memeories were not yours to know unless I wanted to share them wit you.....you have taken from me just like others have" she said in a heartbreaking tone, he would feel how se felt filovatd and betrayed, how she felt hurt that he would not listen to her about not being in her head, how he kept viloating her mind when she did not want his too "please....let go of me" she said in a soft tone not looking at him

Maddox felt it like a punch in the gut and let his arms fall away. "I must apologize. First, for making you feel as if I had violated you. That was not my intention, only to prove I knew the woman I love. Second, for not telling you that I never touched your dark memories unless I was trying to comfort you at that time, and only ones that allowed me to understand the moment. The truth is, I know nothing of the darkness that tried to smother your light, only that you fought it and won. For which, I am grateful and proud. And third, I cannot let go of your mind. It will cause you pain if I do not remain a shadow in it or touch it often, and I do not wish to put you through that."

"can you stay in my mind without looking at my memories or hear my thought?" she asked still not looking at him

"I've been doing so from the moment you told me you felt I had violated you," he said. "I don't want to be put on the same level as the man who took your childhood from you. Had you explained this to me sooner, I would have explained this to you before I crossed a line."

"I tried but you didnt listen.....you act as if all this should be normal to me....I was not born a Carpathian like you and after what the headmaster did...what would make you think I wanted you in my head..." she said in a honest tone "my body might have changed but my mind did not....reading minds...sex....shifting all this is new to me and is unnatural to me....yet you act as if I'm in the wrong for not liking it or understanding it" she said crossing her arms hugging herself "which is wy I still find you cruel for what you did by makng me watch the vampire.....I find you cruel for a lot of things.....I was brained washed...raped....turned....and poisoned.....made emotionless by your prince.....and yet you cant understand why I dont like being here....why I dont like or trust anyone here....including you.....I didnt ask for this" she said as a tear fell silently down her cheek

"Serenity, you never told me you felt violated," he said. "I had I known that, I would have backed off. I told you, I only wanted the happy memories so I wouldn't hurt you. That was also how I found out you had been human before. I I thought... because you had been told of our people and taught some of our ways before, you would be more open. I am sorry that my assumption hurt you. I know you didn't ask for this, and yes, I can be cruel, but my love for you will not go away. I would never do anything if I thought it would hurt you or harm you in anyway."

"yet you did! thats my point... .you dont know me as well as you claim...and because of that you have hurt me on more than one occasion...." She said finally looking at him, tears falling down her face "you cant love someone when you don't know them....or when you hurt them....im tired and I just want to sleep now" she said looking away once more "tomorrow I need to talk to my sister...its not safe for us here anymore"

"We can talk to your sister," he said, opening the earth. "But... leaving is out of the question of all of us. The prince has said that we are needed here. With human butchers and vampires hunting us, there is no safe place outside these walls, except the monastery where my parents now reside."

"you are needed not me...I want to leave before they do test on me again.." she said in a low tone "you said males put their lifemates above all else right? does that mean your prrince too?" she asked meetin his eyes

"Male or female, our lifemate's happiness and safety comes first," he said with complete conviction. "There will be mistakes on both sides, naturally. No one is perfect. But lifemates work on that together, like every couple of any species." He looked out the cave entrance. "It is time we go to ground."

He wrapped his arms around her and put her to sleep. He laid her in the ground next to him, his arm around her protectively. He closed the earth over them as he shut down his heart and lungs.

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