Memories and Shame 3

Their orgasm came so hard that they both buckled, he couldn’t hold himself up so at the last second he turned so they were on their side as he pumped inside of her, her head went back with her cry of pleasure

He closed the bit on her shoulder and said, "You need to get to the healers now. If we make love again, I'm afraid I would make your wounds worse."

When she didn’t answer he realized she was asleep in a human sleep. He separated their bodies and clothed them both. He took her to the healers then. Me of the females came up to him “what took so long we were excepting you over a hour ago” she asked

Michael said, "We burned the tranquilizer out of her system."

“Why make us wait when we could have done that here in a safer environment?” She said in a serious tone

"Ever need your mate to drive away the world so that you felt better?" he asked. "That's what she and I needed. Not something we could do around others."

“Are you saying with a drug we know nothing about and bullet would that you were having sex?” She said in a judgmental tone “putting not only you two but your unborn child at risk?”

"Do you have a mate?" he asked. "If you did, you would understand and not judge us as you are."

“It’s common sense hunter, she got shot with a unknown drug and you had sex with her instead of getting her help” she said

"The human that shot her is over there," he said, pointing to Jaxon. "You had an hour to learn its compounds and could have contacted me if there was anything dangerous in it. I've been in Scarlett's mind and she knew what was in the tranquilizers too. It clotted her blood so she didn't bleed out and allowed her to slow her heart and lungs so as not to drown or die. She was perfectly safe."

“It clots the blood to make your kind go to sleep, if a human was shot with this it would kill them, and he didn’t know she was pregnant and we could reach epithet of you” she said crossing her arms

"I didn't block anyone," he said. "That must have been Scarlett. She really needed..."

“To be healed” she said cutting him off “and for her mate to do right by here” she said turning and walking away

He put Scarlett on the bed of rich loam and said, "Scarlett, it seems these people do not think I am taking care of you." He saw the others glaring at him, but he ignored him. "But I know you. Even drugged, you would know what you need better than they."

He felt her stir and he hand gently squeezed his wrist. Slowly her eyes opened “how are you standing” she said with a humorous tone

"I want to pass out," he admitted, "but they seem to think I'm not being a decent lifemate." He pointed to the woman with his thumb over his shoulder. "That one said I shouldn't have made love to you."

"Mary?" Scarlett said in a surprised tone looking at the woman "what are you...." She began but Mary cut her off "my job" she said in a harsh tone "remeber that's what's important" she said in a aggravated tone and Scarlett frowned "that's not..." But the woman walked out of the room and Scarlett sighed "don't take anything she says personally, she isn't made at you but me"

"Really?" he asked. "Because she sounded ready to bring down the wrath of God upon us both."

Scarlett sighed "I......happened to play for both teams and Mary is a ex of mine" she said

"Alright, so locking you away from the world," he said. "Got it. Because you are mine and mine alone."

She chuckled "it was before you and you know as a warrior how sometimes you need to feel.... something"

"As a former Lycan, I know there were moments when I had to find someone to be with," he affirmed. "It stopped when I became a Guardian. Still, no touching other people. I can't have them attempting to steal you from me."

"She growled in a sexual way and pulled him close until his lips were inches from her "after what we just did can you honest think anyone would have a chance?"

"It won't stop them thinking of trying," he said. "That's all it takes, little dragon. One thought, and I'm going to..."

She kissed him, her to give demanding his, when all thought went from his mind she broke the kiss "I will never...ever give them even the thought"

"Good," he said, kissing her back. "Now, we should get you healed. I wasn't exactly gentle with you."

"I know and I loved it " she said with a tired smile "promise me you will heal too"

"I'm fine," he said. "No injuries. I just need to feed." He said and she glared “Micheal, please fore me fed and rest”

"I will feed while you are healed," he promised. "When the healers are done, you and I both will need rest and I will be beside you when we must."

“Ok, how are the victims are they safe?” She asked

"All present and accounted for," he said. "Next rising, we fetch Meghan, Erik, Roberto, and Angelique. She will have healed enough for travel."

Scarlett nodded “ok...I’m going to rest now” she said “your son is taking all I have left, it seems you both are greedy for my attention “

"Hey now," he said teasingly. "You said no one would take you from me. Don't go letting the pipsqueak take over."

She smiled tiredly with her eyes closed "tell them that...not me" she said before drifting off into a carpathian sleep

He did as he promised. While the healers worked on her, he fed, keeping his eye on her the whole time. When they were done, he found them a nice spot to go to ground for the day.
“You should tell her how you truly feel”he said in a encouraging tone “you didn’t give her a chance to tell you how she feels so open up, take that first step and maybe she will open up too” he said “our back is your family but I know you have always felt alone, you have a chance to change that” he said

"I have not earned the right to be open with her," he said, fighting sleep and unaware she was listening from the other side of the door. "She deserves a mate better than I."

Chrisof offered his wrist “here I offer you my blood, take it because you need your strength, I can not protect her alone if we are attacked”

He fed for a moment, but he was fast losing the battle with sleep. Even though he replenished some of what he lost, he still felt weak. He closed the wound and stood. He wobbled but didn't fall.

"Thank you, Cristof," he said. "I must go talk to my mate."

He stopped him “kirigan why are you risking her safety by not taking care of yourself?”he said

"I am not only her mate," he said. "I am a male, a warrior, a soldier, and an alpha. This won't stop me from my duty."

“You are self punishing and risking everyone’s safety including your own” he said in a serious tone “this is your consciousness speaking, remember “

"When have I ever let an injury stop me?" he asked, though he didn't stop Cristof from putting him back on the couch. "My duty is clear."

“No it’s not” he said handing him some dried jerky “eat and replenish your body

"I'm not hungry," he said. "I just want to sleep, Cristof."

“Eat and the sleep” he said in a stern tone

"Too much work," said Kirigan. "Go scout the area for now. Let me rest."

“I’m not leaving until you eat” he said stubbornly

"Stronzo," Kirigan chuckled as he ate the jerky. "I think you enjoy bossing me around too much."

“All of it” he said with a smirk

"Cristof, you could be alpha," said Kirigan. "You didn't need me."

“Nah I’m too much of a mother bear to be alpha, but it makes me a good beta” he said with a shrug

"I should have recorded that," said Kirigan with a smile, his eyes closing. "You admitted to being a woman. And an ugly one at that."

"I'm gorgeous I don't know what your talking about" he said in a dramatic tone "and make fun all you want but this momma bear saved your ass many times , remeber Greece, those twins had you ...."

"Don't remind me!" Kirigan said. "How they ever got that many native wolves in one place is beyond me, but I nearly lost an important part of my anatomy that day!"

"Does your mate know how much of a dog you were int he past" he said with a joking nudge "at least you were smart enough to get a vasectomy, though I still think that was a extreme when you could have just used protection" he said with a shrug

"Cristof, your brother wore protection and still had a child," Kirigan pointed out. "I did not want to risk an accident or, knowing Lily, sabotage. Only my mate would bear my children. I have too much respect for our union to have bastard children. I had it reversed three years ago." He smiled. "Gidget had a rare day off. She was walking through some streets and somehow ended up playing calcio with some kids in a poor neighborhood. She was carefree and even got the older kids to let the young ones join. She's amazing with children."

He chuckled " you feel in love with her long ago didnt you"

"I had gotten word of someone by the codename Valkyrie," he said. "I did research on her since they had targetted my office several times. I fell for her before I saw her, but I studied her only as one studies the enemy. After she was in my office, and I knew she was the Valkyrie by the emblem on her arm, I knew she was my mate. I have loved her for nearly a decade now. At first, I thought I was falling, become rogue. I didn't know what the Valkyrie looked like, only that she was the enemy. But I became obsessed with finding out everything about her. Every job, every hit, every bit of data I could get my hands on. You remember. You tried to burn everything I had on her and I nearly went ferel on you."

He shivered "yeah I remember...that being said" he said "I remeber reading some of those things, how she is pure enough to be a mate..." When he growled he put up his hands "you know I'm right, they were dark kirigan, so dark you were obsessed to stop her, that being said obviously there are other things going on" he said and stood up "since you finished the jerky I'll leave you to sleep, you really should tell her how you feel" he said "one mate males advice to another"

"I want to see her before I rest," he said. "I need to. Besides, if what she did to me was any indication, she faked all of what she did to save innocents. Only the wicked truly suffered."

"Go , I'll wait and keep guard but make sure to rest" he said "Where is Gidget?" he asked. She walked in "I'm here " she said in a low tone not looking at him, chrisof left the room "you should be sleeping"

"I want you beside me," he said. "Going to bed is better with my beautiful mate with me." She looked at him like he said something weird “what do you really want?” She asked

"To be honest," he said after a moment, "I want to hold you to me. I'd rather make love but I know I am in no condition to do so. I look at you and all I want it to ravish you until you scream my name."

He saw her eyes flash toner wolves but she didn’t say anything for a moment “ sleep” she said in a tense tone as her fist went into a ball

"You wanted to know," he said. "Now, I wish to kiss you until your eyes go all smoky with desire."

She turned around so her back was to him “stop, your talking nonsense and I won’t have it..” she said

He took hold of her hand and said, "I don't want to be alone..."

That caused her to look back at him in shock. It was the raw emotion in his voice. It was pure and unhindered. It told her so much and yet it was only six words. Gently, almost as if she couldn't help it, she looked into his mind. He was always surrounded by those that demanded his judgment, demanded him to lead, demanded him to fix their problems. But who protected him or let him rest when weary or even cared when his problems overwhelmed him? Those who fought for their pack unloaded their burdens onto him and talked of their nightmares on the battlefield, but who would take the weight from Kirigan's shoulders and make his nightmares go away?

He saw the look in her eyes and realized what she saw. He removed his hand, slamming a barrier down around his mind. "I am not asking you to take on any of that," he said, growing even more tired trying to keep her out. "You have your own burdens that come with commanding others, your own nightmares. Since finding you, I have tried to keep the bad dreams away so you could sleep easily. At first, by keeping you too tired to dream, but now, I can go into your mind and just keep them away. And I tried to make things easier on you. I can't think right now. My brain has stopped working. But you deserve to not be so stressed about being in charge."

She was silent like she was studying him "I'm not tired.....but I'll stay with you " she said after a moment and walked over and sat down on the couch "though I think it would be better to lay on a bed"

He got up and went to the bed. He let out a pleasant groan, as if he had spent days sleeping on the hard ground and was getting the luxury of sleeping on a soft bed for the first time. His eyes closed but she knew he wasn't asleep.

"Lay next to me?" he asked.

He felt the bed dip slowly He could feel the warmth of her even though she was not touching him. He snuggled into it, relaxing. He wanted to hold her, but found himself drifting off to sleep. However, it wasn't long into his slumber that he began sweating and moaning as if in pain. It was the first time she had noticed that.

She had to push herself to reach over a slowly she started to stroke his backing a comforting manner. Just her touch eased some of the discomfort. "Gidget," he mumbled.

She moved a little closer but stayed silently rubbing his back softly. He moved lightly, restless. It was clear he was in another place and time, and it wasn't pleasant. "No..." he gasped softly, "not again... not again..."

She was not use to comforting anyone so she shook him away "kirigan wake up" she said

His eyes snapped open and suddenly he had her pinned, his hands on her throat. She didn't struggle as he saw who he was hurting. He released her and moved back. His hands shook as he looked down at them. How could he have almost harmed the woman he loved?

"Sorry," he said. And she stayed were she was, unmoving she looked at him "you did it wrong..." She said in a shaking tone "next time squeeze a little higher" she said

"Gidget, I wasn't trying to be kinky," he said. "I could have..." He put his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes. He stood up, his face made of stone. "I will not risk your life for a bit of comfort. You stay in the bed. I'll sleep on the couch."

"Or you could just continue to lay down next to me" she said still not moving "I'll....let you hold me"

He looked at her and went back to her. He pulled her into his arms and held her. He fought sleep. He didn't want to risk harming her. His nightmare had been vivid. His war buddies over the years, dying because he wasn't fast enough or strong enough. Attacking the enemy and feeling their life drain from them for what they did to his brothers-in-arms. But exhaustion was fast taking over.

"Don't let me hurt you again," he whispered to her.

"I won't stop you if you try" she said in a serious tone

That snapped him awake and said, "Gidget... I cannot let my demons harm you. I'll stay up so that..."

"Then we will never sleep next to each other" she said cutting him off

"I don't want to wake up with my hands on your throat again," he said. "I was going to kill you, Gidget. Does that not register? I tried to strangle you because of a nightmare from a war 300 years ago!"

"You said mates can't hurt each other, that's why I didn't move" she said in a calm tone "so either go to sleep and hold me, or let fear make you sleep alone"

Kirigan pulled her to him, laid down with her, and said as he drifted back to sleep, "Gidget, ti amo."

She didn’t say anything, she payed there while he slept, she didn’t know how long it had been since she had been this close to someone, after about an hour she found that she was drifting off. Soon she fell into a human sleep.

Seven hours later, 6 pm

Gidget woke up when white lightning suddenly coursed through her. It was unlike anything that had happened before. She found her arms going around someone as they fed from her. Gidget, came Kirigan's voice in her mind. You smelled so good and I was so hungry. I could not help myself.

She let out a breath that he.d a soft moan. Her heart started to beat faster. The way he had her held made it more intense for her, they were on their sides, he was behind her, his erection was pressing into her buttocks. One arms was wrapped around her waist and the other was under her head , pulling her head back

Do you know how good you taste? he asked. How good you feel? Oh Dio, I want to make love to you right now.

She felt her self getting wetter by the minute. It was like they were already having sex, this was so intimate that she felt like her soul was burning along with her body

He removed their clothes from them by cutting along the seams with his sharp nail. When they were both naked, he lifted her leg and entered her hard. He closed the wound and began moving hard and deep. He kissed her neck and everywhere he could reach. He just had to bring them to a state of deep burning.

Everything in her head told her to stop this, that she shouldn’t trust him and that she needs to remember she is made at him, but she could stop her body from taking over. When he rolled them so she was underneath him and she felt his teeth holding her down she moaned loudly and all thought went from her head. She was helpless against him and this pleasure. This wasn’t like the other times, it wasn’t as animalistic. It was rough in a sensual way. Her arms went by her head and he laced his fingers through hers. He merged their minds and it only served to heighten everything they experienced. She was a velvet sheath. He was a silken rod. But where one began and the other ended, neither knew. She wiggled and moaned underneath him “kirigan....” she said in a breathless tone

With that keening cry, he lost any control he had left. Yet, she could never say he hurt her. In fact, he ensured her pleasure before his own. Soon, she was freefalling only to have him build her up again. Over and over, it was like this until he could no longer keep from filling her with his seed. When he fell, he took her with him on the biggest freefall she had ever felt.

She couldn’t move, she could barely breath. She laid underneath him, he had fallen to the side so half of his body was off of her but they were still connected. She shivered underneath him from after shock. Once she calmed down she took a deep breath and sighed “we.....shouldn’t have done that” she said in a soft breathless tone. Though she said that he felt no regret from her but fear

"Probably not," he said. "But you were the one to lay temptation next to me. You were holding me as I held you. Clung to me in your sleep. Did you have a nightmare while I could not aid you in keeping them away?"

She tensed slightly which made her core tighten around his softening member and made them both moan as her squeezed milked him. After a moment she said “you came a lot inside me....” she said in a low tone

"You're not ovulating," he said. "But you did not answer my question."

She started to move away from him but he growled and held her hip to keep her in place. She noticed everytime they had sex his dominant side would return and he would seem more like himself, she wondered why that was or if it was a mate thing “your not going to let me up?”

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