Memories and Shame 5

“What’s a weakness, trusting me or getting pleasure from me?” She asked crossing her arms

"Allowing my will to falter," he said. She could hear the self-loathing and anger in his voice. "To let another have power over me. How can I lead our pack knowing that someone could manipulate me?" He looked at her. "It isn't you, Gidget. It is that I have never given in before, never gave up power."

“And what’s wrong with doing that with me? I didn’t hurt you, I didn’t abuse your submission” she said standing her ground “but since it’s come to this then you know know how it feels, you demanded submission from me without thinking of how it would make me feel, you used the mate bond to make my will wavier” she said in a defensive tone “at least I was aware and attentive to you, I kept bad memories away and gave you pleasure, did you do the same to me?” She said and shook her head “no you didn’t “

"I thought I would relive the entirety of your life," he said. "I did not want to invade your mind and see what you did not want me to see. I did not know you would be the only person on the face of the planet I would not have such problems with."

"Yet you have a problem with letting me be in control" she said

"I have a problem with anyone controlling me, Gidget," he said. "I know I will gain your trust the more time I spend with you and I will open up more. But can you say that you completely trust me?"

"I don't that's my point, but you didn't care when you dominanted me" she said in a challenging tone trying to duck under his arm to move away

He blocked her movements and said, "So, do not expect me to trust you when you do not trust me. Learn about me, Gidget. I want to learn about you. I want to get to the point where dominance isn't an issue with us. It should be that we are what the other needs. But we both hold ourselves back, keep things from each other. We can't function like this."

"Yet you asked me to make a important and personal choice for you" she said in a serious tone looking away from him. He felt understand hit him then.

"I was trying to make it fair," he said. "I took the decision from you."

"You put me in a bad situation and I..." She met his gaze "I don't like it, and you didn't want to be this...this thing"

"Gidget, I said you had the right to choose when to make me a Guardian," he said. "I am old, piccola. It takes me longer to get used to knew things. I cannot promise my instincts to dominate won't kick in, but I want to try being with you nonetheless. Right now, I despise myself , but in a few days, after learning about my bella luna, I could see things very differently. Like you said, it's a matter of trust. Let's learn to trust each other, together."

She studied him for a moment before she smiled and he became suspicious instantly "I meant what I said, tonight it happens, now you made your choice and you took your punishment now I'll ask you again, chase? Or feed from a place of your choosing"

"I was playing before," he said, kissing her neck. "I always choose you, Gidget. Life has no meaning without you." He kissed down her collarbone, moved her shirt aside, and nibbled on her stiff nipple. "I'll feed here. So that you won't have worry about others seeing it. I know it would bother you." Before she could respond, he bit down.

Her legs wiggled and he had to catch her as she cried out. She was already pent up from his release, her body was sensitive to his touch

He fed greedily from her, but not enough to weaken her. He closed the wound and then kissed back up her neck.

She leaned into him. When he got to her neck she stiffen and she realized she was being submissive and didn't understand why. She just fell this strong need to do so, but she was unsure if it was hers or his

He pulled back and said, "It's instincts. Perhaps there is a reason why I have been dominate with you this whole time. Extreme stress, a need to not be in control over someone, or perhaps something else."

"Wouldn't you want the same thing.." she moaned and looked embarrassed

"Those of us in charge want moments where we do not have other people's lives in our hands," he said, "where we do not have to worry about things. I have never had a chance for such a luxury. I must admit, I would not know what to do now that I am no longer chasing you."

"I can fix that of you like" she said and he growled and his grip tightened "what? Don't like the idea?"

"On the contrary," he said. "No one has offered to lift my burden. I find the idea appealing."

"I meant the chase" she said with a teasing tone

He chuckled. " You are not a wolf. You are a minx."

"Are you going to let me go so I can drink another bag for you last exchange?" She asked raising her eyebrow

" You are really anxious about doing this," he said. "Why the rush?"

"Why do you think I'm rushing it?" She asked trying to move away from him

"Because of how fast you are trying to get me to become a Guardian," he said. "Usually, there is a gap to allow for learning and adapting. Sometimes, like with you, this cannot happen due to needing to save the person's life."

She fucked under his arm and was across the room to the fridge with inhuman speed "life is dangerous and might as well get it over with"she said opening the fridge

He was behind her and asked, "Did Lily escape the facility? Is that why you wish me to have more power?"

"Don't you want more power? And no she didn't we are tracking her, playing our game" she said unable to hold her growl in. She bit into the bag and drank it dry within seconds. When it was empty she threw the empty bag in the fridge and slammed it shut. She turned towards him "last back out"

"Gidget, you know she is my responsibility," he said. "Just as those men were from your crew. To keep from further bloodshed, I must be the one to dispense with her. And is there something you are not telling me? She isn't Sange rau, is she?"

"No she is not but I ..." She sighed "I have this feeling ok, that's all I can say because that's all I know" she said in a honest tone

"Alright," he said, taking her wrist and biting deep. I'll trust this feeling of yours.

He could feel her disappointment at the placement yet she tried to hide it "make it quick..." She said in a upset tone

He closed the wound, kissed up her arm until he found her neck, and bit down again. It reminded her of a version of the Addams Family. He fed feverishly upon her.

He didn't bite to feed but to mark her. His caine's went deep in the crease of her neck and her legs buckled. The perfect response from a mate, this mark wound bruise as a mating mark. His wolf was happy at her response. He could feel her heat slam into her new body. Letting him know her lycan side was still stronger for now

"How was that, piccola?" he asked. Her breathing was fast and her eyes were her wolf's mixed with a knew auburn color that made a gold and red mix, he had never seen such colorings. She grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him towards her and crushed her lips to his in a fevered need. He kicked the refrigerator door shut. They didn't even make it to the bed. He took her there, on the hard floor. He was inside of her and moving hard and fast as soon as she was laid down. Her nails raked down his back adding pain to the pleasure and he knew later every step he would feel her marks on his back, reminding him of this moment. She wrapped her legs around his waist, his body was sensitive and his senses were heightened. Her need for him was unlike anything he had felt before, it was raw and passionate all the way to her soul. He knew sex with a mate was different but he was never prepared for it and he loved everytime it was something new he learned. He was growling, kissing everywhere, his hands roaming. He wanted her to be a living flame and he wanted to burn. Suddenly her skin started to have a golden flame grow on it, the fire was warm but didn't burn him, she tensed and made him stop "what.."

"Dragonseeker blood is in you," he said, moving gently. "You won't bear the mark, but our children might. You are tapping into the Carpathian side. Do not worry, piccola. I will not let it harm you."

He felt her nerves but even slow her body was on fire from pleasure, "maybe we should ...stop" she moaned

"If we left like this, the next time we see each other..." he didn't need to finish. He saw the knowledge in her eyes. They would not be able to stop next time.

"That sounds fun doesn't it" she said with a smirk

He laughed, moving deeper within her, as he said, "Yes, but I'm not sure Gweneth wants her house destroyed."

The flames grew bigger and she pushed against his shoulders "I....." He could see fear in her eyes but knew she would never admit she was afraid "you drank alot...I'm too tired for this I'm sorry" she said. He knew it was a lie

"Then, perhaps I should pick up the pace," he said, holding her hips still for his invasion."

She cried out in pleasure and the fire jumped and he felt her panic "kirigan...please...stop" she moaned

He saw the fear in her. He stopped moving. He didn't want her to fear it, but he didn't know how to explain it. He separated their bodies, saying, "We must talk to Scarlett. She should be able to explain to you what is happening."

He liked how she seemed to not like that he separated their bodies but he also still saw fear in her eyes but now he saw that she looked almost sad "sorry" she said in a low tone looking embarrassed

"We will dispel this fear," he said. "It is new and frightening. But it did not hurt us or even the house."

She looked very uncomfortable, they both were, there bodies screamed at them to finish "I um...should go" she said frowning, she almost looked like she was about to cry

"I should speak to Cristof," he said, his body raging at him.

With infinite slowness, he moved away from her so she could escape. If she did not, they would resume in a fiery configuration. And Dio lo aiuti, he wanted to resume.

Her body was shivering and he could hear her heart beating fast. Her eyes travelled down his body and rested on his throbbing cock and he saw her bit her lip

"Do not do that," he said, his cock twitching and a glistening bead appearing. "Go now, or I will not be able to hold myself back."

She sighed in almost and moaning way and slowly stood up but her eyes never left his body, he saw her erotic juices slowly slid down her leg

His hand reached for her even as he said, "You are not making this easy, cara. If there is ever to be trust between us..."

"I know but this is new and humans are selfish and my control doesn't seem to exist with you .."she said standing still "I don't have what it takes to walk away when all I want is for you to slam your cock deep in....."

His hands grabbed her hips and pulled her to him. He began feasting. He loved her taste. He would never tire of it. He was so gentle, it brought tears to her eyes.

She felt selfish and she didn't like it "kirigan...what about you" she moaned

This is my last-ditch effort to let you escape. You can walk away. I ache, I will not lie about that. I want you with every fiber of my being.

"Even if I wanted to...your grip on me won't let me..". She said in a moaning tone "take me, if the forest burns I won't care I just don't want to hurt anyone here....god kirigan hurry I need you now" she said giving in

He had her in his arms and out the window before she could blink. They were in the safety of the forest where he laid her down, kissing her and his fingers preparing her. When she was gushing again, he entered her hard and fast, build the fire instantly, like a match to gasoline. She cried out and didn't fight him, soon the fire covered them both and the area. When he licked the bite he made earlier she came. Her arms came out and gripped the ground as she arched against him as he filled her. The trees bent away as everything around them uprooted and burned like fire had exploded underground

He held her to him, breathing heavily. When he found his voice, he said, "Gweneth will not be pleased. These were her favorite trees." He looked down at he began to laugh at her expression, sending another wave through the both of them.

an hour later

They were still laying there next to each other. They had been silent for almost a hour, both of them just enjoying the peace "it's a good thing we finished, I hate to think the damage I would have caused if we had waited"

"Funny, I was going to say I don't want to stop yet," he said. "Cristof clucks like an old hen at these meetings."

“I don’t think it’s safe to..” she was cut of and moaned when he cupped her breast.

"I know," he said. "It isn't safe to look as sexy as you do either. Anyway, if we don't get ready for our missions, they will never get done. But I promise you this. When you return to me, I plan on making love to you again, and not even il diavolo will stop me."

"Your words mean nothing because your grinding against me" she said in a moaning tone as she felt the tip of him brush her wet folds

He chuckled and said, "Then, be the stronger of the two of us, cara mia, and go do what you must. I'll stay here until the heat dies down."

"Your teasing me..." She said going to move away "and what makes you think....."

"Because I want you," he said starkly. "Again. Right now. I want you singing the most beautiful melody, piccola, one that is for my ears only."

She stopped moving "well I never thought I would see the day when you willing were submissive" she said with a teasing smile "telling me instead of just taking me is aweful sub...."

"It is not submissive to be truthful," he said, smirking. "It is equality. Something new I'm trying. But if you're going to tease me, I could go back to demanding."

Her eyes flashed "only if you want a punishment again" she said in a challenging tone

"Do not bring that up, piccola," he growled at her. "It will get you into trouble."

She replayed the memory back in his head, how it felt when he came all over her leg after begging her. He pinned her under him. He looked at her a brief second, letting her see the flames dancing there. He held her arms down and began to suckle her as his fingers found her core. He moved them in and out of her, bringing about a new wave of fire began to build in her.

She moved to break his hold but the growl he made against his skin made her freeze "kirigan, stop" she said in a whispered tone and he felt her stiffen "we are not alone"

"I hear them," he said, sighing. "It sounds like Cristof and Gweneth, but I do not know for sure. Use your mind to touch theirs and find out for sure."

He saw she was nervous, she had never done that before. When he hugged her close she relaxed and opened her mind unknowingly. She was assaulted instantly by a taint she had never felt. She felt sick just from the touch there you are my little war bird said a dark deep toned male.

Break off, Gidget, said Kirigan, standing up. We need to get to the others. We must have gotten off of the leyline. They could not have found us otherwise. This is my fault. You get back to the house and I will lead them off your trail.

your to late dog i will have my war bird back said the voice as gidget stood up holding her head

"Gidget," Kirigan said, cupping her cheek so that she looked at him. "He can no longer hold you. You are stronger than him. Listen to my voice." He put her hand on his chest. "Feel my heartbeat. I am real, solid. I know it doesn't feel like it at times, but with me, you are free of this thing. You do not serve him, you don't have to listen to him. Drown his voice out with mine." He held her to him, whispering in her ear. "Ti amo. Ti amo più della luna. Mi dai un significato. Non arrenderti. Ho bisogno di te. Per favore."

Slowly her breathing calmed down but she was tense in his arms "you...need to go" she said in strained tone

"You are coming with me," he said. "I will not have you in the hands of this vampiro. He will use you to capture me. I am a young Guardian, just as you are. He will want us under his power, but the best way to control me is by using you."

He saw her eyes changing colors like she was fighting something, sweat covered her. Her hands came up and gripped his arms , her nails digging in and she was shaking. The struggle was real and there "you...don't understand" she chocked out and he suddenly smelled burnt flesh and saw smoke coming from underneath his hands where he was touching her

"Then help me to understand," said almost desperately. "I need to understand so I can protect you from him."

She moved back away from him protect her from me? the man said followed by dark laughter I would never hurt my war bird, after all what kind of man would I be to do that to my wife he said and she looked away from kirigan

"Gidget?" Kirigan asked.

"I told you I was in love with someone else ..." She said in a low tone still not meeting his gaze

"Piccola, you were a virgin," he said. "You could not be married. And you know we are meant to be. The binding words would not have worked otherwise."

look at that, the dog thinks sex means love, he also thinks I would be unable to reattach a hymen he said in a mocking tone did it please him my war bird, to think you were untouched

"I can touch your mind, Gidget," Kirigan said. "I learned about you in so short a time that I cannot help but love you. Yes, we argue. Yes, we but heads. Every couple does, even when they spend so much time in each other's minds. If we didn't, then where would the fun be? We are not the same person, even if at times it feels that way. I enjoy our tifts, cara mia. I like how we tease each other. If you leave, you know I would abandon my duty as alpha just to find you. You are la mia bella luna. You know who is guilty and innocent, and punish the wicked. You play with children and make them feel special, no matter their station. You saved Scarlett when everyone around you and even your own instincts said to do otherwise because you knew it was wrong. Piccola, you know he is not good, that something about him is not right. He cannot touch your soul as I can, make you feel safe, or..."

"It doesn't matter..." She said cutting him off "you may have stolen my soul but he has my loyalty and love, I don't care what he is now...." She said making him realize she knew him before he fell "what ever he needs I'll do, if he needs me to die I will if he needs me to kill I will, I owe him everything" she said in a low tone "you have no idea how much I owe him" she said tears dropping to the ground as she kept looking down "I'm sorry but I have to go, if you care about me you won't follow"

"Cazzate!" he said. "It is because I care that I will follow. You owe the man he was before, not the monster he has become. The vampire is not him, but an empty shell. He would not order you to kill indiscriminately, would not want you unhappy, and would love you enough to give you to your true mate. You know it to be true. If you honor the man you knew and loved, you would destroy the vampire he has become. I know it is hard and you feel it a betrayal. I also know I don't know the whole story. But I know one thing for sure. If you love him, you would not let him stay a monster."

"It's because of me he's the monster he is" she said shaking "please I need to go to him but I promise you I'll come back just wait for me"

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