He Doesn't Do Christmas Specials

Shuntypaaktap stepped into the Jackalope Diner where Orson Filmore, the owner of the diner, greeted him with a nod.

"Shunty." Orson said as he wiped a coffee mug clean.

"Good morning, Orson." Shunty said with a nod of his own.

"I take it he's why you're here?" Orson tilted his head towards the man at the back of the diner who was taking up an entire seat at one of the booths. He was loudly slurping on a soda and wearing a pair of 3-D glasses.

"Sadly, yes. I called him." Shunty sighed in embarrassment.

"Do I need to be booking passage off on account of the planet going up in smoke?" Orson asked. "Cause I just paid off a new car, and I don't want to have to start up a new restaurant on a new planet."

"I think you'll be fine... I hope... It's a matter that most likely won't end up with the world turned into slag." Shunty prepared himself before approaching the man at the back of the restaurant. He greeted the man with a nod before sitting down. "Justicar..."

"Shunty!" The man said with a big, toothy smile. "Been a while! How's the wife and kids?"

"I don't have a wife and kids, Justicar. You know that."

"Yeah, but you know you do have a wife and kids in the future. I've met them." The Justicar sucked on his straw and made an obnoxious sound with it as he did. "Mmm... Love me a Dr. Pepper! You think there are real peppers in this? I don't know what a pepper is. Don't know much about Earth really, other than it looks like it hardly rains here."

"It does, in some places." Shunty said. "And no, I don't think Dr. Pepper has actual peppers in it."

"Shame, sounds like false advertising to me. So, you decided to use your marker..." The Justicar sounded irritated when he mentioned the marker.

"You know the deal. You help me, I help you in the future when you're about to be atomized by that Exterminator."

"Yeah, but you haven't done that yet so using the marker before you technically earned it is kinda unfair, don't you think?" The Justicar asked.

"Technically I already did, you're alive, aren't you?" Shunty asked.

"Yeah, but timelines can be so confusing..."

"Uh-uh... I think you're starting to fade from time, Justicar." Shunty said with a smirk.

"Okay! Okay! I'll help, dammit, what do you need this time?"

"Friend of mine needs looking after, she's got a bounty on her head and I need you to keep her alive until I can get it removed."

"Her head?" The Justicar cocked his head, confused.

"The bounty!" Shunty corrected.

"Oh. That it? Babysitting? Frell, I could do that in my sleep!" The Justicar leaned back in his seat.

"No sleeping on the job. This is serious. If she dies I could lose my contract on the planet!"

"Okay, I'll keep an eye on the girl."

"And her friends." Shunty added.

"Fine..." The Justicar whined.

"And no disintegration." Shunty added.

"I'm a pacifist." The Justicar argued.

"When it suits you," Shunty pointed out.

"Fair enough. No disintegration. Keep the people alive. Yadda, yadda... Piece of cheese."

"Cake. The term is 'piece of cake.'"

"What's cake?"

"Order some from Orson, it's quite good." Shunty got up. "Promise me you won't make this situation worse for me."

"I swear on my three hearts." The Justicar said, making a gesture across his chest before wiggling his fingers at Shunty.

Shunty turned and left the diner. Thinking that he had just made a big mistake.

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