Posted: Sep 12, 2018, 11:36am
Space is big.
Many poets have attempted to put into words just mind-bogglingly vast space is. Most famously was the Valusian singer-songwriter Yantooth Taranim, who crafted such an eloquent and accurate description of space that it became the universal standard definition.
Unfortunately, it was written in Valusian and nobody in the universe apart from Valusians speak Valusian. This is because it is a well known common fact that all secondary school Valusian teachers are utter bastards and no-one wanted to take the class.
This being the case, most scientists and philosophers settled on the second most eloquent and accurate description of space that there is: that it is big.
And it is due to the vast bigness of space that it happened that Alasdair Barclay, a quiet middle-aged male human from the backwater planet 'The Earth', found himself lost. In 106 words from now, he will turn to his companion, Cooper - who had until quite recently been Alasdair's pet dog but had since revealed himself to be a human-looking alien from a large planet in orbit around Sirius A - and say: 'Are we lost?'. To which Cooper will reply: 'Yes, I believe so.'
This would be a wholly accurate statement to make, as they were indeed lost. Just minutes ago they had been sitting in a pub on the south end of Glasgow's George Square discussing how it was that Cooper was not, in fact, a dog. However, they were now standing in a soft and damp cave.
'Are we lost?' asked Alasdair, quite bewlidered.
'Yes, I believe so,' said Cooper, slightly less bewildered, 'Which is good?'
'How can being lost be good?' asked Aladair, taking a seat on a strange lumpy rock.
'It's not the being lost that is good,' said Cooper, knocking against the cavern wall, 'It's the fact the we know we are lost that is good. If we didn't know we were lost then we would continue to be lost and not become un-lost.'
Alasdair thought for a moment, churing the words over in his head. He spent a minute on this before finally giving in to the fact that he was not in the right frame of mind to be contemplating the philosophies of being lost. However, he did have one thought.
'Hang on,' said Alasdair, 'How did we get here?'
Cooper paused in his examination of the cave. 'That is a good question.'
'Oh, so you don't know?' sighed Alasdair, 'I had hoped that you would.'
'At least we know that we don't know,' said Cooper resuming his examinations, as if the question was of so little signficance that it was no longer worth thinking about, 'Better than thinking we know and then being wrong.'
'Although that might make me feel better.'
'Wait a minute,' said Cooper with a sly grin, 'I know where we are!'
'And you know that you aren't wrong, do you?'
'We're in the mouth of Waltern Tunnel Snake! This is great!'
'It is?' said Alasdair excitedly, leaping from his lumpy seat.
'Yes!' said Cooper, 'Because it means we are now not lost!'
'Oh,' said Alasdair, 'I had hoped it was something a bit more great than that.'
The Waltern Tunnel Snake are gigantic creatures, although not quite as big as the universe that they inhabit. In fact, they are quite a lot smaller than the universe, but still much bigger than Cooper and Alasdair Barclay, which gives you an indication of just how big space is.
They tunnel underneath the surface of their planet, eating sand and rocks and generally hoping that they might get a decent WiFi connection one day. However, the state of Waltern Tunnel Snake WiFi was of little relevance to Cooper and Alasdair Barclay. In fact, they were occupied with another thought as they were swallowed into the stomach of the Waltern Tunnel Snake. That thought was: 'Oops, have we left the hob on?'
<<OOC - Just a shortish one, maybe I'll expand it when the half-way bonus round comes out>>