Search For the Treasure of One Eyed Willie [Part I]

[Joint Post between Megumichi and OhManMyBad]

Avengers Tower was an astonishing architectural feat, coupled with the radiance of modern technology. Kristoff stood outside in awe, staring up at the behemoth on 200 Park Avenue. It was the tallest building within 6 city blocks, and it was magnificent. A boyish sense of wonder began to grow inside him as he made his way up the marble steps into the main entrance. He hadn't had any luck on finding an address for the Sanctum, so logically this would be the next best place to look for the Maximoffs or maybe even the son of Steve Rogers. Kris had taken extreme care not to bump anyone as his armor's incognito mode was finicky at best and he'd already forgotten to re-enable it once. A rural New Jersey diner was bad enough, but central Manhattan? The very thought sent shivers up his spine.

The information panel was a giant touch screen trapezoid centered directly in the middle of the lobby. It showed a lot of the Tower, but as expected a few floors weren't written in. Floor 8, floor 22, floor 23, and floor 37. He had no idea what would be on the first three unnamed floors, but he reasonably assumed 37 would be the residency as it was the highest and only three floors below the helipad on the roof. Keeping his distance from everyone, he walked up to the desk and inquired to the security officer.

“Good morning sir, I was hoping you could tell me if I might find Theodosia Maximoff here? Perhaps in the residency?” Kris stood about an arm's length from the table, this whole avoiding contact with anyone or anything was rather nerve-wracking.

“The Maximoffs? Uh sorry sir, we're not allowed to discuss who does and doesn't reside here.” Isn't that Scarlet Witch's daughter? Would she be in the residency? I'd better go check with the sergeant.

Kris caught a bit of what the guard was thinking, but nothing of real value. He looked over the desk and saw the security key cards in an RFID box, but well out of reach for potential thieves. Well, not all thieves. Kris requisitioned one of the key cards, guiding it out of the box and through the air just outside their peripheral vision. Now that it was safely in his custody, he made his way to the elevator. Once inside he swiped the card, but unfortunately it didn't have access to floor 37. It made sense that only one elevator would. Kris sighed, so much for that plan. He stepped back out into the lobby and looked around. If I were a secret elevator, where would I be? Well, the answer to that was certainly not the main lobby.

Perhaps I'm thinking of this the wrong way… If I were in the residency, which floors would I need access to?


The GARAGE! That made perfect sense. Kris returned to the elevator and swiped the card. Quickly he punched the garage prompt on the touchscreen display and soon enough felt the descent downward. After a few seconds the doors receded and Kris made his way through the array of vehicles. As he suspected, there was a moderate security presence down here. Like a game of frogger, he timed his advance towards the back of the garage with the pacing of the guards. It took him awhile but he eventually made it to the private section which was guarded by titanium stokes in the ground. The rest of the garage was only guarded by a toll booth up front, so clearly this area was more important. The guards were focused outward, towards where one would think an intruder would be coming from. This made it easy to sneak behind them and get inside. It didn't take but a second to find the elevator. He entered quickly then used the card once again to make his way up. Floor 37 was only seconds away.


Reddened, puffy eyes glared into the screen. Eyes that she could barely believe were hers. She found no joy in surfing through her library of porn. In fact, it really just made her feel more alone than ever. That was the first time in ages, wasn’t it? The last time she’d cried over someone else’s opinion was 3 years ago, mere days before her expulsion. The last time she’d ever attended school. She blamed the stupid supers. They’d brought a fresh layer of stress into the front of her mind, and she couldn’t exterminate the alien guilt that was beginning to settle in. Maybe there was a reason other people would rather she was her father than herself. Everyone who ever came into contact with her left disappointed and frustrated. She roughly dragged her arm across her runny nose. Just forget. Just fucking forget. Why couldn’t it be as simple as not feeling anything?

Yes, maybe there was a point to hiding behind a suit of armor. That way, you didn’t have to be seen as “Clarisse Pots, dropout and family disgrace”. Your alias was a mask. Kinda like the internet, really. She wasn’t exactly gonna feel comfortable watching people engage in sexual intercourse in front of her. Clarisse had learned the hard way that it was difficult to say everything she wanted people to know about her thoughts and feelings while simultaneously confirming that they belonged to her. It was simple to detach from them. To refuse ownership of her heart, her mind, and whatever people meant by her soul. All she knew about the soul was that fiction really made it seem awesome. She’d claimed orange as the colour of her soul. A darkish, kinda browny orange. ‘Cause to hell with giving colors a deeper meaning.

Of course, Clarisse didn’t intend to let them continue festering upon her forever. She’d gotten her bat: shiny gold and ready to be swung with all the force that noodles could muster. Pepper had promised to send bills for the damage done to her door, but had eventually resorted to just getting it fixed using her own money. Clarisse couldn’t fault her. The weight of the company rested upon her shoulders. Still, if one more fucker tried to suck their funds out of them, she was gonna attempt to rev herself up for murder. OK, it sounded cool in her head, but she was pretty sure she couldn’t actually smash someone’s brain into iddy biddy pieces. Not even when the zombie apocalypse arrived.

The elevator doors opened revealing the most tremendous living room Kris had ever laid eyes on. If his memory served him, as it always did, this living room rivaled the one in the palace. A brief nostalgia entered his mind as he slowly paced through the penthouse. He could hear some music coming from the back room and something else that sounded like… moaning? That was odd. A movie perhaps? Kris approached the door, which was slightly open but not to any degree that he could see inside. He reached out and knocked on the door, the momentary contact caused his suit mirrors to flicker but only for an instant. That was a close call.

Beyond the explicit noises, she heard the rapping of a fist upon the door. If she hadn’t been engaging in private activities, then this would be pretty ok. ONLY SHE WAS AND SHITTTTTTT. She initiated protocol “close all tabs and pretend to scare at the computer screen with the utmost interest”, cheeks heating within the shadows of her private cave. “That you mum?” She called over her shoulder, simultaneously pulling her blanket over her eyes. It was probably Pepper checking on her or responding to the complaints of the tutor who’d marched out in a huff before the session was scheduled to end. Either way, she preferred not to be emotionally vulnerable. Even in front of the one person she held very close to her. Enough so to ask about her grievances without explaining her own feelings.

“Uh hello? My name is Kristoff Vernard, I'm here for Theodosia Maximoff.” Kris responded to the voice on the other side of the door, still hesitant to enter the room.

Oh, so the good news was flooding in. It wasn’t her mom. That kinda spoiled the mood a little bit, but whatever. That wasn’t so bad on it’s own. Y’know, just another stranger staging a raid on the private part of the tower where the owner lived. Probably on purpose, considering that most tourists actually heeded the “staff only” sign that had been plastered upon the elevator. Well, unless they couldn’t speak fucking English. That’d happened a couple of times. It was challenging to get their asses back on track. But no, he just stomped out any doubt she had. He just had to end his statement with Theodosia Shitface Maximoff. Come. On.

“AW FOR THE LOVE OF...meaning? You one of her goonies?” she questioned with a vibe of irritation. For the love of god, could that piece of trash stop being a subject of interest? Urg, whatever. If he was a minion, he was fucking gone. She’d had enough of being pep-talked by self-righteous pricks who expected a teenager to save the useless world and the idiots who inhabited it. Hence why the bat might come in handy to prevent anyone else from getting away with damaging her property. COULD THEO TAKE A HIT TO THE HEAD? PROBABLY NOT! Shit, they’d really dug their grubby lil’ claws into her head. “Can you gimme a can of ginger beer by the way?”

“Goonies? The movie? I'm sorry I don't quite understand. You want a beer? Uhm..” Kris turned and saw a refrigerator in the kitchen across the living room. He motioned his fingers and the door opened, then a beer went sailing through the air and into his hand. “Okay, I have one, now could you tell me where to find Theodosia Maximoff?”

Shit, did people actually know what the Goonies was? This was incredible. “YES! You seen it?” she questioned with a slight hint of hopefulness. She fucking loved that movie. It was a little dorky, but still. She probably was too. She could probably list the non-porn-related flicks she’d watched on her fingers. Hadn’t really grown up watching cartoons or movies or nothing, really. Wasn’t about to pirate them either. That was just a massive birdie to the face of whoever worked their butt off on the project. She’d come across the Goonies on T.V once, and it’d just kinda rooted itself into her brain. She loved it to hell and back.

Anyway, great, a trade-off. “Gimme.” She held out one hand without looking at him, still intently staring at her Kantai Collection home screen. They had very nice 2D assets. Very appropriate and totally not just her pretending to look while actually still having her blanket covering her oculars rather carefully. She felt like one of those people from Bird Box. She’d never seen the movie, but she’d seen some pretty funny videos on it. Seemed like an excellent comedy. Anyway, Theo. The less pleasant topic that she was expected to ponder. “I dunno. Check for stray portals.” she muttered with far less enthusiasm than before.

Kris was slightly taken aback by the person on the other side of the door. “Miss, it is rather imperative that I find the sorceress Maximoff. Does she reside here? I don't know of these portals to which you refer.”

Jesus, the confusion was infectious. She didn’t know why he expected her to be in her family’s apartment. “NO! Why the fuck would she live here? She’s not a relative! Wha-What the fuck?” What was this asshole’s deal? She was just gonna assume that he didn’t know nothing about Theo aside from her name. He certainly didn’t know that she yeeted herself and her annoying mates through portals into her life uninvited. Probably wasn’t a minion for Theo to shove in her face. That, or this was some spy movie shit going down.

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