Orlock Meets a Cow

Joint Post Between Largehobbit and Sebastian

Orlok knocked angrily on the door to Sam’s place.

“It’s Christmas and Santa wants in! Dude, I need me brain checked!”

There came a clattering from within as someone made their way to the door. Orlock banged again and someone shouted from within.

“Hold on, hold on.”

At last the sound of bolts being driven aside and latches being released and the door opened up a crack. Sam peered out and stood frozen there for a moment.

“No fucking way.” he whispered and then flinging the door open he cried out, “No fucking way!” His eyes were wide with amazement as he took in the sight of the underground TV star, standing right there on his fucking door step bold as brass. Sam grasped his “Where’s my potato” Tshirt completely lost for words.

“No…. fucking… Way!!!” he roared with utter glee. “Dude are we on Tv right now?” Sam looked around for the tell tale signs of a hidden camera crew and then realised he had no fucking clue what the tell tale signs of a hidden camera crew were.

“You!” he said pointing both fingers at the bewildered Orlock. “No fucking way.”

Orlok nodded solemnly at Sam, “Indeed. There is a fucking way even! I have come to request your services, oh brain hacky one. And perhaps some advice, seeing as you seem a wise and noble hermit. As payment I have some credits I stole off some goons. Here, treat yourself. Erm, sorry. There’s no data chip attachment reader thingy, just loose creds. But rest assured, I am the goddamned Batman. Take me to the weasels and help me unplug and unfuck me’ brain...”

Sam ushered Orlock inside and closed the door behind him. He looked around at the contents of his adult store and raised his hands with a grin,

“Mi casa su casa!” he announced, “Tina is not going to believe this. So you say you are having brain problems.” Sam made a gun shape with his finger, pointed it to his temple and pulled the trigger.

“I have some simple scanning stuff down stairs, Boris is the man really for all that, but he is out. So what do you… oh wait, I remember from the show. An evil corporation has stolen your memories and Rowan… geez I thought this was all made up. Rowan wants what is in your head. That about right?”

“Yup, that’s pretty much the gist of it. Erm also I’ve been getting these really weird flashes where I hallucinate shit that didn’t happen. I’m pretty sure Rowan has tracking bugs in my brain, too, seeing as she’s never surprised by the shit I pull.

Oh, oh. Also, I was in an accident in the mines a while back and I should by all accounts be dead but I’m not. Maybe see if you can find anything about that, oddly trustworthy computer nerd.”

Sam studied his strange visitor for a long moment, before slapping him on the shoulder in a slightly hesitant but friendly manner.

“I understood almost none of what you just said my friend, but I will do what I can. Follow me.”

Sam led the way down a dark hallway at the back of the store and opened the door to the basement. Noticing with some amusement that all of the security cams in the shop were suddenly trailing them he hit a control panel at the top of the stairs and the power to the building was suddenly cut.

“I am afraid.” he whispered, “ That the Orlock show will have to take a commercial break. Cant go broadcasting the contents of my workshop to the entire population of Downtown Oracle. I hope you understand.”

The walked down the steps towards a dimly lit corridor. A door was left ajar on the right and Sam quickly stepped ahead and closed it before Orlock could see inside. They made their way to what looked like an air lock and Sam tapped away at the access panel to crack it open.

“We are on a separate generator down here with shielded connections to the outside. It’s pretty much Spireproof so your employer should not be able to track you for a while.” Sam explained as they stepped into a small hydroponic garden, complete with a hi tech grid access station and a cow.

“Mooooooooooooooooooooo.” said Daisy.

“She likes you.” Sam laughed as he stepped over to what looked like a small operating table and slapped the surface.

“Well there is not time like the present, you best jump on. Unless you want to smoke first?” he motioned around the room indicating the vast array of home grown narcotics.

Orlok chuckled and waved his hand in the negative. “Nah, I’m good. I almost feel like we’re about to enter into a sort of new phase in my life where I develop as a person and become better, OR WORSE… Like character development, EXCEPT NOT!!! Once we’re done can you help set me up with a cred account so I can pay you?” Orlok hopped on the table.

< Prev : Chuckles Next > : She's a backdoor kind of girl