Attack of the Vibrators of Friendship and Fun

"Umm, I don't think this is a good idea. I'm not exactly the 'action heroine' kind of girl..."

"C'mon, it will be fun."

Vivienne sighed. "That's what my ex said the last time I touched dick. Fine, whatever, let's get this over with." She took the big metal penis-shaped 'UHF Emitter' from the strange man then followed everyone else outside.

The other women expressed similar angst over the shape of their weapon of choice and another weird dude showed up and complained about something. Then a random woman carrying a child screamed for help and all hell broke loose as a bunch of giant spiders chased her into the area.

"Why spiders? Why couldn't it be butterflies?!" Vivienne squealed. But then as she squeezed the trigger and the man-eating arachnids froze, Vivienne's terror melted away. Phallic UHF Emitter heating up and vibrating in her hands while the terrible spiders tripped over each other to escape from the invisible waves produced from the weapon, Vivienne's fear was replaced by excitement in multiple senses of the term.

"That's right! You'd better run before I chain you up and cram this thing up your nether regions!" she crowed as one of the spiders fled before her phallus' fury... right into a nearby convenience store. "Oh bloody hell," Vivienne cursed, giving chase. If there were survivors in the area, they could be hiding out in there!

With all the lights off, the store was dark, with only the sunlight coming in from the windows at the front providing much illumination. Goods throughout the store had fallen from their shelves and were littering the floor, but otherwise, there was no sign of the vile bigass arachnid. Clutching her weapon tightly for comfort, Vivienne carefully made her way through the store until she found herself at the unoccupied front desk. Getting behind the desk, she saw a display which appeared to show the feeds of the various camera's throughout the establishment, including one facing toward where customers would approach the desk she was at, like a lot of the convenience store robbery footage they'd show on the news.

"Is that really what my hair looks like from the back?" she murmured.

In another display, however, she caught sight of her quarry, hiding out in a corner of the store next to another figure, who was probably in great danger! It was action heroine time!

Using visual clues provided by the footage, Vivienne raced through the store in that direction. As she closed in on the area, she heard a male voice explain,

"...thfully, if anyone going to go to the extreme of wiping out a race not just in the present time but in every point of time, it's probably because they deserved it. Y'know what I mean?"

Vivienne arrived at the scene just in time to witness the spider nod vigorously in agreement to the man's statement as it was shoveling another person into its mandibles. "Get out of here you villain!" Vivienne yelled, pulling the trigger and bombarding the spider with invisible waves. However, stuck in a corner, there was nowhere for the creature to run to. The creature screeched and tried to make itself as small as possible to no avail. The thing began to choke on the person it had been eating as it shuddered under the bombardment... until it suddenly exploded.

"Not cool, man," the figure she had saved protested, now covered in spider guts.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know it would explode," Vivienne apologized.

"You killed my wife."

Looking at the disfigured half-eaten corpse of the person the spider had been trying to eat, Vivienne muttered another apology. "I'm sorry for your loss. I got here as fast as I could."

"No, you blew her up with that thing, man..."

Vivienne's brow furrowed. "Are-, are you suggesting that that spider was your wife?"

"Yeah man, and she came here for comfort after you attacked her, and now she's dead."

"A person can't marry a giant man-eating spider," Vivienne pointed out.

"Well, yeah, but I'm not a man," the man shot back.

"Well, what are you?" Vivienne asked, looking over the guy who, except for his blue skin and facial tentacles appeared to be very much a man.

"I'm a spider," he explained.

"Er, you are definitely not a spider."

"I am too a spider! You don't think I'd know if I was a spider or not!"

This guy has to be tripping out. Vivienne rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine, how did you become a spider?"

"We spiders do not speak of it."

Vivienne sighed. "Well, whatever, I guess I'd best be getting back to it..."

"What am I supposed to do now that you've killed my wife!" the strange man cried.

"I guess you could honor her memory by going to rehab or something."

As the man began to weep. Vivienne muttered, "Anyway, back to saving the world with my metal penis," and promptly fled the store...

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