The Swine Crew Switcheroo


This is my challenge post! It is supposed to be funny, so feel free to laugh.


Alistar was in the Common’s room, watching something on television. He had an hour break, so he wanted to relax while he could. He glanced at the clock. ‘I still have five minutes left of my break’ he thought with a sigh.

He switched it to the news channel. The reporter on screen seemed to be standing around a bunch of pigs. ‘Well this seems like a ridiculous to put on the news, but I can never tell if these things are really important,’ he thought, chuckling to himself. He put down the remote and just listened to the news story.

“I am news reporter Kurt Collins coming to you with a shocking development. There seems to be a strange disease going around that turns people into pigs. Yes, you heard correctly. It turns people into pigs.”

Alistar turned off the television at that point. He chuckled at the story. “I swear people are ridiculous, there is no such thing as a disease that turns people into pigs. And even if it did, we are in space.” he said, shaking his head to try to clear out the nonsense.

He went to the Mess Hall, hoping to get a cup of coffee, but stopped when he heard a peculiar noise. It sounded like...a squeal? He looked around to see one of the new recruits. She had a snout and floppy ears. Alistar went to her, wondering what was going on.

“What happened to you?” he asked kindly. The kindness in his voice mixed with both the worried feeling in his heart and the urge not to laugh. Somehow, he managed to keep a straight face.

“I-I-I don’t know,” she said, her voice coming out in a pig-like grunt. “It seemed like one minute I was fine, the next minute I had a snout and started talking like this.” she said. She suddenly got down on all fours and transformed fully into a pig.

“What is this madness?” Alistar said to himself. He began to think about the news report he had just seen, the one about people turning to pigs. He shook his head, surely this was just a coincidence.

“Don’t worry Miss...Piggy” he finally said, for lack of a better name. He smiled at that. He could have sworn the pig was glaring at him with such malice, the kind of look that said ‘I wish I could kill you right now.’ Alistar continued telling his plan, not in the least bit fazed by the death stare he was getting.

“I will find the Captain and hopefully get you back to normal,” he said. When Alistar reached the Captain’s quarters, he knocked on the door. The door opened by the third knock.

“Captain Nablesse, we seem to have a situation with…” Alistar froze when he saw that the condition of the captain was the same as the recruit he was now holding. He could not believe it. “If the captain is not safe, then who is?” he wondered to himself.

He went to all the places that he knew his fellow crewmates would be. And everywhere he went, he saw pigs. Not a single person to talk to, just pink pigs grunting and squealing. He sat down on a chair.

“What should I do, should I inform Star Fleet?” he asked, to no one, petting one of the pigs, he was unsure which one. He thought it best to do that, so he went over to the telecommunicator and tried to get ahold of them.

“Hello? Star Fleet? This is Counselor Alistar Bolvari of the U.S.S. Endeavor. We seem to have an issue on board.” he said.

Alistar was surprised to be answered immediately. “Yes, Counselor Bolvari. What kind of issue, is it important?” the officer on the line asked.

"Well yes it is. I am calling to report that I am afraid that the ship is going to crash into something." he reported, his tone of voice sounding panicked.

"Really Mr. Bolvari, and why is that?" the officer asked.

"Hold on, I will show you." he said stepping out of the way. "As you can see, the ship's crew has turned into pigs" he said, reporting the issue. "Please send backup now, otherwise the ship may go down" he yelled.

"Well, Mr. Bolvari, have you tried getting the ship back on course yourself" the officer asked.

Alistar was getting irritated with this officer. "I am a DOCTOR, not a DRIVER! I deal with medical issues, not issues with steering the ship!" he yelled.

"Okay, okay. You made your point. I will tell the commander that you are requesting backup." the officer sighed, then disconnected.

'I hope he actually sends help, otherwise we are toast.' he thought. He grabbed one of the pigs and began to pet them, trying to get over the anxiety. His anxiety was cut short when he heard voices, real voices instead of grunts and squeals. He looked up to see that the crew had returned to their original forms. He sat down in a chair and sighed in relief. Captain Nablesse came up to him, a confused look on her face.

“What the heck just happened, Counselor Bolvari, and why does it smell like a pigsty?” she asked. She raised her eyebrow in question, demanding an explanation from Alistar.

Alistar looked up at the captain and shrugged. Then he suddenly burst out laughing. “I do not know, Captain. My guess is that this is a new spin on the Swine Flu” he joked.

OFF: This concludes my challenge post

Counselor Alistar Bolvari
Ship's Counselor
USS-Endeavor NCC-9819

< Prev : It's NEWS to Me!-Part 5 Next > : Kobayashi Maru