View character profile for: Largehobbit
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So, this is rough.
I've been absent for countless days leaving the beautiful things I took part in in absolute shambles, and I have no idea how to make up for all of that. I'm back now for what I hope is a long, long, reliable time. I'm back, she says. Until when?
I feel that I owe an explanation yet there isn't much to it. Things happened all too quickly in a game that startled me, and because of a few peoples' sudden actions, left me feeling like I disappointed everyone. I failed in my first real trials of being a mod. They gave up on me and I gave up on the game, so it seems, which was the worst thing for someone in my position to do. I will never be proud of it. I'll never excuse it. And I fled like a coward instead of facing it head on because I didn't know how to resolve anything. I had little understanding of the event so thought "What's the point?" and vanished. Like that. I'm not here to cast blame in this very post but I do blame myself at least. That said, I understand that this is hard to forgive without the crude details but I will spare you those.
Scarce emails were sent all around OW of myself detailing that I would "finally get to the post" and the like. Do you think I ever did? I have countless unfinished documents of poor attempts at doing said finishing. (I also don't seem to get many email responses anymore...must've been the wind.)
This behavior is not typical of me. I try, I really, really do when it comes to these stories. I put my heart and soul into these stories and they've become a huge part of my world. This disappearing will not become a pattern so long as I have control because I hate it and it hurts and I'm scared. Worst thing about this, I gave no warning signs and left you in the dark. I care about the forgiveness aspect but I also simply want things back to normal.
After that, when I wanted to try and write again, all got swept away by real things away from the screen as expected.
Since I unintentionally abandoned ship, my creativity is absolutely blossoming but my writing doesn't feel the same. Damaged, if you will. Maybe you'll disagree if you've stuck around long enough to notice. Anyway, I'm not going to make up some silly excuse other than I put real life and my bad feelings first, which the former is understandable for most of you. My cowardice, however, not so much. As for the sake of my games, my members, friends...
With a new year upon us, I hope I can have your trust again because this really has been just terrible and ugly all around and I never want this to happen again. This isn't lengthy, it's not thorough, but it should be enough for now.
And to Silvercloud, WritingBug, and for the love of god Hob, I don't even know where to start. I am so sorry because none of you deserved this.
With deep regret and hopes of fixing a reputation,