...........Ew!

Who: Mk.7, Jay, Jack, CK, Chris Harris, Efof and canaries
Where: Scorpion
When: A few hours after 'speech' on Deck 13
Mk.7 had stored the Suicidal Insanity in a safe spot he had found in
the Scorpion, and was waiting at the airlock for the away team to board.
The airlock made a squelch as it opened up and five kill-crazy men in
yellow uniforms lept through, guns blazing.
"JESUS SMEGGING CHRIST!" yelled Mk.7, leaping behind a wall before
running back past the airlock, minigun-bazookoids firing wildly at
knee height, causing the insane canaries to drop to the ground in agony.
"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT!" yelled Jack, stepping over the writhing bodies,
followed by Jay, Chris, CK and Efof.
Mk.7 stood to attention.
"Sirs... and Efof. I have cleared the bridge of hostiles. Feel free to
head up there and inspect the controls."
Efof bent down and looked closely at Mk.7.
"Dude, it's us!" said Efof, tapping him on the head.
Mk.7 sighed
"I was trying to be as officia... of forget it. You lot head up, I'll
watch over the scu... canaries as they come aboard.
"Boy, I can't wait" said CK, and the all moved off towards the bridge.
Mk.7 leant up against the wall watching the canaries file into the
ship, and head off to their designated areas to clear the few
remaining bugs. As they all shuffled past, he swore he saw someone he
knew, and given the fact that all these peple cme from the brig, this
didn't sound entirely impossible.
After the last of the canaries came aboard the Scorpion, Mk.7 made his
way up to the bridge to meet everyone else. He entered to find
everyone looking frustrated and slouched in the raised nodules that
were clearly supposed to act as chairs.
"What's got everyone down?"
"We can't work out how to use any of these controls." said CK
"From what I can remember back when I was connected to the hive, some
ships react entirely by sound and smell." said Jay
"Well, that must be what these receptor things are for." said Mk.7,
jumping onto the raised panel which had the receptors protruding out
of it on stalks.
Everyone moved closer to examine them, and gathered around one in
particular. Jay, probably knowing the most, moved closest.
At that point, he ripped off a fart that would bring tears to your
eyes. Everyone but Efof and Mk.7 screamed and lurched back.
"Um... I had a really big curry last night..." said Jay
"Just as well my smell systems are deactivated." said Mk.7, who looked
over to Efof
"And just as well for Efof that gas rises."
Everyone thought about this for a few seconds, before lurching back
even further.
But this time, it was because the ship suddenly shot forward for a
split second.
The comms chanels suddenly lit up with profanity coming from the
canaries wo were all knocked over by the swift forward movement of the
Scorpion.
Everyone stood in awe at this discovery.
Mk.7 chuckled evilly.
"Hehehe, I can't wait to see the looks on your faces when we have to
accelerate." said Mk.7 with glee
However, Jay wasn't done with expelling his bodily gas. Figuring that
they had to experiment with EVERY kind of smell if they were ever
going to figure out how to control the ship.
He belched into the center receptor and the cannons sprang to life and
blew up a nearby planetoid.
Everyone else decided to help out in workng ot the controls, and
started making as many sounds and smells they could with their body.
Everyone but Efof, who had become rather bored and resigned to
slouching about around the receptor at the far left hand side of the
bridge. He decided to try and amuse himself by making farting noises
with his armpit, which caused the ship to begin to turn left.
The rest of the crew realised this and turned to look at him.
"Ok," said Jay "So armpit-farting makes the ship turn to the side that
it is coming from, breaking wind,"
"That means farting, Efof." interupted Mk.7
"Accelerates, and belching fires the cannons" finished Jay
"It's a shame Seymour isn't here." said CK
Everybody looked at him shocked, before seeing his smirk
"He's full of hot air"
<tag you lot>