Seymour + Lester "Escaping via wormhole"

OOC - I sent this on saturday under a different title, but Yahoo
seems to have gobbled it up so I'm reposting it, and I can't remember
the original title!
-------------------------------------
Who: Seymour, Lester (the nervous one), SNIDE... oh and Dai the Welsh
Engineer
Where: New Tenerife, The ruined Windsor Castle
When: After the HMS King Harry crashed
<snip>
He could see every deck, every cable and conduit, made out of the
finest crystal glass. It was embedded in what should have the been
the beach but what had actually become a sloping ice-rink, also of
glass. The whole thing had the eerie feel of a macabre ice-sculpture.
Seymour gawped at the eccentric beauty of it all.
"Fusion drive," Dai said quietly, "hot as the sun, isn't it?
Especially when you've got three of
them on the back of the King Harry. Super-heating of atoms, turned
the poor beggars to glass,
didn't it?"
"Th- that's both the most h-horrible and the m-most beautiful thing I-
I've ever seen," Lester
breathed.
Seymour blinked away the after-image on his retinas, then rounded on
the other two.
<end snip>
"What about the Queen?" Sheer horror was etched on Seymour's face.
Seymour ran through the rubble of the Queen's castle, only two of the
far walls remained standing. The others had collapsed inwards when
the King Harry had clipped it when it had crashed. Rubble covered the
ground and made it hard for Seymour to climb over, but he did as he
frantically searched for his Queen. "We've killed her. Do you know
what happens to people that kill Kings and Queens? That's treason!"
"Ah well, they'll blame it on the Welsh bloke, won't they?" Dai
muttered, out of Seymour's hearing.
After a while Seymour stopped his manic scrabbling and turned to the
others. Lester, Dai and the much smaller SNIDE were just watching.
"Help me then!" Seymour called back. Then he pointed at SNIDE. "You!
SNITCH or whatever your name is, can you scan for lifesigns?"
SNIDE beeped and whistled a couple of times, like an abusive R2-D2
and Lester sheepishly translated.
"SNIDE says uh... no, he can't scan for lifesigns, he uses his eye."
SNIDE moodily looked around a bit, running into gaps and crevices,
then nodded towards a pile of bodies underneath a partially
crystallised oak beam pretty much in plain sight.
Seymour ran over and pulled the beam away with the help of the much
stronger Engineer, the glass-oak cracked as they heaved it up. They
looked down at the bodies; Seymour regonised them as the Queen's
bodyguards.
"All dead aren't they?" Said Dai.
Seymour touched the top body, it had been mostly turned to glass just
like the TransMed ship had done, and it was still hot to touch.
Seymour rolled the body over and it shattered onto the ground into
fragments of glass pieces.
Seymour pulled at the second body, and the third. Then a feint
muffled shout could be heard. Dai pulled off the last body, to reveal
a very annoyed woman.
"About bloody time!" Shouted the Queen. "I was covered in dead
people." She looked at her dead staff on the floor. "Worse. Dead
employees!"
Seymour beamed with delight. He was tempted to hug her but believed
strongly in the class hierarchy and didn't want to overstep his
bounds.
He put his hands to his hips and observed the dead Royal
bodyguards. "They died protecting their Queen. There is no greater
honour."
"What?" Said Brittany. "So your ideal way to die would be to lay on
top of me? Are you some sort of sick pervert?"
"They protected you from the Fusion Dri- ...oh never mind." Said
Seymour. "I'm just so glad you're fine ma'am."
"Odd isn' it?" Dai was saying to Lester, "how
"Not for much longer." The Queen said as she pointed out over the
ocean. A second ship was flying towards them, skimming across the
ocean. The TransMed logo was brandished across the front and sides.
TransMed definitely wanted to make sure they were getting decent
brand awareness, even on gunships apparently.
"Ma'am, do you remember several years ago Phil Febuggure created a
portable Wormhole Drive for you?"
The Queen nodded. "Yeah, I use it to get to FHM photoshoots without
having to meet my perverted fans. I keep it on my... bedroom." She
paused as she turned back to the castle and pointed to where in the
ruin her bedroom was. A large heart-shaped bed had fallen into the
centre of the rubble.
Seymour and Dai the engineer crawled over the wreckage to go find it,
leaving the nervous looking Lester with the Queen. A long moment of
silence passed as Lester didn't know what to say to her.
"Hi. I'm the Queen." Said Brittany.
"L-L-L-L-Lester." Lester said, holding out a sweaty hand to
shake. "You d-d-d-don't look like y-y-y-you do in p-p-p-pictures I've
seen." Lester said.
"Yeah I know." Said Brittany. "They do a lot of airbrushing I guess.
Also does this help?" She pulled up her tight-fitting top and exposed
her breasts, then pursed her lips. Lester stared at her naked boobs
and felt extremely awkward.
"Erm.... Oh yeah, that's better. Just like your pictures," Lester's
eyes rolled back and he fainted dead away. SNIDE, however, remained
openly gawping, then without looking kicked Lester in the ear.
Brittany grinned.
Seymour came back with the portable wormhole drive. It was a small
mechanical device the size of a remote control.
He tripped over Lester, recovered, looked down and nudged the tech
with a boot.
"L-like looking at the sun..." Lester mumbled, then suddenly
scrambled to his feet.
Seymour showed the device to Lester: "It looks a bit damaged, but one
hopes it will work." He pressed a few buttons and pointed it in front
of them.
Space rippled, then was sucked into itself. A blue wormhole appeared,
with stripes of blue and white. All the colours of the union flag.
"W-Where does it g-go?" Lester asked, nervous about climbing into a
hole in the fabric of space.
"I've set it to New New New Zealand." Seymour said. "TransMed have my
baby and I want her back."
"No way!" Said Queen Brittany. "I'm going back to somewhere safe,
preferably with some nice shoe shops."
The TransMed gunship slowed down as it got closer to their island and
gun ports started to open.
"Come on. It might be a jolly good adventure!" Seymour said
optimistically. Lester, who had been the most nervous about stepping
through a wormhole was now more nervous about the gunship which was
just about to open fire, so dived through the hole in space. Dia
followed, and Seymour stepped through it carefully hitching up his
trousers.
The Queen put her hands up to her face and stepped carefully into the
hole in her high-heels.
--------Swishy Stargate-type effect here-----------------
Everyone landed on Lester.
He was the first in, so the one who got squashed at the other end.
Luckily for everyone else, he was too nervous to say anything about
it, especially to Queen Brittany, whose high-heels really dug into
his back as she tried to get up.
They all looked around. They were in a large circular arena with a
sand-covered floor. Shiny metal walls rose up on all sides where they
met with a sealed glass balcony. The glass was mostly opaque, but
Seymour thought he could see the shapes of many figures looking down
on them.
Then he realised what they were looking at.
Behind them, where the wormhole was fading, was a creature. It was
large, the size of a double-decker bus. It had heavily plated skin,
covering four stumpy legs, and a long rat-like snout. It's bony tail
swished around behind it.
At first it looked at them curiously. Then it looked at them like it
was hungry.
"It's a 14ft Armadillo, isn't it?" Dai said wonderingly, his hand
straying to his tool belt.
"Crunchy on the outside, smooth on the inside!" Lester yelled and
then fainted again.
"HE'S your army?" Queen Brittany sneered at Seymour.
"No..." Said Seymour. "That's nothing to do with me. The locator
display on this Wormhole gadget says we've landed in the heart of the
TransMed complex on New New New Zealand."
The Armadillo snorted and shuffled and fear replaced bitter
agravation.
<Tag J, or to be continued!>