Yarr!
YARR!
Where: Parrot's Bar
When: Whenever now is
Who: Canazza, Timmy, drunken space bums
The new year was well and truly passed, but only now were the hang-overs settling down. The remnants of the crew who could still move after the 10-day-long party in Parrots had gone back to their quarters, taking a bottle of the barman's 'X-tra strength Hang-over cure' which was, in essence, 3 raw eggs mixed with milk and a dash of something purple he found under his bed one day, and did nothing but make you sleep for 3 days. The bar was back to normal, except for the temporary toilets set out for those people who couldn't make it through the vents in time.
Timmy, who had drank every tap in the joint dry during the binge, was now nursing a virtual hangover, something, he was told by the engineering boys, wouldn't happen, as he lacked the proper sub-routines. The midget droid managed to hold the bars entire stock of Brandy and Vodka in his system for a good two days before having it expelled, sending him on a long voyage of discovery through the vents, ususally discovering that drink doesn't mask the pain of 30mph head on impacts with vent-shaft walls.
Canazza, was not nursing a hang-over. He hardly got his hands on any alcohol due to the sheer hatred held by the vending machine for him. All he got was cola, and something disturbingly blue that tasted like used odour eaters. Though not much of a drinker usually, he like something at christmas, just to take the edge off the cheesiness the occasion had become since some ancient TV company decided to put King Charles christmas speech on perpetual loop because they were taken over by the Grey Army in 2015. Eventually, however, Canazza did get a drink once the vending machine had the idea of serving him triple whiskeys in order to get him totally blitzed. Which he did, and ended up holding a bazookoid and shooting down all the christmas decor, then claiming victoriously how he saved BD from a giant robot santa and proceeded to shoot at the vending machine. And for 2 days straight the damaged vending machine served him the barman's hangover cures.
But now, slightly groggy, Canazza examines his surroundings, the decor is back up, but it's the normal decor. The giant inflatable Parrot is once again suspended above the door, the 'snow' has been removed from the wall scene of a tropical island.
Curiously, the smaller parrot that usually sits above Canazza's table is missing, he looks around to see it perched on Timmy's shoulder. He was wearing a small pirates outfit and an eye patch. The Parrot was almost as tall as Timmy and seemed cumbersome.
"Timmy... what are you doing?" Enquired Canazza, he heard it slightly after he said it, as he was still groggy from the many hang-over cured he ingested.
"Yarr!" he said, "I be metal-beard the fiercesome pirate!"
"Oh... and what do you want?"
"I want yee to walk the plank"
"what have i done"
Timmy takes out a nasty looking sword, "Yarr... i found out what yee did to me"
"What?" he replied, almost falling asleep again.
"The hangover subroutines... you little smegger, that's what"
"Oh..." he lost control of his neck and his head smacked off the table, he lifted it up, and held his forehead.
"Yee will not resist me" and he was right, Timmy pulled out a blindfold and tied it round Canazza's face with little resistance
"Yarr! Now walk"
Canazza lumbered forward, sword jabbing into his calf all the while. he walked onwards until he heard a click and a chair scraping. There was a feint smell of odour eaters.
He took off the blindfold and looked around, he was in one of the temporary loo's. He tried opening the door, but they were jammed shut. He looked down into the loo
"When in rome" he thought, "i havn't been in a day"
Just as he said that the loo began to move
"Timmy? What are you doing"
"YARR! I MAKE YEE WALK THE PLANK!"
"Uh oh..."
outside, Timmy was moving the porta-loo along towards the vents, he climbed up and dragged it horizontally through.
"Timmy... this is not funny" said the horizontal Canazza
"Yarr... yee shall pay for yee insolance."
"And it's thine you replace with your, not yee"
There was no reply, and he was speeding up. Outside, the loo was traveling down a sloping bit of vent, and out towards light.
The portaloo travelled onwards and burst out into the corridor, nearly crushing a skutter. It skited along, flipping over until it rested against the far wall upside down.
Canazza stepped out of the loo, covered in the blue chemical that's used to flush it, and he was smelling, oddly, of odour eaters.Name: Dave Canazza
Status: sick as a parrotÂ