Seymour Niples- \"Proving Love\"

Who: Ambassador Seymour Niples
Where: his Ambassadorial Quarters
When: as the love potion spread around the ship's ventilation system
Seymour wandered around his huge quarters wearing a silk bed robe,
the sounds of light classical music played from a gramophone on the
coffee table.
"Oh dear oh dear, this will not do!" He whined to himself. "I have
too many vases and not enough corners in my room to place them! Damn
the lovely antiquities shop back on Argus Prime!" he dramatically
overreacted. Even though the room was so big that his voice echoed
from the back wall a few seconds later. He moved an existing vase
pedestal.
"No no… that's messed up the whole feng shui of the room now, I'll
never get the balance right again! Maybe I could put something in
this door?" he opened one of many doors leading from the main room
and suddenly realised it was a door that opened onto the hugely
overgrown ship's arboretum-cum-jungle.
He started beating back the vines that burst into the room with a
mop he found, they snaked and moved as if they were alive.
"Nooo, get back infernal foliage, death to you! You'll get tree sap
on my newly polished floor!"
He pushed all the foliage back and slammed the door.
"Only one thing for it." He said to the massive room. "I'll have to
get more space, I'm a royal Ambassador for gods sake- I hate living
in such a squalid apartment."
As he opened the door to leave, resident Alien Efof Yuwan'Kar walked
in with torn clothes.
"Hello Efof dear boy! Good drief, what happened to you?"
"Seymour help, girls something's going on out there, girls are going
crazy and running after me, they tore half my clothes off!"
"Good grief! Well help yourself to some clothes, I'll off to talk
with Captain Alota about getting some more space…"
"More?" Efof said and waited for the echo.
"Yes I'm running a bit short you see. I had to turn my second master
bedroom into a auxiliary wine cellar last night."
Efof came in and opened a posh looking wardrobe to find some clothes
to borrow.
"No not that wardrobe!" Seymour said. Efof moved to another, this
wardrobe wasn't quite as posh, but still better than any other
furniture onboard ship.
"No not THAT wardrobe!" Seymour shouted. Efof moved further down to
a less posh looking wardrobe.
"No!" Efof moved down to the last wardrobe.
"No!" Seymour said and pointed to a chest, which Efof opened and
pulled some clothes out. It was full of rave gear, dog collars,
leather trousers, vest tops, furry boots and studded jeans with
holes in them.
"This is yours?" Efof said amazed.
Seymour blushed. "erm... from my youth. I'm not proud. Just don't go
out in them okay?"
Seymour dashed out of the room up to the Drive-Room.
Efof looked round, his head darting about like a curious animal. He
saw the gramophone. "Ooh, I've seen that DJ playing with these in
Parrots…" He said and walked over and started moving the record to
make a scratching sound.
"Ooh funky" He said nodding his head.
Seymour came charging back in "NOOO NOT MY MOTZART, YOU'VE SCRATCHED
IT!!!" He started hitting Efof with the back of his hand. "GET OUT!
GET OUT!!"
***Later***
Seymour banged on Alota's office door in the Drive room. Seymour
hadn't seen a single person on the way up here, which struck him as
pretty odd. Although he did hear quite a lot of commotion from every
block of quarters he passed. And it looked like some vandals had
broken into the condom machine on deck 9. He guessed there was a
ship-wide shortage of party balloons.
And what was that funny smell, he felt a funny feeling in the back
of his throat.
He knocked again and the door slid open. Alota stood there with a
file in her hand. "Seymour, I hope this is important- everyone seems
to have gone home early leaving me with all the paperwork."
"Yes I just came to say…." He looked at Alotta and felt a warm glow,
feelings flowed to the surface.
"I just came to say… you look extremely beautiful today my darling…!"
"Erm… wot?"
"The way the florescent light catches in your eyes…. The way you
hold that clipboard… the way your hair is slightly untidy as if
you've been hard at work, and not expected to see anyone but still
extremely silky and shiny…"
"Erm…Seymour, have you been drinking port for breakfast again?"
He continued
"the way the flight deck rotation roster sticks alluringly out of
your breast pocket in a very…sensual way…" he winked and took her by
the hand and kissed it softly.
"Ugh gerroff!" Alota pulled her hand back, the effects of the love
potion in the air obviously not affecting her, as she was in love
with Jay.
"No my darling this was meant to be! Hold me close!" Seymour said,
putting on his best poetry voice. "Be my valentine, I'll show you
how exquisite life can be when you're almost royalty!"
Alota slammed the door in his face with a look of disgust.
"Hmm, playing hard to get are we? I'll be back!"
And sure enough he was. Within half an hour he was back with a bunch
of cut red roses. "Hello my darling I'm back with some very….sexual
roses…" he rubbed his hand up his chest as he spoke. Alota came out
and was almost sick with the sight of it. Seymour had unbuttoned his
shirt almost down to his stomach and was rubbing his hands through
his thick chest hair. He leaned back against the communications
console behind. "Oh yeas baby you know you want some…" he said in
his most alluring voice.
Alota resisted the urge to gag and stood with her hands on her
hips. "Where the hell did you even get fresh red roses? The
atmosphere recycler on this ship isn't even pure enough to grow
proper red roses!"
I was keeping them in stasis for a special occasion…. For a special
laydee…"
Stasis? Do you know how energy inefficient those are! No wonder
we've had to reduce ship heating systems to 87% and life support to
92%! There was a pregnant woman in sickbay last week that had to
have her baby in the engine reactor cooling pools because we didn't
have enough electricity to heat her birthing pool, and that's
because you were keeping bloody roses in stasis?"
"But they are beautiful roses…." Seymour defended, sniffing them.
She stared at him.
"Alright, I feel like I need to prove my love for you…" he said.
"No your really don't! I'm in love with Jay!"
"But you've never had a Royal Ambassador…yet!" Seymour said running
out of the door.
***Promenade***
Seymour waltzed into the giftshop.
"Can I have your biggest cuddly teddybear please?" He requested. He
shop assistant grinned and pressed a button on the counter.
The entire back wall lifted like a hangar door… smoke poured through
from the back room. The back room was black, then Seymour saw the
silhouette of the teddy he was about to buy.
His jaw dropped.
***Drive Room***
Half an hour later
Alota pressed the button for the Express-elevator. She had been
waiting for quite some time already, the lift seemed to be stuck on
the Promenade level for quite some time.
Eventually the lift ascended to the Drive Room level and the doors
opened.
Alota screamed as the face of a Massive teddy bear beamed at her
from inside the lift. Then it toppled over on top of her.
"Sorry I took so long…" Said Seymour's voice from somewhere
behind. "I had to rip its arms off to get it in the lift!"
<tag to Jay or Alota, or anyone who could possibly find a use for
dismembered Teddybear limbs!>