Holo-Smith

Holly frowned. It wasn't that he was unaccustommed to the chaos he
spent most of his runtime observing aboard the Dwarf, quite the
contrary. In fact, Holly found it quite unnerving when a day went by
without any incredible coincidences or looming catastrophies. This
appeared to be one of those days indeed. Nothing but complete, pure,
quiet blackness all over the ship.
BLACKNESS?????????
Holly realized that he had all the security cameras turned off.
He turned them back on.
"Ah, thats a bit better," Holly mused "A swarm of evil clones are
torturing McJohn on the Promenade."
As soon as the feeling of relief passed, an annoying pop-up message
materialized in front of Holly's face.
Holly shut it off.
It came back.
Holly read the message, expecting ads for cyber-viagra or some such
moronic product.
**********************************************
WARNING!
THIS IS AN AUTOMATIC REMINDER THAT SPACE CORPS
DIRECTIVE 25674657886422657/J IS NOW IN EFFECT.
THEREFORE, THE SHIP'S COMPUTER HAS AN ESTIMATED
THREE MINUTES TO SELECT A HOLOGRAHIC CREWMEMBER
TO BE USED AS CANNON FODDER.
THANK YOU
**********************************************
Holly was (as always) confused. How could he select a holographic
crewmember is there were none aboard Red Dwarf?
A second message popped up:
*********************************************
TURN ONE ON THEN YOU SENILE ELECTRONIC MORON!
*********************************************
"Well, since theres only one crewmwmber unnacounted for and
therefore presumed dead, theres really only one choice," Holly
reasoned with uncharacteristic logic.
Once again, the truly unfortunate lifeform known only as John Smith
materialized on the Promenade.