Warm welcomes

Chrysler ambled along the corridor returning to his
quarters, all he needed right now, after spending days locked in a cargo locker
with Jack and Tara, then tearing around the ship on a motorcycle, battling
murderous copies of himself and Jack, was a shower, a shave and a trip to
Parrots for hangover inducing quantities of lager.
He breathed a sigh of relief as he reached the door to his
quarters, and tapped in the access code. The door slid open, and he was greeted
by a “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!” and by being bowled to
the floor by an insane woman lunging at him.
“Hi honey” he said as Alota attacked him,
leaping on top of him as he lay on his back in the corridor
“YOU’RE NEVER GONNA TAKE THIS SHIP!” she
screamed, and whilst straddling Jay, started swinging for him.
Jay, simply grabbed her by the wrists and held them by the
sides of her head.
“It’s me…” he said, not bothering to
put any effort into his explanation
“BULLSMEG!” she responded “You’re
one of those smegging clones! What have you done with my
husband?!”
“I am you’re smegging husband!”
Jay shouted, grabbing her by the waist and lifting her off him. He got to his
feet.
“The clones have been killed!” he said “I’d
have thought that as captain you’d be the first to know!”
“There were rumours…but you cant be too careful…”
she said, taking on a deranged Kung-Fu stance.
She looked into Jay’s eyes ands smiled, lowering her
fists. “It is you” she said “Thank god..I..I thought they’d
killed you right at the start”   she threw her arm’s
around Jay.
“C’mon you know be better than that…”
“YAAAAARRGH!” was heard from behind Jay, who let
go of Alota and turned to see Dean charging along the
corridor, then lunging at him, throwing him once more to
the floor.
“DEAN!” Alota said “This is the REAL Jay!”

“Cant to be too careful captain!” Dena said,
trying to slap Jay who simply brushed Dean aside pushing him against the bulkhead.
“It’s me you utter, utter gimp, and what the
hell is that?!” he pointed at the stuffed chimp dean was holding
“Well….they locked out the weapons didn’t they…had
to defend myself with something…”
Jay sighed, and dismissed Dean, he wasn’t in the mood,
he turned toward the entrance to his quarters and began walking in.
“GGGAAAAAAAAAHHHH!”
Jay found himself bowled to the floor again as another
would-be attacker leapt at him.
“PHIL FOR SMEGS SAKE IT’S THE REAL JAY!!!”

“I know…” he said “HE STOLE MY F##KING
BIKE!!!!”