Image of Dr. Artemis K. Pritchard VI

Summary: The psychotic uber-genius that cut a dark, bloody swath through the realm of science, father of 8

Dr. Artemis K. Pritchard VI

Owned by:

Gender: Male

Age: 51

Group: Scientists


ILIAD (Brain-Robot, formerly Human)


Innovative Sciences Officer, Freelance Inventor, General Nuisance

Former Positions: Automated Systems Protocol Unit, Guild of Science Council Member, Charon Laboratories Inc. Lead Innovative Researcher

Physical Appearance

After being mortally wounded by his nemesis, Artemis voluntarily switched to his personal ILIAD (Indefinite LIfe sustAinment Device).

The ILIAD is a floating robot that contains his brain, floating in a glass dome filled with blue liquid. The robot has fold-in arms, and a small stun laser for personal defense. A trio of monitors, one for each eye, and one for the mouth, act as Artemis' "face"

Personality and Interests

Psychotic, neurotic, paranoid, but ultimately one of the most brilliant minds in known space. He suffers from severe bipolar disorder and several mental instabilities due to the stress of his career, and the crushing desire to please his overbearing father (which he no-longer tries to do). One minute he's a happy, go-lucky smegger, and the next he's head-crushingly angry. It is easy to distinguish that he is mentally unstable. He hates taking orders and will usually retort with sarcasm or bizarre threats when ordered to do something (it's best to just let him do his own thing, it usually doesn't blow up in the collective face of the crew). He crumbles under criticism, especially when it's about his work. Pritchard has been known to snap on occasion due to this, but can usually be brought back down with ice cream or curry. His obsessive compulsive disorder drives him to constantly take notes and organize his entire workspace by color, shape, size, and purpose. He tries to cover this up and will often wait until there is nobody present to re-arrange his lab. He has many fears, the only one of which known to anyone is the fear of the color Mauve (which Artemis classified as Mauviphobia). He is terrified of the color and will freak out at the sight of it, so he made himself color-blind to it, his brain automatically replaces it with his favorite color. His favorite color is Cardinal, a shade of Red.

In terms of behavior Artemis has changed since he first arrived. He still berates people for incompetency, but less than he used to. He has begun to value his comrades more after coming to terms with the reality of his new life. Though he won't pick a bazookoid and defend them from harm, he'll do his best to keep them safe from anything that falls within his realm of expertise. When around others Pritchard acts relatively normal, making small talk and participating in the regular activities aboard the ship. However, due to his bi-polar disorder his tone will often change on the same subject several times within one conversation, though he is trying finally to control this with medication. He is no stranger to conflict, but will often take extreme measure to avoid it, particularly with things that land outside of his comfort zone, or things that would have major consequences for a large amount of people (this behavior came about of the Charon Incident). This was evidenced by his refusal to pick a side during the conflict aboard Blue Dwarf, when approached by both the JMC and his fellow crewmen, he simply told them to "smeg off". Pritchard didn't want to become embroiled in something that might kill a lot of people, again (luckily he was frozen when everything went down, so he didn't actually have to participate in the fighting at all). He will defend himself if threatened or in a hostile environment (as evidenced by the home made flamethrower) but will tend to rely on others for defense.

He is obsessed with science, particularly in inventing new things. He is driven to invent, alter, and improve his surroundings and his peers. It isn't uncommon to wake up in the middle of the night to Pritchard standing over you with a psi-scanner and a handful of different medicines, or to see him installing a nuclear powered battery into a toaster. He has 12 doctorates in Biology, Xenobiology, Geology, Chemistry, Astronomy, Astrology (contested, as many protest the fact that Astrology was made into a real science in 2020), Genetic Engineering, Robotics, Astrogation, Political Science, English, and Esperanto. He was once considered the smartest human being alive, but after the Charon Incident, many just consider him a threat to the very existence of mankind. When asked to create something, he'll usually do it. The end result might not be exactly what you asked for, but usually it'll perform better than first expected. He WILL NOT however perform elective surgery (breast implants, lip implants, etcetera) as he sees them as "immoral" and "stupid", his reasons are his own (which is weird coming from someone like Pritchard).

Artemis no longer feels guilt for the 'death' of Frank Cadbury, who was revealed to be alive. He was kidnapped by Lars Lindstrom and taken to time jail. However, Artemis does not know Frank's current whereabouts.

Outside of science he is deeply interested in mythology and literature. When not working or trying not to get killed, he can be found participating in virtual reality simulations of ancient Greece, Rome, or even popular fiction. On occasion his scientific enterprises intertwine with his mythological and literary interests, resulting in the creation of mythological creatures and fictional characters, albeit mutated and warped from their original form. His fondness of mythology and literature is one of the few things that he can relate to any other members of the crew with (how many other people are genuinely interested in illegal super-science?)

Artemis is no longer haunted by the Charon Incident. During his adventure in the Roo Outpost of the swamp moon, he met an old colleague (who was a hamster in disguise) who clarified just exactly what happened. It was his partner's arrogance and insistance to include Roo technology in the IPBM that caused the blast. No longer feeling guilt about the Charon Incident, Artemis has become calmer and less nit-picky about "incompetence".

Artemis is currently married to a highly intelligent self-aware Skutter. The light purple Skutter, who has no actual name and is respectfully referred to as "The Missus" or many of Artemis' pet names, was once a lab aid to Artemis and Cadbury, and was spared when he turned the rest into mindless slaves because of her defiance. The two grew closer up until Artemis was frozen. Upon his return following the Sand World detour, Artemis fell back to his familiar companion, eventually marrying her out of mutual attraction. The Missus rarely leaves Blue Dwarf and will often aid her husband in his ship-borne tasks. She is laid back and friendly, but also sassy and quick to fight back if provoked. She is extremely protective of hers and Artemis' children and will do anything to protect them.

Artemis, thanks to his robot body, was able to have children with The Missus.
There are four boys and four girls. The jet black evil-genius (like his father) Artemis K. Pritchard VII, the awkward orange giant Plato, the peppy lime green Nikola, the tiny, fearful little crimson Archimedes, the girly-girl neon pink Marie, the grey gothic downer Rosalind, the kind, smart, and strong purple skutling (who takes entirely after her mother) Helena, and the Cyan destructive madwoman Athena.


The son of one of the greatest scientists of all time, Artemis K. Pritchard V, and the sixth and final of the great line of Pritchard scientists. He was never truly born, more or less "grown" by his father and his super-computer mother, M.U.T.H.E.R. (having no genetic material from his mother, he is literally "all male", having a YY chromosome). He was bred to be the next of the great scientists, but since he first attended school, had done nothing but disappoint his father. He first attended school at the Saturn School for the Scientifically Gifted where he was constantly in trouble for his sick experimentation on his fellow classmates. Out of fear, his teachers sent him to be tested. He was diagnosed as being a class ten psycho, a side-effect of being an Uber-Male with a YY chromosome. His father, though ashamed, tried his best to make the best out of a tough situation. Pritchard was transferred to the Luna Academy for Brilliant Psychotic Children.

At the age of ten Pritchard was promoted to the high school level due to his immense intellect, and because the teachers simply wanted him out of their hair (you can only get eaten by a mutant curry monster so many times before you finally can't handle it any more). At high school he excelled in every subject, but was often sent to detention and MAXX DETENTION for his behavior and constant experimenting on his classmates. After being sent to detention for the 10,000th time Pritchard's father finally had it and gave up on his son, and turned his attention to his brothers Percy, Phillip, Jimmothy, and his sister Juanita. Pritchard took this hard and struggled to regain his father's favor, never succeeding in anything except making him loath him even more.

Eventually Pritchard made it to the Academy of Science where he began the pursuit of his 12 degrees, wanting to beat his father's record of 11 degrees. Pritchard shot to the top of his class, again at the expense of his peers. Years of hard work passed, and Pritchard gained numerous doctorates (including some that were "just for the hell of it"). At his graduation ceremony, after gaining his 12th doctorate in Astrogation, Pritchard saw his father for the first time since attending the academy. Instead of congratulating him, his father berated him for taking away his legendary status at the academy. Fed up with his father, Pritchard hit his father over the head with a spanner, stole a handful of free flan from the catering table, and left.

Pritchard, now with full blown Neurosis and Paranoia from the constant stress of his school career, enlisted with the Guild of Science. He was welcomed into the prestigious organization, but due to his reputation, was also feared. Pritchard was posted at the Guild's Innovative Science facility on Charon, one of Pluto's satellites (and the outermost Guild facility where the Guild Council knew he would be far enough away not to cause too much trouble but in a good enough location to profit off his skills). Pritchard immediately got to work conducting morally questionable research. His experiments revolved around illegal genetic engineering, robotics, and temporal incursions. His first notable experiment was the creation of the "Mega Skutter", a Skutter with true artificial intelligence that allowed it to perform more complex tasks. The Mega Skutter was popular across the colonies, up until they rebelled against their owners. Pritchard claimed that the "Mega Skutters are like teenagers, they have phases, and that their rebellious phase was unnaturally long and drawn out". Years passed before his next notable experiment landed on the front page news, a female clone of himself . Pritchard began selling opposite-sex clones on the internet and made a large profit, which allowed him to bankroll his ultimate experiment, the Cold-Fusion Laser. However, the Guild of Science caught onto his illegal clone trafficking. The guild collected the clones and ordered him to euthanize them. Instead, he stole a starbug from a JMC depot and set them free. The Guild of Science cut the funding to the Charon lab and prohibited Pritchard from leaving the planet until he paid off his fines.

Pritchard's Guild career continued for years, and was pock-marked with numerous citations and arrests for his illegal and heinously immoral research. His career with the guild came to an explosive end when an expansion of the Brooklyn Project resulted in the destruction of the Charon facility, and the deaths of everyone except Pritchard and his partner Lars (who had been rescued by their superior, Dr. Dimitri L. Yemelyanenko X, who was really a Roo in disguise, and kept prisoner). The Guild released Pritchard and terminated all contracts with him. Pritchard, now homeless and broke, enlisted with the Space Corps. However, as Artemis discovered after meeting his former superior, Dr. Dimitri L. Yemelyanenko X revealed that it was Lars who caused the accident. Lars tried installing Roo technology into the IPBM, causing the fatal blast.

The Space Corps stationed Pritchard aboard the JMC Blue Dwarf as the Innovative Science Officer. Pritchard fulfilled his duties for the science department, but continued his immoral research. Fortunately for Pritchard, nobody really did much about his research, although pretty much ever single crewmember knew that he was doing it. He was involved in the daily comings and goings of Blue Dwarf, and was one of the better known "lower deck weirdos" by his fourth year. However, as much as people were weirded out by him, many asked Pritchard for "help". Robotic girlfriends, performance enhancing drugs, genetically engineered food, and anything else the crew wanted was theirs, thanks to the oddly helpful Dr. Pritchard. Over the years, Pritchard collected a stockpile of dollarpounds from his "transactions" with the crew, which he then used to bankroll his lifelong dream of creating a Cold-Fusion Laser. Sometime before the sabotage and resulting radiation leak, Pritchard finished his grand experiment. Upon the initial test, a faulty power coupling burst and caused the machine to explode. In his attempts to save the fusion coil Pritchard inadvertently activated the machine. Pritchard and the entire innovative science department were flash frozen and sealed off from the rest of the ship. The thick layers of ice protected Pritchard and his labs from the radiation leak. 3,000,000+ years passed and the frozen labs went largely unnoticed by the surviving crew. However, a leak from a faulty chicken soup machine, which had been steadily dripping hot soup into the lab for years, finally thawed Pritchard out. Freed and millions of years away from the Space Corps and his overbearing father, Pritchard hopes to start anew in this strange and utterly new environment.

Following the adventures in the Roo outpost and the sandworld, Artemis has undergone a psychological change, having fully realized the reality of his new life, and taking a driven trip down memory lane to see how empty his life was. Artemis also married a highly intelligent Lab Skutter. The nameless Skutter, affectionately referred to as The Missus, would go on to replace the late Frank Cadbury as Artemis' assistant.

After an intense fight with his nemesis, Lars Lindstrom, Artemis was gravely wounded. After being rescued and brought back to Blue Dwarf in a daring move by Jay Chrysler, Artemis had his brain transferred to his personal ILIAD robot to stay alive.

Due to being in a robot body, Artemis suddenly found himself compatible with The Missus. The two had eight Skutlings.

While he was away on the second trip to Fernandos, Artemis missed his 50th birthday. He celebrated it with his family upon returning to the ship.

After the fiasco with the STCP and their final defeat, Artemis was rendered inert by forced-shutdown due to his extremely degraded OS. After being revived, he has come to discover that he has been stripped of his commission and had been assigned to the robotics division as a protocol unit (a translator and a scribe for the various robots and computers on the ship), a punishment for "sexual misconduct with company property" (IE, having kids with the Missus). Being the arrogant prick he is, Artemis had decided to blow off his new position and take his science underground.

Artemis' job as protocol unit did not last long, however, as the arrogant scientist rapidly became fed up with his position and sought to regain his former position. After some backroom deals and negotiations with ship officers, Artemis attempted to join the Innovative Sciences staff. Knowing his reputation, they refused to let him join their department. Not to be denied, Artemis rallied many of the robot friends he had made and staged a coup, deposing the head scientist there. Once installed as the Innovative Sciences Officer, he re-assigned the others to lower positions in the department, completing the reinstatement of his previous position.

Favourite Sayings

"I call it, lächerlich über komplizierte süßigkeiten wiedergabe des Mach 1! Or just the Mach 1 for short"

"Oh for the love of all that is scientific I hope that this isn't a tattoo of President Clinton"

"If I wasn't so sure you could kick my ass I'd strangle the life out of you!"


"You do realize what kinds of things are stored here? The experiments I have stored here, weapons, robots, chemical elements, sexy the wrong hands, they could cause unparalleled, and disgusting, damage!"

"Firstly, thank you ever so much for completely destroying my lab and trying to kill my wife and colleagues. It's going to take weeks to get it back together, as if I didn't have enough distractions from my experiments. Secondly, fuck you, fuck the portal you came in on and the machine that created said portal, fuck your constructor, fuck your constructor's wife and kids, fuck your stupid 1970's horror movie aesthetic, and fuck whatever mission you're on. If I ever get my hands on the materials to build a quantum bomb, I'm gonna fucking bury you"

"hey Hey HEY! Watch your tone or I'll steal your fucking organs while you sleep! There's GELF's that'd pay top dollar for what you got under there!"

"That sounds positively magnificent! - Adaptable and violent, two of my favorite traits in a life form!"

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