Jed Calvert - "Cowboy Captain" pt2

Who: Jed Calvert
Where: In the Drive Room of the Passenger Cruiser "Myra Belle"
When: 10 minutes after last post
The young officer lead the scruffy-looking Jed Calvert to the Drive
Room of the Passenger Cruiser "Myra Belle".
Jed took a moment when entering to look around the room. There were
four or five officers scurrying around computer screens, and quite a
few bodies laid on the floor. Jed noticed the previous grey haired
Captain, whose body was still there, things having been too urgent to
remove him. The man's body was pinned to the wall a sharp pipe having
fallen from one side and been pushed through his eyeball from some
previous explosion.
Never having been uncomfortable around death, Jed walked over and
twanged the pipe. Other bridge officers gagged.
"Y'all aint be far wrong. This man is totally dead."
The ship rocked with a couple more explosions and Jed acted like he
didnt even notice them, although the entire bridge crew seemed to be
panicking enough for him too. The rest of the Drive Room crew looked
inexperienced, and were busy rolling the ship into various acrobatic
manouvers to escape the ship that was firing at them.
Jed looked up at the viewscreen. Well, it was more like a widescreen
HD TV really, but quite a nice looking one. Jed thought about stealing
it later.
A small ship hung over them, firing occasionally.
"Is that the ship that's causing all this ruckus?" Asked Calvert. A
young woman at the helm turned around and nodded.
"Yes sir. They might look small, but they more than match us for weapons."
"Why? How many weapons do we have?"
"None sir."
"Dang." Calvert rubbed his chin and sunk into the central Captain's
chair. He put his feet up on the computer immediately in front of him
and instantly looked like he owned the place. "Sir... now there's
something nobody's called me in a while."
"Sorry... mister." Said the woman who first called him by rank.
"I didnt say stop calling me it!"
"Yes sir!"
"It appears these bullwackers have got the bulge on us, but I do
reckon his Jig is up. Get them lilly livers on the line!" Jed said,
and stood up dramatically. A few of the bridge officers looked around
at each other and shrugged, none of them seemed to understand what he
was saying.
"Get them on the line goddammit!"
Someone opened communications and the snarling face of the opposing
space pirate filled the widescreen TV. He was an ugly man with
sharpened teeth and an eyepatch.
"Aarr me hearty! Surrender your vessel and give it over to us or we'll
cut ya!"
Jed lunged straight from his seat and stood inches away from the
viewscreen with a nasty scowl on his face. "Listen here friend.. Ah'm
not wanting to cause a ruckus here but me and my men commandeered this
boat before y'all got here and if you don't hold your horses on
shooting it up I'm gonna get reeeal testy."
"Oh a threat eh?" Said the Pirate. "I likes me a challenge! But it
looks like you don't have any weapons... therefore I win. Now
surrender and let me hearties board. Oh and line up all your gold,
food and women by the airlocks to save us time, we may be pirates but
we stick to a tight schedule y'know. Ahaar!"
Calvert grimmaced and pinted his finger at the screen.
"Well I'd hoped to have settled this like thoroughbreds, but it seems
like its down to the gritty. You really don't know who you're talking
to do ya? No of course you don't... because people who get to know of
my reputation die soon after."
The Pirate rose an amused eyebrow.
"Oh you may mock friend, but nobody messes with Wild Jed Calvert and
lives to tell of it. Let me introduce you to my crew." he pointed to
the young officer that brought him to the bridge. "This is Chad 'The
Strangler' McKlein.... and this is Missy 'The Gnasher' Wilcox." he
pointed to the woman at helm, who flashed her teeth at the screen for
effect.
"Woah, but them fangs away Missy, you'll have your feed soon!" Said
Jed, playing to the screen.
"Now get out of mah goddam face or i'll..." Jed turned to the young
officer behind him and whispered. "Have we really got no weapons at
all? What about that large radar thing I saw on top when I was landing?"
"That's... a radar."
"Ah see. Can it move?"
"Yes, it can pick up Sky sports from every every Space Corps sector..."
"Good, move it to point at their ship."
Jed turned back to the Pirate. "As you can see i'm serious about mah
threats. We're targetting you with our high-grade neutron laser. This
thing can soak your ship with so much radiation its as hot as a
whorehouse on nickel night!"
"You're bluffing!"
"Try me." Jed pulled his best poker face and dagger eyes. "Now git out
of mah sight before we knock you gallery west and have a hog-killing
time with your cocked-hat excuse for a ship!"
The pirate narrowed his eyes and stared deep into Jed Calvert's. The
two stared at each other for an awkward, anger fuelled minute untill
the pirate broke off his gaze, as if he'd seen too far into Jed's eyes
that he saw something really really terrible. He closed the com link
and flew his ship away.
The bridge crew gazed at jed in silent awe, not knowing whether to
praise or be scared of the man. Jed jumped onto the Captain's chair
and for a few seconds rode it like a rodeo before jumping down.
"How can we thank you sir?" said the young officer behind him.
Jed took the fat cigar out of his picket and bit into the end. "Don't
thank me. Just point me to the nearest drinking hole and the whorehouse!"
< To be continued! >