Seymour in prison pt1

Who: Seymour Niples
Where: A New François Prison
When: After he was arrested
Seymour banged on the prison door. "Listen, you can't do this to me!
I'm a Royal Ambassador! I have diplomatic immunity! Doesn't that mean
anything to you people?!"
There was no answer.
But Seymour was an insistent arrogant sod so didn't give up. "I didn't
do anything! The Blue Dwarf DOESN'T have any plans to bomb your
miserable planet, and we had NOTHING to do with whatever bizarre
occurrence happened to your Prime Minister!"
Finally the door unlocked with a loud clang and a guard entered. "Will
you shut up merci Monsieur Nipples! Ze other prisoners are complaining
of the noise!"
"What cheek!" Said Seymour. "And for the last time it's `Niples' NOT
Nipples!"
The guard sighed.
"I'm trapped like a caged animal in here, it's so barbaric! Sleeping
on the cold hard floor, eating gruel and having nothing but a bucket
for a loo."
"Excuse-moi monsieur Nipples but you have a bed to sleep on, a
carpeted floor and an en-suite bathroom! And our chef is one of the
best in New Francais!"
Seymour was silenced as he looked around his well furnished prison
cell. The guard was right, the French did seem to look after their
prisoners very well. If it were anyone else, they would have felt like
they were living in absolute luxury.
"Yes!" Seymour still felt the need to argue. "But I normally have a
4-poster king size bed, and three bathrooms!"
The guard shook his head, left and slammed the door shut.
Seymour was alone. He laid on his soft bed and sunk in. "Bloody
barbaric prison beds!" He whinged. "Too bloody soft! I'll get back-ache."
<To be continued>