Seymour - Dining during the battle pt2Posted by
Posted: Jun 22, 2008, 6:50pm
Who: Seymour Niples
Where: A small Italian Restaurant, The Mollopod planet
When: As the Krylons attack
The robot replied with a mechanical voice. "You are correct. You will
never have another chance."
The robot's arm changed from a gun to something more dangerous at
close combat. A chainsaw.
Seymour ran through a small door at the back, and ran along a small
cobbled alleyway. Seconds later, the robot appeared through a wall.
Crashing through it effortlessly.
"You are human." It called after him. "You are most likely from Blue
Seymour almost stopped as it mentioned that. But he continued. It
seemed odd that the Krylon singled him out as being from the Blue
Dwarf, he could have been any human from any ship.
Seymour was almost out of breath but he ran through the Krylon
back-streets. If he would have been paying close attention he would
have noticed the architecture was reminiscent of the Roman and
Byzantian eras, with subtle nods to the Corinthian market street
layout. Since he wasn't, we won't mention it again.
The only time Seymour did stop was to force huge amounts of oxygen
back into his lungs, his body couldn't take all this running. He held
his side as a stitch burned into his midsection.
The robot wasn't far behind. A shower of stone brickwork fall from the
corner Seymour stood against, the metal killing machine was lashing
out with it's circular saw.
Seymour couldnt run any further. He didn't want to, and he literally
couldn't. He had taken a wrong turn and was not at a dead end. The
road ended with a carved head of some former Mollopod leader on a
fancy-looking plinth, the passage went no further.
The robot appeared at the entrance to the tiny cul-de-sac, blocking
Seymour's only escape. Seymour wheezed for breath but the air here
smelled foul, and made him gag. This was even worse then the time
Mini-Phil had hidden Tesco bags of sick in the Blue Dwarf's
The robot looked at him and scanned him. "Human. Male. Nipples.
Seymour." It read robotically from it's memory banks.
"Nipples. That is how it is spelled in my data file."
"Well it is pronounced Niples, it's French. Ni-ples!"
Seymour gave up. "How do you know me?"
"We have been programmed to capture any crew from JMC Blue Dwarf."
"Mining Ship. Blue Dwarf appeared in Krylon Root Directory on
15.04.2108 human calendar. Objective was to spy on Krylon Root Directory."
Seymour nodded. The Blue Dwarf was sent into the Krylon's unusual
dimension through the "Firewall", a gateway designed to kill any human
life that travelled through. The Blue Dwarf was actually programmed to
automatically jump back when it had collected enough data, but it
hadn't. Something must have gone wrong.
"We have captured JMC Blue Dwarf."
"We have captured JMC Blue Dwarf."
"Well you're welcome to it. It's a big pile of junk." Seymour waited
for a moment. "Listen, I left a very expensive tea-set in my
apartment, would I be able to get that back?"
"Come with me."
"Not bloody likely!" Seymour said, and in an unlikely display of
bravery, Seymour picked up the carved stone head from the plinth and
was about to insert it up the robot's USB slot when he realised how
heavy it was and dropped it on his toe.
The robot watched in amusement. "Come with me."
Seymour used the pedestal that the head was on to get a leg-up. He
scrambled over the wall to his left and realised what it was that
smelled so bad. The wall seemed to be the exterior of a sewage plant.
Several hundred meters in each direction was a large tank full to the
brim of sewage.
The Mollopods were a people who loved their food. They ate practically
all of the time, so they produced a lot of waste. That is why their
city had many large sewage plants. The Mollopods themselves have
extremely bad body odour, which is why they didn't mind living in such
close proximity to their own bodily waste.
Seymour balanced on the wall and put his sleeve up to his nose to
attempt to filter the smell. It didn't work. He looked below at the
Krylon who was just about to jump up the wall after him. For a brief
second, the Royal Ambassador considered swimming in the slurry to
escape, but he realised he probably wouldn't be able to find a tailor
in this city who would make a suit that wasn't a huge Mollopod size.
The robot jumped, and fell straight into the slurry with a large
splash. Luckily Seymour avoided getting any of the chunky bits on him.
The Krylon sank straight to the bottom with a horrible cry about it
getting into his USB slot.
Seymour grinned and dusted himself down. Sadly, he would get splashed
in about five seconds.
Jay was currently dangling from a rope. His counter-balance was a man
holding onto a harpoon gun. The very harpoon gun that had been fired
through Jay's leg, but Jay wasn't going to whine about that.
Quite far below him was hard concrete. It was too far to even consider
falling without breaking something. Jay realised that he could swing
left and right. If he swung far enough right, he could reach a balcony
jutting out from the building with a nice soft mattress to land on. If
he swung left... he would be above a sewage pit.
"Justin, I'm going to swing, but you'll have to give me some slack."
Jay called out.
Justin couldn't hear anything. "What?" He shouted back.
"I said give me some slack. I'm swinging to the left, get ready to
give me some slack in five, four..."
"You want me to let go? Okay."
Justin let go.
For a moment, Jay floated in the air, as if gravity had somehow not
realised that it needed to act on him. Jay was directly above the
sewage pit, and fell.
The Mollopods were an advanced race of creatures. They were so fat and
lazy that they had invented the teleportation device before the car.
Mollopods didn't like cars. They required effort to walk to, get in,
drive, and get out again. Why bother doing that if you can click your
fingers and just appear there.
Mollopods used the same teleportation technology for everything,
including waste extraction. Which is exactly why 4 seconds after
falling into the sewage, Jay Chrysler had a wet turd beamed directly
onto his head.