RE: [JMC_Blue_Dwarf] Pancake over for dinner at the posh Captain\'s table

Oh my god that was brilliant!
 
...even if it was alittle squicky... >_>
 
So, pancake is the son of an admerial? Are we ever going to see him?
To: JMC_Blue_Dwarf@yahoogroups.comFrom: henry_pote_ma@...Date: Wed, 24 Sep 2008 20:27:08 +0000Subject: [JMC_Blue_Dwarf] Pancake over for dinner at the posh Captain's table

Who: Justin Pancake and Callum KochanskiWhere: The Alternate BD where Phelps is the CaptainWhen: Before Lester's post and just afterJustin and Callum walked off after the Captain, leaving Lester to fixthe problem with the P.E.N.I.S, or MIPMaP or whatever they called itin the universe this ship came from.Justin tugged on his Department head's dirty uniform. "We're going fordinner with the Captain of a starship, isn't that exciting!"Callum shrugged, although he didn't do it all that often. Justin hadno ideas of grandeur, or ever really had any aspirations to be ahighly-ranked officer, so these types of posh social occasions didn'tpresent themselves to him very often. His father was an Admiral andhad always pushed him to be the best that he could be, but Justin wastoo damned lazy. But thoughts were running through his head right nowthat did excite him, like what if he made a good impression? ThisCaptain might recommend to Captain Chrysler that he should bepromoted. Maybe Chrysler would listen to him.Justin realised he had got carried away with these thoughts and hadn'tbeen paying attention to where Captain Phelps had been leading him.They were now in a very posh dining hall with a very long tableadorned with bouquets of flowers, ornate candlesticks, and pristinewhite napkins. The sound of 'Handel's water music' played gently inthe background. The officers from this Blue Dwarf nodded to him in greeting It was allvery formal and Justin didn't really know what to do. He just wavedhis hand and said "Y'alright?"A nicely dressed waiter showed him to his place, he was about to sitdown and then realised there were no chairs. This was really odd, hethought. Maybe this universe hadn't invented the chair yet? Or maybeit was rude to eat while sat down?The extremely well-dressed Captain Phelps did a brief toast to them,and referred to them as their "honoured guests". Justin looked aroundall embarrassed, but he loved it really. Justin looked at the spread of cutlery on the table. There seemed tobe several spoons on either side of his plate. They were all slightlydifferent sizes and he had no idea which to use first.He stood only a few places away from the Captain, and noticed that theCaptain's food came before anyone else. It was some unrecognisabledish that the waiter said was "Chicken"."'Scuse me Captain ...um... Phelps... but, is this really Chicken?""Yes of course dear fellow.""Then why is it all mashed up like this? I mean it's probably reallytaste and that, but... well, it's all pasty. It's like baby food.""Well my dear fellow!" Captain Phelps chuckled. "You wouldn't wantyour food to have lumps in it would you?"Justin paused in confusion as he didn't know how to answer that."Um.... well I don't really mind lumps actually.""You don't mind lumps in your food?" Captain Phelps repeated with shock."Well yeah... I just chew them."Captain Phelps blinked in shock and said really loudly to everyoneelse. "Everyone, Justin just told me that he chews his food!"The entire table chuckled in amusement. Next to him Callum poked himin the ribs. "I don't get it.""What's wrong with chewing food?" Justin asked. Again the entire tablelaughed.The Captain wiped his eyes. "Well... my dear chap. I'm just not surehow one goes about chewing their food. And eating lumpy food? Itsounds a little bit painful to me!""No... not really." Justin looked around, he realised now thateveryone was looking at him.By this time, everyones food had been brought. The Captain started toeat first.Justin watched as he unbuckled his belt. Then he dropped hos trousers.Then he turned around. Then he bent over. By this point Justin's jawwas dropped with shock at what he was seeing. He wanted to squeeze hiseyes shut at the sight of Captain Phelp's shiny red bottom, but wascurious at what was coming next. Then he realised he should have shut his eyes.Captain Phelps took a spoon and spooned the mushy chicken into hisbumhole."Oh gross!" Called out Justin Pancake far too loud.Phelps plucked the empty spoon from his crevice and turned around. "Isthere a problem Mr Pancake?"Justin tugged at his collor. "Um... well... yes. I just watched youinsert some chicken into your anus, that's what the problem is!""Mr Pancake. I am merely eating! As are all the people at this table!"He pointed around and now everyone had bent over and had startedspooning chicken into their rectums. Justin almost gagged. Especiallywhen he turned to Callum and realised he was doing exactly the same thing."Lieutenant Kochanski!" Justin said. Callum caught his glance and looked embarrassed. "Hey. When inRome...." he said in his defence."This is disgusting!" Justin said. "If this is disgusting, please do show us how you eat then." SaidCaptain Phelps."Alright then I will!" Justin said, and spooned the chicken into hismouth. He chewed on it and swallowed."Oh my god!" Cried the Captain in disgust. A woman screamed, andseveral people started vomiting on themselves. "That is disgusting,leave this table immediately!" The Captain ordered. And so Justin andCallum left the table and walked out of the room. Just in time as thechampagne was just about to be served, and Justin didn't want to seehow that was drunk.Outside the Captain's private function room, Justin and Callum met upwith Lester, who was still wearing a ridiculous EVA suit."Don't ask." Said Justin."I've fixed the P.E.N.I.S on this ship, we'd better leave becauseit'll start migrating back to it's own dimension soon."They walked to their Starbug in the shuttlebay and headed towards thenext Blue Dwarf. Who knows what would be waiting for them there?<Tag to Lester or Calum, or anyone else!> Find great deals on eBay Net yourself a bargain