Pancake tries to kill everyone again

Who: Lester, Justin and Callum Kochanski
Where: Latest Blue Dwarf
When: Far too long into the process
"Ach, I knew this would happen," CK said and crossed the room to the
small arms cabinet, "bastard Star Trek episode. Right, we go out, we
find a Justin with a dodgy beard and we make him eat bazookoid until
he stops twitching. Got it?"
"Urm... yes?" Lester sagged under the weight of the bazookoid CK threw
at him.
"And if ye happen to "accidentally" (CK used actual airquotes) shoot
the real Justin in the head, then I'll write it up as industrial
accident."
They walked back into the main cockpit of the Blue Midget, where
Justin Pancake was pacing the floor furiously. He faced them head on,
his brow was wet with sweat. "Look guys. I know what you're probably
thinking, I know you think it's me. But it's not. There's a duplicate
of me, out there trying to kill us. Maybe even several. They all have
my passwords so could have been able to log into the system and frame me."
CK and Lester looked at each other then nodded. "That's okay Justin.
But just to be sure, the next Blue Dwarf we lend on we're taking
Bazukoids just in case you're twins decide to turn up."
Justin sighed in relief. "Thanks guys, I knew you'd understand."
"But-" Callum pointed a finger in his face. "-I don't trust you. I
barely even know you. If it turns out that you're smegging with us
then I'll take this Bazukoid and ram it so far down your throat that I
can shoot through your ass." Callum paused as he got a mental picture
of that, then nodded as if he was satisfied with it.
Lester shook his head and looked towards the navi-computer. "We're
docking with Blue Dwarf 388. Lets get this over with."
Callum held his bazookoid tight and opened the door.
* * *
This Blue Dwarf looked like the rest, although the first crewmember
they saw took them by surprise. It was Captain Jay Chrysler, but minus
any arms or legs. He seemed happy enough though, and wobbled along on
the bottom of his torso.
Callum explained what they had come for and the Captain let them board
the ship. They headed straight for the corridor where the P.E.N.I.S was.
As they walked, Justin thumbed the controls on his Psi-scanner. He
wanted to check for lifesigns, just to make sure they weren't taken by
surprise. Then he looked up and noticed something on the wall. It was
scribbled like graffiti. "Corridor of infinite perversions." Then
there was an arrow pointing in the direction they were going.
"Guys. Wait!" He called out.
"What is it?" Asked Lester, stopping to turn around. So did Callum.
Justin paused, and as he did so the door behind him closed quickly. As
did the door at the other end of the corridor.
They were trapped.
"What happened?"
"We're trapped!" Said Lester.
Justin moved his eyes left and right in fright. "Oh my god."
Callum walked over and pushed Justin in the shoulder. "Look what you
did now. You've got us trapped!"
"I didn't do it! I didn't do anything!"
"Yes you did!" Said Callum. "you told us to stop. If we didn't, we'd
have walked out of here before the doors closed."
"That's not my fault!"
"Yes it is!" Callum said. "I bet you planned for this all along.
You're trying to kill us. What's going to happen next? Will gas come
out of these vents?"
Just as he said that, gas started coming out of the vents. "Bastard!"
Said Callum. Then he punched Justin in the shoulder again. "So why are
you trying to kill us? What have we done to you?"
"I'm not! I've never been here before, how could I even set up this trap?"
Lester nodded. "He's got a point. It must be someone else."
Callum looked down at the Psi-scanner in Justin's hand. "He could have
done it with that Psi-scanner. He could have tapped into the ship's
door system."
"I was just scanning for life-forms... look!" Justin offered the
scanner to Lester, who looked at the screen then rolled his eyes.
"Justin... you're not making it easy for us to believe you. It's got
the corridor door settings on the screen."
"What?"
Callum took the scanner and looked at it. Then he shook his head and
gave Lester the bazukoid to hold. "Keep pointing it at him. I'll try
and use this to get us out of here."
He jabbed a few buttons. "Dammit, we're locked out. Permissions have
been changed by... guess who... Justin Smegging Pancake."
"It wasn't me! I don't want us to die. Why would I risk killing myself
too?"
"Maybe you're just a sick smegger?" Callum said. He kicked the door
and coughed as the gas tickled the back of his threat. There was
nowhere that the noxious gas couldn't reach now and the air was
getting thick with it. "We're going to die and it's your fault!"
Justin sat down in the corner of the room and sulked.
<tag – how do we get out of a blocked corridor of toxic gas?>

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