Lester + Seymour "Two Seymours meet"

OOC - I'm posting this on behalf of Lester who sent it to me for a JP
on riday. I haven't had time yet to add anything onto it but thought
I better post it now and then I'll write my bit later on in the week.
Good post tho J!
<snip>
I'm glad I found you eventually Mr Niples." Said the man. "Did you
know that there's someone on this planet pretending to be you?"
"Really?" Seymour said.
"Yes. We almost killed him instead of you Mr Niples."
That's AMBASSADOR Nip- hold on, who are you?"
"I'm an assassin sent by TransMed Pharmacuticals. They don't like the
negative press you're creating about them."
"Oh…" Said Seymour. He tried to run but the assassin had already got
out his long needle-like knife. He was ready to plunge it into
Seymour's chest when someone struck the assassin from behind…
</snip>
It was an odd reaction to being hit; the assassin's head rolled back
and his teeth gnashed while he foamed at the mouth. Finally there was
an unfortunate squirting noise from the assassin's hindquarters and
he collapsed with what sounded like a contended sigh.
Lester lowered his metal hand on which some exposed circuits were
still glowing, then he whistled: "that was sooo cool, even better
than Mr. Spock! D-do it again!" Lester sighed, "not right now," he
said to himself, his eyes on Seymour. "Ambassador Niples, I'm here in
response to your advert."
"Not that I'm not grateful or anything, but: who the smeg are you?"
"Well right now, I'm Ambassador Niples," Lester said lightly. He
fished in a pocket, produced his passport and handed it over.
"What the smeg? I don't understand! Are you from another Universe?"
"I'm an agent from a secret operative. You are? I am. Excuse me,"
Lester went on, "I've been sent by her Majesty, Queen Brittany, to
protect you. I suppose that's true. It is true."
Seymour looked cautiously at this man who occasionally talked to
himself in a different voice. "How do I know the Queen sent you? You
could be another assassin."
Lester thought about this for a moment, then: "would it help if I
told you about her interesting and discrete birthmark?"
"Good God you do know the Queen, or at least, you've known her. Oh
good grief..." Seymour scowled at the thought of the Queen having yet
another liaison with some random... "Hang on, there's photographs of
that birthmark all over the 'net!"
"OK, good try," Lester said, "let's just say that I've saved your
life and been shot at becuase people thought I was you."
"How did you find me?"
"I followed the paper trail," Lester indicated the posters Seymour
had been putting up, "actually I followed the assassin following the
paper trail. Maybe I should come clean?"
"Not here though," Seymour said, "I know a good bar."
Some time later they sat in the shadows of a booth, nursing drinks
that Lester had bought them both. This had seemed really generous to
Seymour as Lester opened a tab, then it became apparent that the name
on the card Lester handed over was Seymour's. When the bartender came
to try the card, he'd find it declined, but in the mean time he would
serve this odd couple with drinks.
"So you've been impersonating me, why? And why don't I go to the
police?"
"For a start," Lester said over his beer, "you're now better off than
when I took the money. We had a good run at the casino," he put the
drink down again, "also I'm about the only person on this planet
willing to look after you for free. We can't look after him! We can
barely look after ourselves! Not now."
"Why do you keep doing that? Have you missed some sort of medication?"
"Not exactly. He's an artificial personality, grafted over mine some
time ago. It's a way of making people disappear. The fake you lives
your life, but to a set parameter, a prison without bars. The real
me, must have slept. Then a friend of mine shot me and that helped
reawaken the old me. Well bits of the old me. Anyway, this isn't
important. Why don't you tell me your side of the story, tell me
about this army."
To be continued...