Seymour + Lester "Start of an adventure"

Who: Seymour and Lester
Where: Planet New Tenerife, in a bar
When: After Lester saved Seymour
<snip>
I'm about the only person on this planet willing to look after you
for free. We can't look after him! We can barely look after
ourselves! Not now."
"Why do you keep doing that? Have you missed some sort of medication?"
"Not exactly. He's an artificial personality, grafted over mine some
time ago. It's a way of making people disappear. The fake you lives
your life, but to a set parameter, a prison without bars. The real
me, must have slept. Then a friend of mine shot me and that helped
reawaken the old me. Well bits of the old me. Anyway, this isn't
important. Why don't you tell me your side of the story, tell me
about this army."
<end snip>
"Well to be honest I'm very disappointed in people. My baby daughter
has been kidnapped by an evil company who are going to probably do
all sorts of weird tests on her, and nobody is interested in helping
me."
"Maybe it's because it's you?" Lester said. Then after realising what
he'd said, quickly blamed his other personality. He then asked
Seymour another question to distract him. "So what sort of tests are
they doing on your baby. Like... A-Levels? GCSE's?"
"No!" Seymour shouted. "Like probably stabbing her with needles,
taking blood and skin samples, maybe even putting her through a wind
tunnel to check her aerodynamics for all I know!"
"Erm. Why would they do that?"
"She's an alien. Well.... part alien."
"You had sex with an alien?!" Lester said. He didn't know to be
freaked out, or to do a high-five. He paused for a moment then
said. "Was she hot?"
Seymour rolled his eyes. "She was very nice yes."
"Does she have like, loads of tentacles or something?"
"No! She looks like a Human. I didn't even know she was an alien."
"Do the tentacles wrap around you when you're having sex, and like
crawl under your skin?"
Seymour remained quiet as Lester continued.
"...and then... and then she drools all this green lubricant all over
you from and forces one of her nine mammaries up your nose?"
Seymour remained quiet as Lester continued.
"...and then, does she mind meld with you and fill your mind of dirty
things..."
"None of those things!" Seymour said. "Will you please cease this
filthy erotic fantasy you seem to be having. We need to talk about
our plan of action."
"Plan?"
"The plan to infiltrate TransMed Pharmaceuticals Corporation and
rescue my daughter."
"Oh yeah sure. Where is the rest of the army?"
Seymour tugged on his shirt collar. "This... this is it." He pointed
to them both.
"What! I thought you might have some of the Queen's Royal Guards or
something."
Seymour shook his head.
They bought another beer and Seymour got out a map of the TransMed
Pharmacuticals Building on New New New Zealand.
"Here's what we do-" Seymour was about to explain the plan when the
sound of "Rule Britannia" filled the airwaves around them. Lester
looked around curiously. Seymour apologised and answered his phone.
Seymour answered the phone, it was Queen Brittany screaming. After
saying almost no words at all, Seymour hung up and necked his glass
of 2069 Cabernet. "The Queen's in trouble. It looks like those
assassins are back, and attacking her palace with a large gunship.
They're looking for me, no thanks to you."
"What did I do?" Said Lester. "If anything I distracted them by
pretending to BE you!"
"You drew attention to yourself. I travelled here secretly, in an
anonymous space-taxi. Nobody knew I was coming."
"Yeah but then you went and put posters all around the town with your
name on!" Lester shot back.
Seymour grumbled. "Enough! We need to go save Queen Brittany, it's
both our faults." He pointed in the direction of the spaceport. "We
might be able to find 'borrow' a ship from there."
------------------------------------------
At the Queen's palace, the roaring of a hovership's engines filled
the air. Brittany peered out of the main doorway and caught a sight
of the craft. It was a shiny black gunship, hovering no more than 12
meters off the ground. She could feel the wind coming from it's
turbine engines, blowing her hair over her face.
The gunship fired a salvo of missiles, it exploded one of the roller
coasters she had in her modest back garden. A car of people flew up
into the air, their limbs flailing as they fell into the sea. They
were Brittany's toyboy floozies. She didn't care too much about them,
but it was shocking to see how much devastation this gunship could
create.
"WE DEMAND THAT YOU GIVE UP SEYMOUR NIPPLES!" Came from a loudspeaker
on the ship. Brittany wanted more than anything to shout back that he
wasn't here, but the roaring of the engines was too much.
She spotted the summerhouse, it was a small stone building at the far
side of the beautifully green mowed lawn. A few of her bodyguards
were taking refuse there, poking their guns out of the small windows,
firing at the gunship. She knew that if she ran she would make it.
Her legs moved faster than ever before as she sprinted towards the
distant building. She didn't do much exercise, well... only of the
horizontal variety.
She stopped as a whooshing sound passed over her head, and the
summerhouse exploded. She ran back to the house and got her mobile
phone out of her tight denim skirt pocket. "Seymour! Where the hell
are you?!"