Seymour - "Protecting the Queen"Posted by
Posted: May 31, 2010, 8:57am
Who: Ambassador Seymour Niples
Where: Police Station, Mollopod
When: After the commonwealth games was interrupted
Seymour clutched in his hand the warning note that had caused him to come here. The message was made up of letters cut out from different magazines and newspapers. "The Queen is in danger" it said.
He showed it to the Mollopod police officer on the front desk, who read the message carefully, and then said "And?"
"What do you mean 'And'?!" Seymour screamed at them. "This means the Queen is in danger. MY Queen. YOUR Queen, OUR QUEEN!!"
The Mollopod police officer sighed and rubbed his sweaty face with a clammy hand. "Ever since we took your Queen as our Queen we get threats all of the time." The slug explained. "Not all Mollopods like the idea of having a Human as a Queen. Some people are still having a hard time accepting Humans as our friends, and not our food."
"And what do you think?" Seymour asked him.
The police officer looked uncomfortable. "Well, like a lot of people I do miss eating Humans. There's nothing better than a good Human burger, made of the finest fillet of thigh or breast."
Seymour clutched his hands to his chest. "I hope you're not thinking about eating me?"
"Only a little bit." admitted the policeman. But you're wearing some kind of deodorant which makes you smell weird."
"I'll have you know that's the finest French cologne!" Seymour said. "It's very expensive!"
"Oh." Said the Policeman. "I'd have preferred Pesto, or possibly miny sauce."
"Stop thinking about eating me!" Seymour shouted, and slammed his hands down on the counter. "The Queen is in danger, and I need you to help me. And by 'help', I don't mean imagine her served with roasted peppers and tartar sauce."
The policeman sighed and ordered his three finest officers to follow Seymour.
Who: Seymour and three Mollopod Policemen
Where: Queen Brittany's palace, Mollopod
When: Short time later
Because the Mollopods were fat and lazy (including the police force) they relied on teleportation to travel everywhere.
The small team materialised in the hotel room of Queen Brittany, to see Brittany stood with her back to the wall, and a man standing across the room ready to throw a knife at her.
"Quick!" Shouted Seymour. "Shoot that man!"
The Mollopod policemen quickly turned their pistols on the man with the knife and fired. He exploded and made a mess of the carpet.
Seymour let out a sigh of relief. "Ma'am, it looks like we arrived here right on time. You're safe now."
"Seymour!! That was a magician! He was just showing me a trick."
All of the policemen in the room bit their lips, realising they had made a mistake. But Seymour was still adamant she was in danger. "A trick where he killed you? Ma'am, I wouldn't be too careful you know. He might have been a mercenary posing as a magician, here to kill you."
Brittany flailed her arms around. "Seymour, why are you here? I wasn't in any danger!"
"I beg to differ ma'am." Said Seymour and showed her the note. "I received this note which says you are."
She took the note and tore it up. "Seymour I'm fine. This is probably from some maniac fan. I get lots of maniac fans you know."
"Well if you'd stop posing nude for magazines...."
Brittany pulled a face and pointed to the door. "Out. All of you. Leave me alone."
"Yes ma'am." Said Seymour. "But we'll be outside the door, protecting you all hours of the day and night."
Who: Seymour and the security guards
Where: Guarding Queen Brittany's palace
When: An hour later
One of the Mollopod's stomachs started to rumble, causing him to start fidgeting.
"Is there a problem?" Seymour asked.
"Yes.. .well... I'm hungry." The Mollopod said.
"Me too." Said another. "I want to go home."
"No!" Shouted Seymour. "Nobody's going home, the Queen, YOUR Queen is in danger!"
"She looks fine to me." Said the other Mollopod.
"I'm really hungry though." Said the first Mollopod.
"I know where you could get a tasty little snack." Said the last Mollopod.
He pointed with his thumb to Queen Brittany's room. They all laughed apart from Seymour.
"Yeah, there' s a lot of breast fillet on that!" They all laughed again.
"I'd like to taste those thighs!" Said another Mollopod. "I bet they're tasty!"
Seymour went red with anger. "STOP TALKING ABOUT EATING THE QUEEN!" he shouted.
"We're just hungry." The Mollopods said.
"Alright go, go home." Seymour said. I'll get some Security Officers from the Blue Dwarf.
Several hours later, Jayne Chrysler and Edward Monsoon from the Blue Dwarf materialised.
"Woah, that Mollopod transporter is pretty weird!" Said Jayne. Behind her, Edward Monsoon vomited.
"Sorry." He said. "teleportation doesn't agree with me."
After standing guard for several hours, Seymour decided to leave and find a snack for himself. As he came back to the Palace rubbing his full stomach, he heard a scream from the Queen's window. Seymour ran as fast as he could in his expensive Italian loafers back to where Jayne was slamming herself up against the door.
"What happened?" Seymour demanded.
"It's Monsoon." Jayne said. "He's gone inside and locked the door. Then I heard the Queen screaming."
Jayne hit the door again with her shoulder, trying to break it, but the solid wooden door wouldn't budge. "You try." Jayne said.
"In this suit? No chance." Said Seymour.
<Tag to Jayne, or can Rosette and Rufus or Justin help?>