Re: [JMC_Blue_Dwarf] Re: Still After D.I.C.C

"Right well..." Vanessa said sitting up from the microscope.
"Well what?" Seymour snapped "Spit it out woman!"
Vanessa walked around from behind the desk, and leant back against it to address the crowd that consisted of Seymour, Queen Brittany, Jayne (and uncomfortably) Rosette and Rufus. The body of Edward Monsoon lay on a bed behind her, in a  ward in the Mollopod hospital where the Blue Dwarf medical crew had temporarily set up base to deal with any Blue Dwarf medical issues following the ships evacuation.
"He's not human. Well, not quite"
"What do you mean 'not quite'" Jayne asked, "You mean like a clone, like me?"
"Possibly..." Vanessa said "Well...not like you, he's most definitely not a perfect artificial human in the same way you's possible there's not even anything artificial about him.."

"So what are you saying exactly?" Rosette asked snappily, as she squeezed tight on Rufus' hand as if to make a point in front of his ex.
"Well, it's like this....whatever changes, if any, have been done to Eddie are so well hidden that it was impossible for us to tell that he was anything but human using our normal scans. Eddie had a medical not two days ago, and nothing untoward was reported. In fact, the scans we did today, showed exactly the same results...only of course, now he's dead.."
Vanessa picked up a test tube and shook it, peering into with one eye, the other one closed. "It's only when we see his blood that we notice anything unusual."
"Well we could have told you that! It's green!" Seymour blurted 
"Well yes, but that's kind of the point, it's the only sign anything's wrong..."
"You didn't do blood tests in his medical?" Brittany asked.
"It's been decades since blood was actually taken in medical tests!" Vanessa replied "It's all done with scanners these days!"
"So why didn't the scans pick anything up then?"
"That's just it, like I said, the 'changes' were too well hidden. Only a high-level scan with near-lethal doses of theta radiation showed up anything different about his DNA, so without actually seeing the green blood we'd have had no reason to look that closely..."
"So whu-what..." Rufus stuttered "Ha..has Mon.monsoon buh-been replaced by a hymie cuh-clone?"
"We can't tell...for all we know Eddies been a Hymenoptera agent all along....and we have no way of knowing whether the same can be said of anyone else on the crew either..."
<Tag smandy you know where this is going better than I do!>

From: Onion
Sent: Tuesday, June 08, 2010 9:23 PM
Subject: [JMC_Blue_Dwarf] Re: Still After D.I.C.C
<snip>"Green blood?" Jayne said as Monsoon continued."He's a bug." was all Rosette needed to say, before pulling the trigger on her rifle..."We need to get this body to Keto.... He'll be able to make sure." She said, as the two more squeemish men entered the room...<end snip>Who: Rosette, Rufus, Seymour, Jayne and Queen BrittanyWhere: Queen's bedroom, Mollopod planetWhen: After Monsoon was killed"Oh dear god!" Seymour shouted and clasped the palms of his hands to his cheeks. He stood staring at the sight of the dead body of Eddie Monsoon on the floor, green blood pouring out of his head. "That is just revolting!" He said."Yes." Said the Queen. "And it's staining my carpet. Can you take him away please?" "Very good idea ma'am." Seymour agreed, and glared at Jayne. "What?" She shot back."Well as the senior Security Officer here, I think you should take care of this.""And I will!" She shot back, hating Seymour's condescending attitude and unjustified authority.She took out here phone and called the ship. A few seconds later she slapped her hand on her forehead. "Smeg. Of course, the ship's communication is down!"Seymour shifted his accusing look to Rufus. "I thought you were going to fix it?""I-I-I am!" Rufus said. "I came h-h-here to get some D.I.C.C." "That's no excuse!" Seymour scolded. Rosette moved close and held Rufus' hand. "Don't worry hun, nobody's forcing you to get any D.I.C.C now.""Okay okay!" Rufus said. "I'll just get a small D.I.C.C, it shouldn't be too hard to find." Nobody said anything else on the matter. "Okay lets get this body back to the Starbug." Jayne grabbed Eddie's legs and asked Seymour to get his arms. "Absolutely not!" Seymour shouted. "Why do I get the bleeding end? I don't want filthy Hymenoptera blood on me!" He looked at Rosette. "No offence." he said. Rosette didn't say anything, but folded her arms."Fine. I'll get his arms, you get his legs."Seymour complained, but did as he was told. They picked up the body and started dragging it out of the room. "So... is he a Hymenoptera?" Rosette asked, watching as the thick green blood leaked out of him. "It's h-h-hard to say without the proper s-s-scientific t-t-tools." Rufus said. "But do you r-r-remember Captain J-J-Jed Calvert? We didn't know HE was half Hymenoptera until someone shot him and made him bleed. He had g-g-green blood."Seymour dropped his end, letting the extra weight almost pull Jayne to the floor. "Of course!" Said Seymour. "Captain Calvert was an Alcoholic, and he drank to keep the Hymenoptera side of him from taking over. Alcohol is deadly to the Hymenoptera, and Eddie was Irish – so is clearly an alcoholic too!""That's very racist." Said Rosette.Seymour's eyes went narrow and he looked at Rosette suspiciously. "Whatever happened to your Hymenoptera side? You turned into a full were-hymie! But then suddenly you're back to normal with no explanation?"The Queen radiately stepped away from Rosette. "What? Is this true? Are you a Hymenoptera too?""No of course not!" Rosette laughed. "And I prefer the term 'Hymenthrope'." She said. "So you could turn back into one at any time?" Brittany said again, bending over slowly to pick up the axe which Eddie had attacked her with. "W-W-Wait!" Said Rufus, and tried to pull the axe off her. "She's not evil!" "Let go of me!" cried the Queen. "I need to defend myself against her in case she goes mental like that other nobhead did.""She's not mental!" Rufus said, still battling to take the axe from her. But Brittany had a good grip on it. "You two stop it!" Shouted Jayne, who had picked up the body but now dropped it again. "Rosette doest have to prove anything. She's a member of the Blue Dwarf security force now, she's already proven she's useful. Now PUT THE AXE DOWN!"Brittany pulled hard on the axe and it came loose in Rufus' hands. Brittany held it firmly in her grip. Feeling the weapon gave her an idea. "Lets cut her and see what colour is it! I want to see her green blood!""NO!" Shouted Jayne, but Rosette calmly stepped forward. "Okay, okay!" She said, and everyone looked at her. "Give me the axe." After a few moments of hesitation, Brittany slowly handed the axe over to Rosette. Rosette took the weapon and drew it across her arm, causing everyone to cringe. Seymour fainted on the corpse. A line of blood dribbled to the surface. Red blood, as normal as from any human. The blood ran down her arm and dripped to the floor, before Rufus handed her a tissue to press against it. "See?" She said. "Normal red blood."Without another word, they picked up the corpse and took it out of the room. They decided to take it to one of Mollopod's teleportation pads after a passer-by saw them dragging a dead body and instantly vomited.They laid the body of Edward Monsoon on the transporter pad, and Rufus started pressing buttons on the control interface. "I can't use this. It's written in Mollopese." He said. Everyone looked at Queen Brittany. "What?""You've lived here for over a year." Jayne said. "You must have learned some of their language?" "Only the words for types of alcohol." Brittany grinned. Rufus shrugged and pressed some buttons. The body disappeared. "So where's it gone?" Jayne asked.Rufus shrugged.<Tag to anyone really, where has the body gone? Can you think of anywhere funny for it to turn up? If not just continue as normal! Maybe someone else is going to try attacking the Queen?>

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