Seymour - "Can't sleep with all this bonking"

<snip>
"Holly.." Jay said "Tell Seymour I'm gonna want my quarters back….."
"Which quarters shall I assign him to?" holly asked.
"Well…he's an unemployed civilian stowing away on my ship now…but we can't put
him out on the promenade…..assign him to share a room……with Mini-Phil…"
<end snip>
Who: Seymour
Where: Mini-Phil's quarters
When: Middle of the night, several days later
Seymour woke up as he heard some weird grunting sound. Immediately he had a
panic as he didn't know where he was, the room was dark, and didn't smell like
calming lavender and rose petals like his bedroom usually did. Instead it
smelled like sweat and ... sex.
Seymour wrinkled up his nose as he realised where he was. This was Mini-Phil's
quarters, which explained why the bunk he was sleeping in was far too small for
him.
He put his head back into his pillow and tried to go to sleep, but the weird
grunting sound continued. "I can't sleep with this going on!" He said to
himself, and sat upright in the bed. As his eyes became accustomed to the
darkness he could make out the shape of something moving across the room.
"I say.... Mister Febuggure?" He asked, although knowing full-well that
Mini-Phil didn't answer to that name. "Mister... Mini-Febuggure?" Seymour said
again. But there was no answer.
"Oh for god's sake!" Seymour said and swung his legs out of the bunk and lowered
himself to the floor.
He fumbled for the lightswitch, taking him closer to the grunting shape in the
darkness. "Mr Mini-Febuggure, if this is a joke I assure you I don't find it
funny!" He said. "I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow collecting references
for my CV."
He found the lightswitch eventually and turned back to the shape, which turned
out to be a naked Mini-Phil shamelessly rutting a stool.
"Oh my God!" Seymour shouted.
Mini-Phil stopped thrusting his miniature pelvis at the furniture and turned to
Seymour. "EEEEeeeeeEEEEEeeee!" he said in surprise.
Seymour covered up his eyes at the horrific site. "Please Mini-Phil, this has to
stop! Last night it was the lamp, the night before it was the dishwasher..." He
opened his eyes again, only to close them again as he saw that Mini-Phil had
resumed bonking the stool.
"I sat on that yesterday!" Seymour screamed. Then he looked around. "Is
everything in here your sexual plaything?"
Mini-Phil looked at him and grinned.
"Oh my god." Said Seymour, stepping backwards. "I'm next aren't I?"
He took a deep breath. "How long before I wake up in the middle of the night and
you're bonking my leg or... my face?"
Mini-Phil laughed, and then started thrusting harder at the stool.
Seymour grabbed the blanket and the pillow from his bed, wrapped it around him
and then walked out of the quarters, grumbling "I'll find somewhere else to
sleep! Luckily I'm not going to be on this disgusting ship much longer, I'm sure
I'll be a Captain of a battlecruiser soon!"
<Tag – does someone want to give Seymour a place to sleep? Or perhaps they'll
find him asleep in their doorway>