Back with a Bang

As his circuits came back on-line, Bedge's eyes were filled with static. Coupled with the already loud buzzing noise inside his head, it was already starting to annoy him. If he'd have been able, the pain he was in would have driven him violently, murderously spree-killing-with-a-flamethrower angry. But since a twit of a mechanic with an outrageous Spanish accent had reprogrammed him sometime ago, all it made him want to do now was to make himself a mug of warm mineral oil, enjoy a nice, hot diesel bath and put his feet up to an episode of Gardner's World.

With a tremendous effort that pushed his hydraulic legs to breaking point, he managed to stand. He looked around and took in his surroundings - he had no idea how he'd got there, but if his bionic eyes were to be believed, he was in a store room. Around him was a multitude of shelves containing all manner of equipment. Moving about the room, looking for anything that might give him a clue to where he was, he came to the conclusion that he was in space, as the gravity forces felt just a little lighter than Earth standard. His motion detectors also alerted him to the fact that he was either on a space station or a stationary starship, as he could feel no engine vibration or the subtle fluctuations that indicated the presence of movement through space.

Deciding that it was best to keep on the move until he could figure if he was a prisoner or amongst hostile life forms - which suited him perfectly, as if they were non-Human it meant he could have a bit of fun. Shuffling around the room for a few more minutes, he was able to find some tools that might be useful should he have to engage his combat circuits - a handful of sharp and rather rusty looking knives, a laser probe and a spool of wire that would make a nice garrotte wire. With his new arsenal secreted about his body, he made his way towards the exit, stopping only to pick up a new pair of washing up gloves. As much as he expected some danger, he also knew his cleaning supplies back on Blue Dwarf were running low and he might not have another chance to acquire some new ones for a long time.

The corridor outside was deserted, and following the distant sound of voices, he found himself on a bustling promenade. It was clear now that he was on some sort of space station - gathering from the vast amount of people, mutants and mechanoids around him, it was quite a melting pot of different cultures and a smelly, burly looking Simulant should be able to go unnoticed. He figured that he'd find nothing useful on the station and decided his best bet would be head back to Blue Dwarf. The ship's unique energy signature should be easily traceable from any starship with the right equipment. He stopped briefly to wonder why he should make his way back to the blue monolith of a spaceship. If they were willing enough to abandon him, why did he owe them anything to return? He could go to ground here, get himself some work as a bounty hunter or mercenary and even have his control protocols removed and regain his ability to hurt and kill Humans. He finally decided that there was a particularly smelly patch of mould in one of the shower units on J-Deck and that he'd never forgive himself if he didn't use his tactical cunning and deftness with a anti-bacterial spray to deal with it.

Moving out of the promenade and down to the docking bays, he spied a group of people, all advertising vessels for hire. Some of them had the look of rough-and-tumble, burly astros who'd diced with death on a daily basis and still found time for a cup of tea and a slice of cake between shooting alien monsters and making love to green skinned princesses. However, most of them were clearly awkward youths who'd spent too much time watching 'Star Wars' films and had decided that emulating Han Solo was the best way to impress girls. They all seemed to congregate together, awkwardly puffing on cigars they clearly had no taste for and swishing back exotic alcoholic beverages they weren't used to. Bedge decided it'd be best to seek a more experienced freelancer for what he needed.

Bedge approached the green skinned man in the dark shades, who was propped up against a bulkhead with a look of complete disinterest on his face. The man eyed him up and down and went back to enthusiastically sucking on the cigarillo in his mouth.

"Excuse me, sir" said Bedge "may I enquire if you have a ship for hire?"

"And what if I do, beardy?" snarled the man, stubbing out his cigarillo on the ground and lighting a fresh one.

"Well, sir, I would like to know if you'd be willing to give me passage. I'm afraid I can't pay you anything in the monetary sense, but I can offer my services as a deckhand to work off my passage. I'm a combat model and can be quite useful in a volatile situation."

"Look, hombre, my ship is the best and fastest in the whole sector. If I needed a seven foot gorilla droid who smelt like a bag of garbage, I'd ask your mother. Now get lost."

Bedge turned away from the man, realising that he would be no help. He'd walked away before an idea formed in his head. He turned around and approached the man again.

"What now, beardy?" inquired the green stranger.

"Sorry to disturb you, but I was wondering - are you Human? Or at least, part Human?" said Bedge, innocently.

"What's it to you if I'm not? I'm pure, one-hundred percent Zark-"

The punch lifted the green stranger clean off his feet and across the room. Bedge wiped the blood from his hydraulic knuckle, smiled and drew a knife from his belt. He was going to get that ship and have a bit of fun, too.