Nipple-sized pastry cutters, Gonad electrocution Kits and Easy-list
Who: Good Jay, Good Vanessa, Tara, L'ontar + any others who happen to be in the
cell who I forgot
Where: The cell abord Red Dwarf
When: Do I look like i care? ;)
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Landing with a thud then watching himself depart L'ontar shook his head. Then turned to introduce himself to his cell mates.
----
OH GOD! Jay I'm sorry...It's just you tried to kill me.."
"Yeh..i tried to kill me too!"
Jay helped her to her feet.
"So...when do they bring the room service, can you order cocktails?." Jay shuddered..
-------------------- "Hi im L'ontar" L'ontar stated
"I'm Tara" said Tara "This is Jay, our version of him and this is Vanessa his sister also our version of Vanessa" L'ontar looked slightly confused and Vanessa only stood staring at Taras belly, Tara picked up on L'ontar being confused, "Hey don't worry I was once tortured by an evil version of my boyfriend", L'ontar now looked even more confused
"It takes a while to get used to, but most of Blue Dwarfian life is confusing" said Jay. L'ontar saw the impliments on the wall
"Is that cocktail umbrella what I think it's for*?" He said weekly, Jay nodded solemly
"I think so..." Tara suddenly noticed Vanessa looking at her stomach
"Vanessa are you alright?" she asked
"Your pr.." Tara cut her off befor she finished
"How in smegs name do you kn..." she asked pauseing and turned, Keto staring Jay, in a low whisper she said "You smeghead you promiced not to tell" She grabbed a heavy blunt instrument off the wall and threw it at Jay. He ducked and it missed by milimeters
"Who else have you told you frelling gimp!" Jay backed off to the wall, frightened of the largeish woman advancing toward him
"No one.." "LIAR!" she screamed and jumped on him. She did what Alota had done previously and wrenched back his little finger "Tell me!" she said
"N..n..no one" He wimpered. Tara eeked back his finger
"WHO fish breath!"
"Aaaaalota" he cracked. Tara got off him lost for words and Jay nursed his finger
"How could you Jay... I trusted you not to tell..." Tara went and sat in a corner to be alone and to hate Jay for a while. Just then some really gaudy musak** was played into the room..
<next>
* Page 225 of Backwards states .... faint of heart do not read this especially if you are a bloke...
"Djuhn placed a seris of small boxes on a shelf. 'Contact lenses made of scouring pads... barbed wire dental floss...nipple-sized pastry cutters...' he listed '... forskin clippers... small, metal cocktail umbrella...' 'What's that for?'
'Anything you like, really, though I thought it might come in handy for scraping out the inside of the penis tube.' "
there now you know why Jay is so paranoied about them... heh heh heh... any one want a margareta?... I would use an evil laugh about now but I don't have one as they are all taken....
** The music that is really cheesy played when you are on hold or in a lift or other cofined space where you can't get away from it for VERY long periods of time.