Niples-Queen-Efof "Well there goes"

The Queen Of England
New Ibiza
Brittany-Jennifer Royal walked down the desserted and destroyed main street
of what was once the best clubland in the known galaxy. But now all clubs in
this busy resort were just charred remains, from the gigantic Planet Killer
bugs (which some still lay in the streets, their massive bodies oozing green
thick blood which stunk like 5 day old vomit) and from the explosion which
had quickly spread through the vodka filled plumbing system and ignited all
clubs connected to the system.
The Blue Dwarf crew had been and gone, the Space Core marines had come and
gone. Making nearly as much damage as the Blue Dwarf crew, by blowing up or
shooting anything insect-like, even small spiders as they had missed the
real fun.
“There goes my holiday retreat…” The Queen said sullenly and stood in an
ant’s head and covering her fishnet stockings in green goo.
************
Seymour Niples
On the Blue Dwarf
Time: Not long after Seymour got back from New Ibiza with everyone else.
(OOC- I know it’s a bit late, but I havn’t had chance to post until now!)
Seymour staggered up the step out of the Flight Deck. Someone else had flown
the Space Eagle back to the BD so he’d taken a Starbug. At least he could
fit his belongings in it, but the bag wasn’t his.
His bag was a suitcase.
His bag had wheels.
His bag was ergonomically designed, basically it was perfect.
He’d bought this bag in New Ibiza as he’d bought too many new clothes (after
searching for only the best suit shop that sold only the finest material)
and was having trouble getting it to his quarters. JMC star ship designers
seemed to have an annoying habit of building steps where there didn’t need
to be steps, which was proving very frustrating for him.
A scutter offered him help, it was funny how the little bugger could talk.
He politely refused.
“Are you sure you don’t want any help? You seem to be struggling.”
“I admire your politeness NX463-J4-“ he began reading the scutter’s number.”
“Call me Elwood” The scutter said happily.
“Thank you mr. Elwood, but I have extremely delicate ornaments in here which
I purchased at some very exotic locations and I would like to look after
them myself.” Seymour said towering above the small robot.
“I am programmed not to do damage.” Said Elwood and snatched the luggage
from the bottom, zipping down the corridor with it. He rounded a corner too
fast, and just out of sight Ambassador Niples could hear a smash.
“There goes the ornate glass Piskie statuette that I planned to give to the
Ambassador of Peru for sending me a birthday card…” Said Seymour sullenly.
************
Efof Yuwan’Kar (in Kara’s body)
Kara McGellen’s quarters
Efof looked around him, as he wasn’t in his own body he didn’t have the key
to his own apartment. Only the key to Kara’s. So he had let himself in to
see how his new body normally lived.
He looked around at her collection of ornaments. “I wonder what it is about
humans and their ability to collect so much useless crap…” Efof said to
himself. Then suddenly changed his tune. “Ooh a sparkly thing!!!”
He shook the object, which was a snow globe and watched the sparkles in the
water. When the fascination had run dry he threw the object over his
shoulder , not meaning to be careless but still unaccustomed to the Human
tradition of putting things back where they should go.
Fiddling with as many things as he could, he turned on the TV and continued
to scour the apartment. He walked past the mirror and caught a glimpse of
how he…or rather how Kara looked. He ruffled her crazy strawberry blonde
hair and pulled it into different shapes.
Seeing a shampoo advert on TV he imitated the girl who was running her hands
through her silky hair and pouting. With one hand on his hip copied the
advert through Kara’s voice:
“You can have hair as sexy, sensual and silky as mine!”
He lifted an eyebrow at how sexy the girl in his reflection was.
“hmm…Whats this?” he said excitedly, finding something that looked like a
big red crayon. He started painting his lips with it. “Ooh red!”
A sudden explosion from somewhere on the ship caused his hand to jump,
painting red lipstick up his nose and back around his left cheek.
“Oh poo, I bet that’s Cerebrum blowing that strange alien equipment up, or
maybe just Dean landing a shuttle… Aww, its all over my face now, what’s
this? Hmmmm its face coloured. Blusher? Right I’ll wipe a bit of this on to
cover it up. A bit more. Hmmm…. A little bit more. Just a tad more. Just a
smidgin more…..perfect!”
He looked at his/Kara’s made up face. The volume of make up he’d used
probably made her head bigger.
“Gorgeous!” he said, blowing kisses to himself. But he wasn’t. “I’m actually
starting to turn myself on!” he rubbed his hands all over his own bod.
“I’m too sexy for my shirt….too sexy…lalala…” he heard that ancient song
somewhere.
“Hmm….. he said curiously looking at Kara’s breasts. He started unzipping
her flight uniform. “Humans only have 2 breasts, I suppose it makes sense if
they only have 2 arms, but how do they put bra’s on?”
Fascinated by his own boobs, Efof jumped up and down. They jiggled. “Aww
coool!” he said in delight. And jumped up and down a few times. In amazement
he started to take his clothes off.
“I’m too sexy for my shirt..I’m too….Aaaaaaagh!” He screamed in shock and
embarrassment as a cough behind him made him turn around.
“I’m not looking at my boobs really!” He said to try and cover himself.
But secretly thinking to himself: “Damn, well there goes my chance to see
Kara naked!”
<Who’s interrupting? Please say something before he strips…please!>
*************
Ambassador Niples
In a Corridor
Seymour had dragged the bag all the way to the Captain’s quarters he’d been
living in for almost 2 years. He looked forward to the fresh cream tea he
liked to make for himself, after climbing the stairs for the last few floors
(the lift was broken AGAIN) he could almost smell the tea and scones….
“Hello Ambassador, I moved your things down to your new quarters, I hope you
don’t mind.” Said Wd-40 springing out of apparently nowhere.
“New quarters?” Seymour said in confusion, but before he could say much
else, WD-40’s mechanoid arms were spinning him around and guiding him by the
shoulder to his new quarters.
They took a lift, which seemed to have magically fixed themselves now that
the Ambassador had lugged his heavy things up the stairs.
“Deck 37, Ambassador’s suite.” announced the express lift cheerfully and
muttered to itself.
Seymour stepped out into a massive room, the floor was covered in wooden
panels, there was ornate pine furniture littered around and coffee tables.
Fantastic paintings hung on the walls and plants in pots were scattered
around the perimeter. Seymour could barely just see the far wall, it was so
far away.
“Incredible!” The Ambassador exclaimed. He looked around the wall, doors led
of into other rooms.
“I always thought deck 37 was a storage deck… so which room is mine?”
“The entire floor is your room.” WD-40 said and walked in the lift, “The JMC
must favour Ambassadors, especially royal ones.” The doors closed and
Seymour was alone.
He was lucky to have so much room, but the size was too much- how could he
possibly fill the space? It was like living in a massive void. Seymour
started to feel very alone as he ventured into the other huge rooms.
Thinking of being alone, his thoughts turned to Katrina. His fiancé who he’d
not seen for nearly a year.
********
A short time later
Seymour
Outside Katrina’s door
“its splendid to see you again!” he said to nobody, experimenting with words
he could say to make up for lack of contact with the girl he said he would
marry. “No, too formal. Hmmm…. Katrina honey darling!….no…too friendly for
someone I havn’t seen for so long…..”
Suddenly the door opened and Katrina stepped out. He hadn’t rant the bell so
she must just be on her way to work or the shops.
After spending the last few minutes thinking of what to say, the ambassador
was dumbfounded.
“I’m back” he eventually said.
There was an awkward silence as Katrina looked at him. He looked back.
He held a hand out. Offering flowers.
She took the flowers.
She lifted the flowers over her head and beat him with them. “YOU COULD HAVE
AT LEAST RANG ME ONCE IN A WHILE!” She shouted.
Well there goes the wedding.
<Over to you Katrina>
David "Onion" Ball
Captain Seymour Niples, JMC Blue Dwarf
WWW.BlueDwarf.co.uk
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Londo: "Stop eating that, you don't even know what it is."
G'Kar: "Its called 'rice'."
Londo: "Yes, and if it were that good do you think they'd be throwing it at
each other?"
(Babylon 5)
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