Uh, oh - That\'s no pussy. AIIIEEEEEE! It\'s a rogue Hamster!!!

OOC: Wasn't exactly the start that I had written earlier, but I can
adapt... :)
RPG:
====
Who: Read'em and weep.
Where: In a dark room on a dark ship.
When: After a mug time! ;)
<snip>
The corridor was dark.
Darker than usual in fact, Jay struggled to see in the darkness. He
took off his sunglasses.
Still dark,
CLANG!
"OW!..son of a..." Jay whined grabbing his face in pain after walking
headlong into an open maintenence panel swinging from the wall. "Who
the hell? Man..Zodar's gonna hear from me..smegging engineers leaving
HAZARDS lying around! None of my staff would be so smegging stupid!.
well...except maybe Dean
He caught a glimpse from inside the maintenance hatch, "Hey.." he
muttered "This is the ENV control conduit for this deck...someone's
but the lights on purpose..."
"But of course!" came a voice behind him Jay turned and could just
about make out the sillouhette of a ....something.
"Zo? Canazza?..did you leave this hatch like this?"
The figure just nodded.
"Maybe you wanna close it?"
The figure shook its head as if to say 'no' then pulled out a spanner.
"Fix it..good idea" Jay said, the figure raised the spanner over his
head,
"Wait.."
and swung it down toward Jay, who dived aside "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
DOING?!"
the stranger took another swing, Jay putting his arms up to defend
himself. The spanner came down on Jays forearms with a crushing
blow, "OWOWOW!! STUPID!!" Jay cursed himself, then dropped to the
ground and swept the floor with his legs, tripping his attacker.
"WHO THE SMEG ARE YOU MAN?! You the guy who put phil in the medi-
bay?..you mess with my friends...YOU MESS WITH ME!"
his assailant said nothing in response, just reached up, grabbed Jay
by the throat and pulled him to the ground, the stranger pushing
thier foot into Jay's stomach as he did this, throwing Jay down the
corridor with surprising force, Jay collided with the wall, and began
to get up, his back to his attacker.
Mistake
Jay saw nothing, the corridor was filled with a loud WHACK.
Everything went black....
<snerp>
The dark shadowy form glanced around and giggled to itself slightly
for a moment before leaning down and grabbing the leg of the limp
form of Jay and began dragging it accross the floor towards the open
hatch.
The dark robed form stepped up to the open hatch and pulled out a
small remote and touched a button. The inside of the open hatch
shimmered strangely, revealing that it was not a ENV control conduit
after all, but instead was a short stairway leading upward. The Dark
form continued dragging Jay behind him carelessly like a toy as he
acsended the stairs causing Jay's head to softy "thump, thump" on
each of the stairs on his way up.
The Dark form reached the top of the stairs and entered a small
10x10x10 room, where he dragged Jay's unconsious form over to where
the single light in the room shined blindly against the hard metal
bulkhead wall before pausing to use the small remote again to dismiss
the stairwell/enterance behind him, causing it to shimmer back into
the form of a ENV control conduits wall.
Then the Dark form slowly, almost reverently, pulled out a roll of
grey duct tape from inside his black robes before turning back
towards Jay and unrolling a section of the tape with the
distinctive 'scrit' sound.
Within minutes, Jay was completely bound up in the gray sticky tape,
he almost looked like a silvery gray Egyptian mummy, except that his
face wasn't covered. Just as the dark form was stepping back into the
shadows to admire his work, Jay's eyes drowsily began to open.
"Good, now I may finally begin the dissertation of my revenge." said
the omnimous sounding voice of the Dark form pulling out, again
almost reverently, a small red leather bound journal from withn his
robes, "Now Mr. Nova, I shall..."
"I'm not Nova, you must have me confused with someone else."
interuppted Jay, matter of factly, thinking he might be able to
convice this nutcase to let him go, but he was also worried - that
voice sounded vaguely familar to him. Could maybe some dastardly
figure like future Phil, or an Evil Nutter Harris have suddenly
caught up with him in this alternate universe? The thought itself was
chilling, and he promptly decided he'd better play along a little and
see what he could find out, especially since he needed some more time
to work himself free of his 'bonds'.
"Oh?" Said the dark form pausing for a moment, "Let me consult my
notes, It has been such a long time."
The shadowy form pulled out a little black book from his robes and
consulted it, "Ahh yes, here it is, I merely misremembered your name,
Mr. Chevy Jay - Now getting back to my list..."
"The names Chrysler, JAY CHRYSLER!" Spat the angry Pilot, "Get the
name right!"
"Well, I knew it had something to do with one of those rent-a-wreck
car's and you keep crashing..." Said the shadowy form while shrugging.
"I DO NOT! DEAN DOES!" Shouted an offended Jay, "What are you, some
kind of rogue insurance man?!?"
"No!" bellowed the Dark form quick darting forward to slap a strip of
duct tape across Jay's mouth with a black leather gloved hand, before
just as rapidly retreating back into the shadows.
"Now I shall continue..." Said the Dark form while adjusting his cowl
to make sure his face was still hidden, before again slowly
withdrawing the small red leather bound journal and smoothing the
first page lovingly with a black leather gloved hand. There was a
quiet moment as the black robed figure read the first page, and
carefully flipped it to the next, then turned and disappeared into
dark corner of the room, to picking up something that looked vaguely
a Doctors black medical bag, then slowly walking up to just about the
edge of the bright light before quickly kneeling and opening up the
black bag.
The gloved hands methodically removed several items from the bag.
They appeared to be a set of mini speakers, a small MP3 player, and a
set hypodermic needles, syringes and accompanying vials of liquid
drugs of some soret. Jay was getting very worried now.
Then the Dark form calmly connected the speakers up to the the MP3
player and hit 'play', causing a unbelievably loud Elmo voice singing
a Seasme Street song to emanate from the speakers. Jay let out a
muffled scream of horror and began squirming even more in earnest to
get out of his grey sticky tape bindings, as the dark figure stood up
and backward into the shadow to flip to the next page and begin
reading quietly outloud, "Why I hate you, let me count the ways..."
"I hate you because you act like you are goodie two shoe, when you
are not.
I hate you because you are a human, when you do not deserve to be
one.
I hate you because you pretend to be a team person, but your selfish
actions show you are not.
I hate you because you think you are a hotshot Pilot, when your not
because you've crashed a lot.
Jay tried to object through the duct tape, but the Dark figure
flipped the journals page and continued on undetered and slowly
getting louder,"I hate you because you claim to be person of
authority, yet you disobey orders.
I hate you because you claim to be person of authority, but you mock
authority and diss your superiors.
I hate you because you are on a ship mining ship, that does no mining
I hate you because you succeeded in getting married..."
{This repetitious monologue continues on for several hours, causing
Jay to eventually fall asleep and snore a bit muffledly.}
"I hate you in Olive drab cloths.
I hate you in golf courses.
I hate you even when your wearing Green eggs and Ham.", The Dark
figure paused, causing Jay to wake up and note that his sweaty
sleeping had helped loosen his bonds on his legs & face quite a bit,
he struggled against them some more as the Dark robed figure casually
flipped to the last page of the journal, and took a deeeep breath and
before shouting, "And Most importantly, I hate you BECAUSE YOU LEFT
ME BEHIND IN A FREEZER WITH A PERVERTED MIDGET IN 1984," the Dark
figure was spraying spittle from his lips now as he shrieked in sheer
fury at Jay, "WHO MADE A *FRICKIN* FLOWER VASE OUTTA ME!!!" As the
dark figure almost theatrically swept aside the front of his dark
robe to reveal a corpse like chest with mangy fur and a bunch of
wilted flowers sticking out of a gaping gangrenous sword thrust
wound. Jay was simply stunned as recognition suddenly began to dawn
upon him, his mind bobbled as he tried to think of what to do next as
his leg bonds slowly came apart he was almost there.
Then there was a sudden metal clank as MP suddenly walked through
the shimmering ENV control conduit wall.
The Dark figure whirled and bellowed at the little midget, "How dare
you have the termitary to interuppt an act of my vengeance!"
Mp merely went, "EEEeeeee?" then quickly started to duck as the Dark
figure lunged for him.
Jay took this to opportunity to try kicking off the remains of the
duct tape binding his legs, But they weren't cooperating, so instead,
he quickly wriggled towards the shimmering ENV control conduit wall
on his buttocks, and just made it through as he heard assorted sounds
of "Eee!" and loud scuffling struggle going on behind him.
Jay tumbled down the stairs and landed hard on the floor deckplating
below as the Dark voice bellowed, "So your a ankle biter eh? Try this
bite on for size you little runt!"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!" MP shrill scream rang throughout the ship
loud enough to wake the dead - too bad it didn't provide any help
with this particular Deadie, who bellowed, "Oh stop your whinning you
snivelling little runt - You haven't even begun to experience the
pain I have while I was turned to the dark side! Come, I shall
acquaint you and We shall be like brothers..." the voice trailed off
as it slowly receded.
Jay merely sat in a heap of sweaty & sticky as he saw the maintenance
hatch abruptly close and shimmered back to a airlock.
<Coming up next - Can the dark side handle MP?>
OOC: Oh Andy, I mean no offense with this posts statement - just
playing the part! :)
- White Wolf
Your once & future Captain!