*ACTION* Historic re-write part 2

* ACTION* Historic re-write part 2
Who: Emperors Cerebrum + Keto
Where: Death Jarette escape pod going through Wormhole
When: now that's the mystery!!!
"Ahh my trusted evil emperor friend what a cunning plan this is of
ours!" Said Cerebrum.
"Indeed, more cunning that a cunning fox that studies at the
university of cunning" Agreed Keto. "And speaking of universities,
we're just about there."
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Where: The European Space Core Academy
When: 2093
The European Space Core Academy was one of those places that never
sleeps. Nomatter what time of unsociable hour of the night that
you'd imagine there would be no-one about, well… there was. And for
the student who was walking across the front lawn at 4:28am, this is
exactly what he expected to see. No-one. But just to his
astonishment, there was someone urinating in the posh fountain in
the centre of the grounds.
A bum? A drunk? No! This was merely another student using the
Academy library late at night to quickly finish off 4 assignments
that had to be handed in by the morning.
Student Xavier Keto had been doing just that, using the library for
an exam the next morning. Although he needn't bother- for Keto had a
secret weapon for passing exams… the brain of his far more
intelligent brother in a jar- although he told no-one!
Instead he was looking up things far more sinister, researching many
bizarre ointments and potions that his lecturers would probably
disapprove of.
Not too far away, student Patrick Cerebrum was walking towards the
young Keto. He too had been working late on a paper to be submitted
about the psychotic tendencies of bull frogs.
The fate of these men lay in two different directions. Many argue
that every action or decision we make will create an infinite number
of possible futures. But today we are only concerned with two.
The two men should not meet this night, and should carry on in their
separate directions and not meet until both posted on Blue Dwarf
years later. But a watch lost by Jay Chrysler in 1984 was being
carried by a large seagull (fed on Cornish pasties presumably-
bastard seagulls stealing my icecream -grr) was making its way over
head and would drop the watch on Keto's head, making the two
strangers meet as Cerebrum walks into the dazed Keto. The two would
become great friends and forge an evil empire together.
-----------20 minutes earlier---------------
Who: The Raven crew (Dean, Canazza, Jasmine Starbolt, Jay, Mini-
Phil, Seymour Niples, Seymour Butts, Amber, Alotta, Phil, Keats,
Kyla and Jack)
Where: European Space Core Academy
When: 2093
The chunky Raven craft sailed out of the time hole following the
tiny Space Jarrette escape pod.
"Woah watch out for that big building mate!" shouted Dean, as Jay
pulled up sharp.
"Don't worry, its only a library, its not as if anyone would miss
it!"
"I'm not worried about that, I just don't want you dinting my Raven!"
The escape pod flew down and landed behind the library.
Jay looked at the date on a large glowing digital clock on a
building nearby. It also told him it was 21 degrees but that wasn't
important right now.
"This is 2093, this must be when cerebrum and keto met! Or weren't
supposed to meet… but they did"
"What made them meet?" asked Jack, piping up from the back.
"Well…urm… " Started Jay. "I kinda left my watch in 1984 which
altered the timeline. Apparently a bird dropped it on Keto's head
and that's when the two met."
"So you're the one to blame for the creation of this whole parallel
universe!!!" Niples pointed an accusing finger. "All the people who
have died at the hands of the evil empire"
Seymour Butts stood up and pointed too. "The Blue Dwarf, MY Blue
Dwarf was destroyed by their clowns, and its YOUR fault!!!"
"Okay okay, geez- I feel bad enough mate!" Said Jay. Both Seymours
removed their pointed fingers reluctantly.
"But that doesn't explain what their doing here now. If they make
sure their younger selves meet again, they cant improve on anything
can they?....."
---------Death Jarette pod---------
"Brilliant idea, merely give my younger self the plans for creating
the Death Jarette now- and it saves years of planning later on!!"
Said Keto. "and gives us chance to build a greater army so that we
will not fall to the Blue Dwarfs!"
"Brilliant…Hang on a minute, why should we give it to you? Why not
me?"
"Erm… well we can do…. But I've also included a list of all things
for myself to avoid doing over the next 10 years- including not
eating that burger in '97. Phew, if only someone had warned me
against it at the time."
"well I've written a list too!"
"mine's longer!"
"no it isn't, you just wrote bigger! And you wrote `don't go to
Disneyland' twice!"
"because it would save myself a lot of grief if I knew not to go!"
"okay okay" said Cerebrum. "we'll give plans for the death jar to
both of us."
"yes. And then set course through another time hole to the present
again."
"The present? Wont we have just affected time so that we were
completely happy with our lives, we created the death jar early and
by 2103 we will have an army vast enough to not be defeated by that
blue mining ship and not have to come back and change time after
all… so we should just shimmer our of existence right now and be
sitting happily on the bridge of our warship?"
"No- you see how our time hole device works, it allowed us to travel
to this, a possible dimension. We are merely altering this dimension
to create a completely new one- so we must still travel back to the
future because time is relative to us.
-------outside the death jarette pod--------
"what are they saying old boy?" whispered Ambassador Niples. Canazza
pushed to get a closer hear.
"Shhh!" said Jack who had his ear to the emperors pod. "something
about time being relative, I don't really understand it"
The pod door opened, falling straight onto Jack who fell under its
weight with a whimper.
Seymour and Canazza stood there like lemons.
"Erm…. Hello chaps!" Seymour said flappently.
"Bonjour." Said Canazza, trying to be someone else.
"They followed us back!" Cerebrum shouted. "They might destroy our
plans and even stop us from meeting altogether!"
"get them!" Said Keto, finding an ointment grenade. He threw it
across the Academy grounds and it exploded covering Seymour and
Cerebrum, the bones in their legs started to turn to jelly. they
tried to run further- looking like they had pipe cleaners for legs.
Students the next day walked through the patch of ointment and were
escorted from lectures for appearing drunk.
Jack sprung up from underneath the gang plank and took out his ninja
sword, swinging it at cerebrum. Alotta wrestled Keto to the ground
and started twisting his nipples. He screamed in agony.
As Alotta sat on him, Keto reached for a syringe of vile green
liquid amd was about to thrust it into Alotta's arm when Seymour
Butts- who had been preoccupied with getting his personal stereo to
work and a flyer showing how cheap council houses are these days,
saw what was going to happen to Alotta and threw himself on Keto's
arm. He got the injection in his stomach.
"Geez, what was that?!" Alotta said, seeing the empty vial.
Keto laughed even though both were now sitting on him. "He'll be
fully turned to stone within about 20 minutes! Theres no cure!!"
Seymour Butts swallowed hard. As hard as stone.
--------Jay, Phil + Mini-Phil, on the roof-----------
Jay and Phil searched the night sky.
"The emperors said a bord dropped the watch onto Keto's head. That
bird must fly over here somewhere- so if we can kill it and get my
watch back- this universe will never exist."
"But surely if the universe is infinite, it will still exist…"
Argued Phil. "remember the other parallel universes we've
encountered."
"okay true, it will still exist…… because that's where the Blue
Dwarf and the rest of the crew are. But this –THIS universe will end
up being the right one. So we should be able to get back to this
universe- I meant the right universe. You know what I mean."
"yeasss…." Phil sortof agreed. ""I suppose with some tweaking we
could use the new wormhole drive we've installed on the Blue Dwarf
to cross dimensions into the correct universe."
"There it is!" Yelled Jay. "It's the bird thats got my watch! Shoot
it"
They shot laser fire into the air.
"Your missing it!" Said Phil.
"I'm trying not to hit my watch, its expensive! Whats your excuse?"
"erm… general bad shot." Phil admitted "and the fact we're trying to
hit a small bird high up in the sky on a dark night."
"True." Jay stopped firing. "I have an idea. Grab MP's arm and leg."
"a leg and a wing to see the king, a one, a two and a-"
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
They through MP far into the air where he was surprisingly nimble
and snatched the watch. Unfortunately he missed the roof of the
Academy on his fall down.
"uh oh….." Said Phil and Jay watching the short clone fall.
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--
Jack swung the sword at cerebrum and cut his tunic. Cerebrum saw the
chance and pulled a gun out and aimed at Jacks head. But jack had
anticipated and swung the sword around his back, ducking down and
slicing cerebrums hand clean off.
"Noooo, you fool! How am I going to write psychiatric reports
now?!!! Oh- ooow!!!" he squeeled in pain and crouched on the floor.
"haha, who is the undefeated master!" Boasted Jack. But didn't see
that Cerebrum reached for a vial around his neck and rubbed it on
his hand, making a new hand grow back quickly.
Jack had his back turned as he bowed to an imaginary roaring crowd.
In fact it was Seymour and Canazza doing a wibbly dance. Seymour
moaned about his this bizarre method of walking was pulling the back
of his expensive new suit trousers that he was going to wear for the
queen's next visit.
Cerebrum pulled a sharp knife with his new hand and prepared to stab
jack when a midget fell on him from a great height.
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Alotta was trying to figure out how the Death jarette's escape pod
works. She entered a time and place and a swirling time hold
appeared between the pod and the raven.
"Set for 12000 years BC!" she said. "A fitting prison for two evil
emperors"
"No, no!" Screamed Keto and Cerebrum in unison. They had now been
tied up, but were still being held down by Seymour Butts, who was
starting to get really heavy, his torso hardening into stone.
Alotta picked Keto up and pushed him through the wormhole.
Keto took one look around 12000 years BC and hopped back.
"They'll just come straight back through" said Butts. "I'll go back
and make sure they stay there."
"But you'll be left behind!" Said Alotta.
Butts felt himselve becoming more and more rock than person. "I
havnt got long left. Let me do something useful."
Ambassador Niples wobbled over. "Are you sure you want to do this
old fellow?"
"I am"
"Well, you might look like a scruff and dress like a commoner and
have as much aristorcracy as a sewer rat, but you have a heart of
honour- like me of course! I'm proud of you dear parallel brother.
In a better universe, you could have been me-"
"Or you me!" Butts said.
"Erm… well I'd hope not. Farewell dear Sir!" Seymour shook his hand
rather wobblily, whereas Butts was very solid.
Butts put his arm around the necks of Keto and cerebrum just as they
hardened to stone and dragged them into the portal, and disappeared
to a past where they could do no harm.
Jay and Phil walked up, Jay took the watch from MP then walked up to
Alotta.
"I think I've got this figured out. If we put this escape pod on the
Raven we can follow this timeline to the future which will now be
the proper future as we know it. But the BD is still in the
Alternate dimension, which seems to still exist as a parallel
dimension so we have to go back to it and create another timeportal
which will bring us back to this reality."
"Sounds simple" Jay said.
"Indeed" Nodded Seymour trying to look clever and thinking he got
away with it.
As they carried the escape pod to the raven, in the distance Keto
and Cerebrum walked casually past each other, both in their own
thoughts.
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A dimension jump and a lot of faffing later, the Blue Dwarf was
being flown through a time hole back to our universe and the proper
timeline.
Efof sat back at the Navigation seat, having piloted the Blue Dwarf
through the timehole. "Woah, thank Human Gods that is over!"
"You weren't there for half of it!" Muttered Jay
"it sounded tiring" Efof admitted.
All the clones were gone, and everything was back to normal. As
normal as it can get on the Blue Dwarf at least.
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Seymour Niples straightened his suit and tie ready for a video
conference to report the whole time travel adventure to the Queen,
he was her ambassador after all- but the regular updates were just
to amuse her.
A quick snippet of news came on television.
"… have just found a perfectly sculptured stone humanoid buried in
marshlands in wales. The figure is over 14 thousand years old and
seems to be wearing a personal sterio, a nock-off adidas tracksuit
and hi-tec trainers. Scientists are quite puzzled…"
<OOC- thanks to Andy for writing the first action, and what a good
job he did! Sorry this was so long- there was so much to include in
it!!! plus i've not posted in a while due to the move and the new
job. hope this ties everything off beautifully!>