What smells like a French Guard burned to a crisp by searing hot plasma?

Who: Jeffrey Dodge
Where: An odd clearing by a French Forest base
When: During the Crew Leaving Blue Dwarf
Jeffrey found himself in a clearing about 20 clicks from his crash
site and he just finished pushing the dream to the back of his mind.
He was carrying a Portable Turret, a Rifle, a pistol, a huge
assortment of grenades and near unlimited ammo for all weapons. How he
managed to carry all these guns and ammo without succumbing to severe
anuerisms is a question best left to nit picky sci-fi nerds. Alright,
the planets gravity was lighter than normal. Happy? No? Well, then get
a life, give me a break and smeg off!
Jeffrey was prepared to blow this place to kingdom come and was
preparing his grenades, rifle, pistol, and turret all at once.
Questions about how many limbs he has? Two. Anything else? Ask sci-fi
nerds and leave me alone!
Jeffrey was all set and ready to fire as he slowly pulled the trigger...
...on all four weapons. (Don't even think about it) The Results...
were impressive. The Rifles provided a steady stream of blue bolts
while remaining accurate. The Grenades provided the satisfying
BOOOOOM! The Pistol was total smeg but, hey, it's a smegging pistol.
What did you expect, a nuke launcher? The Turret was the piece de
resisstance. A large mini-gun like stream of blue lighting lit the
base in a glowing purple fire. There was a small button on the side of
the turret that Jeff was tempted to press. But he decided it was fun
enough watching Frenchies burst into flame. However, the more he
ignored it, the more the temptation grew. Soon, he couldn't resist and
the turret siezed up. What came out of the Barrel was nothing like he
could describe. It desimated the entire base and left none alive.
Unfortunatly the blast also caused the other guns to stop firing and
reinforcements were well on their way. Jeffrey knew when to run.
Leaving his "God"-like little friends behind.
"SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEG! SMEG SMEG SMEGSMEGSMEG!"
Soon the entire French Foriegn Legion was after him! And don't ask any
questions about how every french guy on the planet knew about him!
<to be continued>