Seymour "Hunt for CCTV" pt2Posted by
Posted: Nov 22, 2006, 6:46pm
Who: Seymour and MP (Massive Phil)
Where: Security Dept
When: right now
With a swift angry kick, MP kicked Seymour around the room. He bounced
off walls and MP grabbed him and slammed him into the wall of tv
screens. Seymour shreaked and ran out of the room shouting in a
squeaky voice "Help me, help meeeEEEEeeeeEE!!"
Seymour ran around as fast as his stubby little feet could take him.
He fell over a few times, but was never far enough from the floor for
it to hurt.
MP (Massive Phil) smashed the door from the CCTV room open and barged
through the open door, his shoulders now so wide that he had to scrape
through the door frame.
Seymour looked around for something to throw at the mass bulk of
muscle coming towards him. He tried to reach up to the security desk
to reach a few pens to throw, or at least shield himself behind a
plastic ring binder but it was no use, he was too short to reach.
He pulled on an electric cord for a lamp and the toppling lamp almost
crushed him to death, but along with the falling lamp a stapler fell
to the floor. Seymour picked it up with his stubby midget-fingers and
started shooting tiny staples at the large midget.
MP was even less amused by this, he stomped over to Seymour, pushing
one cheap Ikea sofa out of the way and bringing a fake-leather chair
above his head, ready to crash down on the posh midget.
Seymour fired the last round of staples, and luckily the hallucination
virus kicked in. Most of the staples pinged safely off MP's thick
cranium, the last one grew a hundred times larger, and obtained the
density of a neutron star and the momentum of a tarmac lorry driven by
The staple pushed MP backwards into a wall and pinned him there, the
large staple around his neck.
Seymour dusted himself off and walked back into the CCTV office. He
found the tape he was looking for and started playing. For the next 10
minutes he sat through some very boring tapes showing his empty
apartment while he was away on Mars. (Even boring for someone who's
DVD collection includes `Highlights of the Queens speeches 1993-1998'
and `The cast of Emmerdale sing Opera').
He was worried the angry large midget outside would struggle free
before he found what he was looking for. The fast-forwarded shape
showed absolutely nothing happening in his apartment for days, apart
from the view of Mars outside of his window rolling past.
Then he saw activity. With his stubby hobbit fingers, Seymour pressed
play on the remote and gasped. He saw a woman walking around his
apartment, drinking his wine and sleeping in his bed. He paused the
video and looked closer at the screen.
"Holly old chum, who is that?" he asked.
Holly appeared and shrugged. Seymour rolled his eyes. And then
wondered how Holly managed to shrug, having no shoulders.
"Alright, show me a crew list of people you think it might be." Holly
obeyed and four images of faces appeared on screen. Seymour started to
"Holly are you sure the crewroster is up to date? It's neither of
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. The first two are men with long hair, the third one is me and
the last one is a sprout!"
"Are you sure?" asked Holly.
"Yes bloody well sure already!" Seymour said. "Does that mean she's a
Holly shrugged again.
"Holly you are positively useless." Seymour said.
"At least I'm positive." Said Holly.
"Why is there a sprout on the crewroster Holly?"
"That's not a sprout, that's Sprouty McCabbage." Holly said plainly.
Seymour dropped his shoulders. "Are you sure he's not just a
"No, he's actually right behind you."
Seymour turned around. "What ya looking at?" said a sprout in a
Burberry hat. "Ya startin'?"
Seymour backed away slowly.