Captain Calvert - "How Jed feels about call-centres"

Who: Captain Jed Calvert
Where: JMC Blue Dwarf, Drive Room
When: While the away team were on the Halkon moon
Jed sat straddling a swivel chair, riding it up and down the Drive
room in boredom. He had a phone to his ear and listened to some chirpy
hold music that sounded like it had been played on a record player,
recorded on a tape player, eaten, stamped on, then converted to MIDI.
Jed grunted and sighed. He was the Captain, he was supposed to get
some lackey to do this kind of work for him. Normally Jed would point
his twin pistols around at any member of his crew to force them to do
this for him, but unfortunately most of the Crew had been transferred
to the Ffionian ships, and were currently on an away mission on a
moon. This is course was great news that all his staff were busy doing
their jobs, but he sure hoped that the Ffionians were going to pay him
enough to cover the cost of driving the Captain to suicide by talking
to some call centre monkey.
After talking to some actual monkeys, he had been transferred around
the department, and then after another half an hour on hold he finally
got through to someone.
"Howdy partner, fer god's sake ah've been on hold fur hours!"
The call-centre person apologised and asked in the saccharinely voice
how he could help.
"Well I'll tell you what's wrong…" Jed started in an angry tone. "A
partner and me, well we came upon some real nice find. An idol it was,
real expensive. Still not entirely sure how my bunko artist of a
pardner managed to swipe it, but we did, and we got a good price for
it too."
There was a pause as the man from the call centre tried to keep up.
"Yeah well, we sold this idol for a high price. And I had all these
hyar dreams of what I could do with this damned load of money we got
for it. I could have used it to have a real hog-killing time, or a
load of great shindig's for myself. But no. I'm Cap'n of a mightly
fine starship now so ah've got some responabilities goddamit, so fer
once in mah life I thought about other people, mah crew. They're a
useless bunch but ah'm their Captain and I need them fer mah business.
So I ordered one of your products."
"Yes sir, which product was it you bought?"
"The Starship Cloaking Device 9000. Ah ordered it from space-station
28 an' it was delivered this morning."
"Was there a problem with the product sir?"
"You playin' with me kid? Of course thar's a problem! I ordered a
Starship cloaking device and I received an extremely large black sheet
with stars painted on it! What do you take me for?!"
"Um… right. Did you check the product description BEFORE you purchased
sir?" said the man on the telephone.
"Don' give me that you lily-livered mongoose! Ah'm in the right mind
to come all the way over to Space-station 28 an' shove this piece of
dren right up where the western sunset don't shine!"
"Good luck sir. I'm not on Space-station 28. I'm in India." Said the
man and hung up.
"Why you little filthy son-of-a whore! Git back here!" Jed yelled at
the phone. Then put the receiver down and shot it until he felt
better. He then shot a scutter for looking smug.
<OOC - guess what I did the other day!>

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