Kill Phil vol: 4Posted by
Posted: Apr 2, 2009, 5:01pm
"Come on...COME...ON!" Phil smacked the control panel hard with his fist and the EVE-1's HUD flickered back into life. "Heh..." he muttered to himself "True what they say, if it's broke...twat it.."
The suits gyros whined as Phil got back to his feet, and looked around. He was lying in the very bottom of the ravine into which he'd fallen. The impact had knocked the onboard computer offline, but Phil was relatively unharmed, despite having fallen well over 20 stories.
He checked the readings on the HUD, the damage report showed armour integrity was down to about 65%. No doubt the missile had done a good deal of that, before he even fell over the edge of the ravine. "note to self..." Phil thought "Don't get shot in the ass by air-to-air missiles even when piloting battlesuits...now..how do I get back up there to stop the Pulmonater from wiping out the city?"
He didn't have much time to think. The Mollopod fighter that had shot at him before rocketed overhead, and Phil watched as it looped and came back toward him, this time, flanked on either side by an identical fighter. "Oh for the love of all that is curry!" Phil exclaimed, as the craft opened fire with the machine guns. Phil leapt backward, and again, and a third time as bullets sprayed at his feet.
"I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!" he yelled, and leapt at the cliff wall, and began to climb. He didn't get more than 10 feet off the ground before a missile was launched from beneath the wing of one fighter, hitting the rock wall just above him, making him lose his grip and fall back to the ground.
Lying face-up on the ground he activated the suit's own rocket launcher, which rose up out of a compartment in the suit's shoulder region, the crosshairs lit up indicating that he had a missile lock. His thumb hovered over the fire button..
Phil didn't like Mollopods. In fact it was safe to say that he hated them. They were responsible for the death of his wife. He would have no issue if something were to wipe out each and every one of them...and he had the opportunity here to make a start at just that...he could kill a Mollopod fighter pilot with nothing but a squeeze of a trigger.
But he didn't. He retracted the rocket launcher back into the suit. Phil was a lot of things, but he wasn't a murderer. Contrary to what this battle made it appear, the Mollopods were allies of the human race. They were as innocent here as the humans themselves, both sides had been victim of a Hymenopteran trick. He couldn't kill one of them, no matter what they're race had done in the past. The alliance was too important.
Shame the Mollopods didn't agree, a warning claxon went off inside the cockpit. "Alert. Missile lock, evasive action required"
Phil wouldn't have time to dodge this one...he gritted his teeth and waited for the impa....no! WAIT! Phil, you're a genius!
He launched a salvo of signal flares into the air, the missile's - being a heat-seeker - targeting system was confused, and it changed course for the flares. Detonating several metres in the air above Phil. The flares burned brightly for several seconds in the sky, dazzling the fighter pilots who were forced to break off their attack.
"HAH!" Phil yelled to no-one in particular "Not so tough NOW are ya!..now, if you don't mind, i have a super-weapon to destroy before it destroys your city.."
He got back to his feet, and climbed the sheer cliff face, on the city-side of the ravine. The Pulmonater was slowly approaching from the opposite side, toward a bridge that would easily carry the weapons platform into the heart of Little Cheftonia. Phil readied every weapon in his arsenal, and aimed them at the mechanical snail...
Suddenly, the air was filled with the sound of starship engines...he looked up, just as the suits early warning system fired the jump jets once more and launched itself clear of the incoming weapons fire. "For smeg's sake Mollies!" he shouted "Can;t you see I'm trying to help....you..." he trailed off as he realised that these were not Mollopod fighters. But Hymenopteran, who were opening fire, not at him, but at Little Cheftonia, Phil had just gotten in the way.
Phil smiled as he fell back toward the ground. He didn't have to be nice to the Hymies...
He fired the jump jets manually, taking him high into the air, and toward an incoming Scorpion fighter. Landing on top of it, he punched downward, hard, puncturing the ships hull and yanking out what he assumed was a handful of vital components.
He wasn't wrong, and the ship spun out of control, he leapt off, just as it collided with a second fighter.
The remaining fighters were now paying attention...Phil whirled around in mid-air to face one that headed toward him, it's pulse cannons firing, the suits gatling guns kicked in, shooting the plasma round, and separating it into thousands of tiny shreds of nothingness, and then not stopping until they, completely by chance, embedded themselves in the fuel tank of the fighter than had fired, igniting the fuel inside, and sending the fighter spinning off into the distance in flames.
The last fighter was incoming, Phil wasted no time in letting off everything the suit had at the last ship. An arsenal of projectiles, energy weapons and explosives tore through the ships wing, the ship couldn't stay in the air any longer, and plummeted, nose first, into the bridge, hurtling straight through it as though it weren't there, just as the Pulmonator reached the crossing, out of control, the weapon couldn't stop, and tumbled, straight off the edge of the gaping hole the fighter had made and fell to the bottom of the ravine, sending up a cloud of dust and smoke.
"YES!" yelled Phil, raising the suits arms in triumph "I AM UNSTOPPABLE!!!! PHIL FEBUGGURE IS KING! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!!!!!"
The dust began to settle, and Phil could see the Mollopod colonel he had met earlier, stepping out of a Mollopod helicopter and running toward him. Phil readied his rubber band gun and aimed it at the soldier.
"Wait! Wait!" yelled the Colonel "I mean you no harm!"
Phil lowered his weapon.
"I saw everything! You're not working with the Hymenoptera! You saved the city!"
"We did try to tell you" Phil said "You decided to abduct us instead.."
"Yes...sorry about that..." said the Mollopod "I've already contacted the Apophollation Master, he's called off our troops and reinstated the alliance"
The Colonel drew his teleporter gun.
"Come..lets take you home..." he squeezed the trigger, but nothing happened.
"Jiggle it a bit" Phil suggested, as the EVE's cockpit glass hissed open and he climbed out.
"No..it's alright..I'll get it working.."
"Have you tried turning it off and on again?" Phil offered.
"I think it's the battery..." replied the Mollopod.
"Oh...give it here, there's a sure fire way to get batteries going again..."
The Mollopod did as asked and handed the battery to Phil.
Phil took the power cell, and raised it to face level, and stuck out his tongue.
"WAIT! NO!!!" yelled the Mollopod. "That's an anti-matter power-cell!"
But it was too late, Phil had licked the battery. Phil's hair stood on end, and the Colonel could have sworn he could see Phil's skeleton glowing through his skin. Phil spasmed for several minutes until smoke began to come from his ears, and he slumped to the ground.
"......tastes.....like......chicken...." he uttered, before his head lolled to one side and he lay there.
<Don't worry...Chris asked me to kill Phil. Licking a battery just seemed a ...Phil...thing to die from...oh, the alliance is back on...over to you onion old bean!>