Queen Brittany's final resting place...Posted by
Posted: Sep 7, 2010, 4:53pm
Back at Alpha Centauri, the Blue Dwarf drifted slowly towards a green space
craft, nowhere near the size of a mothership, but larger than a Starbug. A Blue
Midget flew across the night sky, Efof sat at the controls. His usual calm self
had all four hands glued to the control stick as he approached the Hymenoptera
Station. He stared intently at the alien craft, waiting for it to start shooting
Where: In Starbug going towards Hymenoptera spacestation
When: After Amber was taken to the spacestation
Efof held his arms up against his head and cringed. After a few moments he
realised the alien spacestation wasn't shooting at him after all.
"Odd." He said. "Normally everyone shoots at me. Especially the Hymenoptera."
He flew a little closer and again cringed, then looked up. "This must be a
trap." He said. "They normally shoot at me. Maybe I should call on the radio
them to remind them?"
The Ffionian felt a sharp slap around the back of his head. "Don't do that you
fool! It's a bad idea." Said Seymour standing behind him.
"Oh yeah." Said Efof. "Hymenoptera don't speak Human!"
"No, because they'll start shooting you dimwitted moron." Seymour said.
"So why are you here?" Efof asked.
Seymour presented in his hand a stiletto shoe. Efof looked inside and almost
barfed. "Eeeewww, is that.... is that...."
"These are the remains of her Royal Highness Queen Brittany of England." Seymour
said with a tear in his eye. "This bloodied stump represents the last in the
Royal line, stretching back from Elizabeth II, Victoria, Henry VIII, George
"Aren't they all pubs?" Efof asked.
"Named after great monarchs!" Seymour said proudly.
"So why do you have Brittany's bloodied stump in my cockpit?" Asked Efof.
"Waving it around like that makes me feel a bit iffy."
"It's not just the foot. It's also this thong." Seymour said.
"Oh can I have that?" Efof said, and took it.
"NO! These remains need to be posted back to Earth in an automated
space-coffin-transport." Seymour said, showing Efof a steel box that he placed
the foot in. It will automatically fly back to Earth where she can have a state
funeral and be buried properly."
"Couldnt you do that back at the Blue Dwarf?" Like throw it out of an airlock,
or flush it down the loo or something?"
"No it needs to be out in open space, so that it doesn't get stuck on anything.
It'll fly all the way back to Earth untouched.
Seymour snatched back the thong which Efof was sniffing and placed it also in
the coffin. He then took it over to the Starbug's airlock and placed it inside.
As the metal seal closed he sang all three verses of "God save the Queen", but
omitted the fourth and most popular verse which had been invented especially for
Queen Brittany about how fit she was and how good she looked in a g-string.
The small metal coffin flew away from the Starbug, and Seymour watched it with a
hand on his heart.
The coffin flew straight into the Hymenoptera spacestation's sticky green wall
and stopped dead.
"What's that?" Seymour shouted.
"Oh, that's a Hymenoptera spacestation!" Efof said.
"Queen Brittany!" Seymour shouted. "She's stuck to the wall! She'll never get
her state funeral."
Efof shrugged. "Nevermind. Just say you posted it fine, the problem must be on
the other end."
Seymour nodded. "Yes... I think that's best."
Efof nodded and flew into the Hymenoptera spacestation's docking tunnel. It was
dark and looked sticky. Long tendrils extended from the organic walls and
clasped the Starbug into place.
"We're here!" Efof said and jumped out of the Starbug happily.
"Wait!" Seymour pulled him back. "Have you lost your mind? There might be
Hymenoptera out there!"
"Oh yeah. I'll be quiet." Efof said.
They walked onto the spacestation, which was eerily quiet. The floor and walls
were sticky with organic matter. Efof tried to talk, but Seymour put his fingers
to his lips. "The enemy might hear us." He whispered.
"Yeah but... but... what's organic mean?"
"It means the ship is made of living material." Said Seymour. "Now shush."
"Yeah but... I just want to know...." Efof pestered. "If all Hymenoptera ships
are 'organic' then what does that mean?"
"It means they repair themselves, they grown, they are like a Hymenoptera
themselves, they're like one giant living organism."
"But ... but... how do they grow?"
"I'm not sure what you mean." Said Seymour.
"Well... do they like... was this spacestation in an egg, or did another
spacestation give birth to it?"
"I'm not sure. Now please be quiet."
"Imagine if a spacestation gave birth to it. Imagine the size of that vagina!"
Seymour stopped. "Please. Be. Quiet." He said.
Then they heard a sound. It came from further down the sticky green corridor.
Efof and Seymour held their breaths and started to panic, someone else or
something else had heard them.
They heard a voice shouting to them loud and clear. "Be quiet you two! I could
hear you two arguing from miles away!"
"Amber?" Seymour said, and walked over to a wall where she'd been plastered into
an alcove with lots of stringy spiderwebs.
Efof and Seymour started pulling on the webs and eventually broke her free. "I'm
really terribly sorry about this." Said Seymour. "I don't know how to stop her
"She's getting more dangerous Seymour." Amber said. "What will happen next?
She'll make the entire ship disappear into one of her wormholes-"
"I prefer to call it 'burrowing'." Seymour said. "It matches her cute little
"I was put in danger!" Amber shouted at him. "Little girls shouldn't have the
ability to do this!"
Seymour hung his head, there was nothing he could say.
Efof broke the awkward silence. "So what is this place?"
"There are only a few Hymenoptera." Said Amber. "They tied me up, but they'll be
back. Probably keeping me for dinner later. I did see a computer terminal
though, I could read it in Hymenotera. It showed that this station was
broadcasting to another. And the other one looked really important. I think we
should check it out."
"Now?" Asked Seymour.
"No time like the present." Said Amber, "Although I do feel like I need a
Efof shrugged. "Yeah lets go check it out. The Starbug's this way."
The sound of clattering bug legs came from the distance and they started to run
back to the Starbug. As they got there, they saw how their ship had been tied up
with long spindly tendrils.
"We can't fly off with those attached." Said Efof.
"How are we going to get away then?" Asked Seymour.
<Tag Becca, sorry I didn't quite get to where we talked about but is this close
enough? How do we get away?>