Kicking Frank Sidebottom in the Bollocks

WHO: Gomez & Justin
WHERE: In a Space Eagle
WHEN: During the Battle
"Ready to go?" said Justin over the comm channel built into Gomez's helmet.
"About as ready as I'll ever be" replied Gomez. He'd never really been inside a fighter ship before, outside of installing new technology or effecting repairs. This would be his first real combat mission and he was, to say the least, pretty smegging nervous.
"Cool. Looks like we're ready to go" came Justin's reply, igniting the crafts booster rockets and manouevering it out through the cargo bay doors and into battle. "I hope you've got a plan, dude" said Justin, not exactly oozing confidence in the Spaniard.
Gomez had had time to think things through, and had a fairly decent idea on where to strike the craft. He knew a lot of good people – at least, he hoped they were still good – were still on board, so his plan wasn't to destroy the ship but merely disable it and leave her adrift. The survivors could then at least make it to the escape pods and the ship could be rendered derelict and ripe for salvage. If Blue Dwarf was to survive on its own, the Sidebottom would be useful for raw materials, food and medical supplies.
"Don't worry, my friend" Gomez tried to say with confidence "I know what I am doing, ok? I served on that ship for years and know its serects"
"I hope so, otherwise we are well and truly smegged."
Justin piloted them expertly into the battle, staying just outside the enemies fire, keeping them away from the danger zone. Using the Eagle's battle computer, Gomez plotted a course towards the dark, bulbous power units.
"Ok, the plan is simple. Under the rear of the vessel, can you see those big black lumps?"
"Those big black things that look like Lemmy's testicles?"
"Yeah, sure, those testicle things are the source of the power for the ships armaments. If you can knock those two out, the ship will lose power to its laser cannons and torpedo systems. It'll leave the ship vulnerable, though we and the other fighters will still have to deal with the enemy fighter craft"
"If you say so, but those things look like more fire power than we have. I'll radio the plan over to some of the others, see if we can make a flyby"
After a brief moments deliberation with some of the other pilots, the plan was agreed to make a 'bombing run' on the giant, metal testicles of doom (as Justin had programmed the flight computer to recognize them). They'd be able to make two, maybe three, passes over them before the enemy JMC noticed that they were deliberately trying to destroy the power units and focussed all their defence efforts on protecting it.
"OK, we're ready to dive in. You're riding shotgun with the laser cannon, so try and make sure you hit the ships bollocks" said Justin, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Ready" replied Gomez, already getting sick of the guys lack of trust in him.
The Space Eagles flew down low in a V formation, picking off any enemy fighters they ran into. Gomez felt a pang of regret for everyone he shot down, knowing he might just have served alongside the ships pilot. Then again, most of the fighter pilots aboard the Sidebottom had been arrogant, macho bichos, so he wouldn't miss them too much.
"Alright men" came Justin over the comm channel "commence firing!"
The Space Eagles unleashed a wave of firey death upon the black power units. The first few volleys bounced off the reinforced armour plating they'd been covered with, but the telltale cracks had appeared meaning that a few more volleys would detonate them.
"Justin, sir, we need to make another run – can we do it?"
"Sure, but we've attracted attention – we've got enemy fighters incoming!"
A few Space Eagles peeled off from the formation and flew off to engage the enemy to buy the remaining fighters a bit more time. Justin ordered a second fly-by on the power units. Gomez locked on and steadied his grip. A few more shots could bring them victory. With the units in sight and closing in fast, Gomez unleashed electric death in a volley of laser at the two units.
The explosion was almighty – the units fizzled and exploded into space like a firecracker, albeit a firecracker with all the power and intensity of an atom bomb. Debris flew out and away from the smoking wreckage that was the underside of the Frank Sidebottom. True they'd still have to deal with the enemy fighters, of which there were still plenty, but at least the odds had been levelled. But nevertheless, Justin and Gomez had pulled through in one piece.
"Well done Justin, sir!" said Gomez, with pride filling his voice "we have just successfully, how you say, kicked Frank Sidebottom in the bollocks!"
<TAG: Justin – want to continue to kick some arse or bring us back to base?>

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