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View character profile for: Justin Pancake
View character profile for: Jelena Markova
Sucked off in the worst possible way
“I'll handle this.” Said Justin, standing atop the elephant corpse and massaged his boobs together like he was kneading bread. He made a face like he was blowing on an invisible trumpet, which he thought looked sexy.
The ancient solder looked so confused that he didn't notice Alex get behind and shoot him.
“I want my body back NOW!” Jelena said, and dragged Justin back into the ship, and the others continued into the STCP base.
Where: Holographic control room
When: As everyone else is in the STCP HQ
“Holly, can you switch us back into the correct bodies?” Jelena said.
Holly blinked onto the screen, and looked at Jelena quizzically in Justin's body. “How do I know you're not already in your body and this is a jape?” The skeptical computer said.
“Because Justin's trying to lick his own vagina. Is that really something I'd do?” Jelena said, then smacked Justin. “STOP IT!”
Justin looked up and saw Holly. “Hey Hol. Any chance you can fit me with a vajazzle?”
“Oh crumbs.” Holly said. “I'll fix you in a jiffy.”
Their bodies both faded out and in again switching places. Jelena looked at her arms, and Justin grabbed his crotch. “All in one piece!” He said.
Before Holly disappeared again, Justin called out to him. “Actually Holly... what's the chance you could make us both hardlight too? I know there's no power, but can't we use emergency power?”
“Sorry dudes. No chance. If you both want to remain online, you definitely have to be softlight.”
“Unless....” Holly said, giving them both hope. They waited for him to give them an option. Any option.
“...If I could delete some space from your holo-matrix, I might be able to. Justin, all that new programming that means you can feel pleasure, that's 160 gigabytes we could delete.”
“No way! I like feeling pleasure!”
“And Jelena, you've got 180 gigabytes of memories just about childhood cats. I could delete that.”
“Nooooo! I don't want to forget Bobo my kitten!” she whined.
Justin shrugged at her. “Lose the cats, or live like this for the rest of your life.... I mean death.”
She thought for a full minute. “Okay. But only if Justin loses his pleasure too.”
“Do you want to be softlight forever?”
“No. Of course not. I want to experience all the pleasures of life, love, sex, and more sex!” He paused for a second. “And more sex!”
Jelena shuddered. “You're such a vile person”. He winked at her.
They both came to the agreement that they'd lose some lines of code to become hardlight. “What do we do?” Justin asked.
“One of you stand onto that holo-mat.” Holly ordered, and Justin in a show of uncharacteristic chivalry waved for the woman to go first. Jelena stood on the pad and disappeared.
“Have you deleted her memories?” Justin asked.
“Hold on! Not yet... now.” Holly said.
“Just delete the rest while you're at it.” Justin said.
Holly turned sharply to face him. “You what?”
“Just delete her. All of her.”
“But... I thought... I know my processor isn't as fast as it used to be, but I thought the plan was to just take out a few memories?”
“Nope. Just delete her.” Justin said, a glint of something sinister in his eyes.
“Ooookay” said Holly.
Justin nodded. “Now can you make me hardlight?”
“Yes of course.”
“Do it.” Justin said with a sly grin. He felt the feeling of physical holographic energy flowing through his matrix, and grabbed the table. “I can touch!” He stroked the computer monitor. “I can feel! I'm free! I'm-”
“Nah, she was useless. I'm more of a valuable asset to this crew! Problem is, there's just nobody in command to make the tough decision to turn her off. Jay's away, and that pansy Seymour wouldn't do it. He just tries to please everyone and pleases nobody. There's no leadership, so I made the decision for them. Make sense?”
“No. I feel bad.” Said Holly.
“So do I!” Said Justin, and with a swagger in his step he strode out of the control centre towards the Drive Room to check on what was happening.
He found it empty, with one annoying light blinking. He looked closer and found it was the answering machine.
As he was still liking the novelty of touching things, he made a big deal of pressing the “last message” button.
“Blue Dwarf. This is your final warning. Retract your ship from our headquarters of we'll be forced to remove it ourselves.”
Justin looked around for any enemy spaceships. There were none. “Pfft, empty threats!” He said. In fact there was nothing in this area of space except the STCP base, and the big crunch, the dense sphere that contained all the matter from the universe ever.
The message continued. “We have reduced the gravity nullifier that is stopping our base from being pulled into the big crunch to 95%. Our base has its own emergency shielding, but your ship does not. You will notice its gravity.”
Justin looked at a mug of tea that Seymour had left on the desk. The liquid in the cup was being pulled to one side, towards the window showing the big crunch.
“If you don't retract your ship. We will reduce the shielding to 90% and you'll be sucked in.”
“Smeggy crap!” Justin said, and fumbled with the radio to communicate with the team on the base.
“Guys, hurry up and get off the base, or the Blue Dwarf'll be sucked off. In the worst possible way!”