**Action** "Hob nobbing with the Governor"Posted by
Posted: Jan 28, 2002, 8:36pm
Captain Seymour Niples + Efof Yu'wanker
Inside a limousine
"Oh I say, the people on this planet do seem a bit... What is the word I want to use..."
"Thick?" Said Efof, who was still in the habit of being open and honest, as his world had no use for lying. It was perfect afterall. Unfortunately since he has been on the Blue Dwarf he has been tainted by human civilisation which has been less than perfect, but his ability to merge his understanding of the two cultures has been unique. Like for instance in the Parrotts when a burly security officer asks Efof how what he thinks of the man's new tattoo, Efof has the honesty to voice his true opinion, but uses a descriptive word that Dren taught him last week. "Shite." he had said. He still had the bruise on his chin.
"Slow? Stupid?" Efof carried on describing the Plebian race. "Two eggs short of a basket, a trolly short of a supermarket, an ice-cream short of a McFlurry, the lights are on but there's no-one home, the eng-"
"Thank you Mr. Yu'wanker." Said The Captain who was worried a how many things Efof had picked up from Earth culture that were actually intellectual.
"I just mean they aren't human are they?"
"Well they are like a lot of humans on the Blue Dwarf...."
"Efof, that's enough!" Anyway we are almost there, this building looks very important. 21st century archetecture, based on the sculptures of the artist Montage Le Gaute."
They got out of the limo and Seymour walked into the building.
"Montage Le what?" asked Efof who stood staring at the building in awe. Although was this art? To him it just looked like it was built crooked. He wouldn't put it past the people of this planet. Although it was built shabbily he was transfixed by it, no-one ever built anything that looked shabby on Ffion- whether they meant it to look like that or not. He ran to catch the Captain up.
Seymour walked proudly and confidently up to the receptionist. "I've come to see the Governor."
"Do you have an apointment."
"Third floor, doorway at he end of the corridor. Have a nice day sir."
"Thank you, I will." Seymour smiled cheerfully. Efof followed behind.
"I'm erm... with him." he pointed to the Captain.
"Do you have an apointment?" asked the receptionist.
"Erm...no." He couldn't lie, but also heard the Captain say that he didn't either.
"Well then you will have to wait. Please take a seat." Said the receptionist.
"But...but..." Efof whined, he wanted to stay with the Captain, this was an unknown world and he didn't want to be alone.
"Just wait for me here Efof, I won't be long." Said Seymour. Efof kicked his feet.
"And do what?" he said.
The captain looked around and pointed to some chairs and coffee table in the corner. "Look at that coffee table, it's magnificent!"
"Oh wow!" said Efof in amazement and sat down to look more closely at the coffee table. Which is where he would stay for the next few hours.
The Captain went up to the Governors office.
"Please Come in, please do!"
Seymour walked in the room to see the governor who was wearing a sleeve-less jumper (or tank-top) and currently gently swinging a putting iron. The golf ball rolled along the office floor and hit a glas cup with a *dink*.
"Very good shot sir," said Niples. "But may I say one thing which may drastically improve your game?"
"Oh please go on." said the governor.
"Turn the glass around so that the ball actually goes in the cup."
The governor thought for a moment, Seymour wondered if he had insulted the man for a minute as the pause grew longer. Finally he spoke.
"Oh I dare say I think you're right!" The man seemed very pleased with the suggestion. "I would have never thought of that! I like you sir, what is your name?"
"I am..... Captain Seymour Niples of the J.M.C Mining ship Blue Dwarf. We were-"
"Oh splendid! Would you care for a sherry captain, or a glass of bordaux perhaps?
"Hmm I would love to, what year bordaux?" Seymour asked.
"Two thousand and two." The governor replied.
"Oh dear, better make it sherry please."
The governor invited him to sit at his ornate oak dinnertable and soon they were sipping sherry and discussing the importance of napkins.
"Terrific!" They said as they sipped their drinks.
"So Captain, you're a human are you not?"
"I am sir, we came aboard a starship and had to take refuge on your planet after a containment leak eradiated our ship. We did not even know that a civilisation lived here, you are not on any star charts we have been provided, and by the structures here I take it you havn't just sprung up overnight."
"No Captain, the reason why I asked if you are human is that some people on this planet are... shall we say "uncomfortable" with humans. They still blame you for banishing us here in the first place."
"Banishing?" AskedSaid Niples as he finished his sherry. Some servants came around and offered him a cup of tea and a Ferraro Rocher.
"Yes, you see we were all created in a gentetic experiment which your race seems to love so well. They meddled with human DNA, probably to make a 'perfect' human or some other such ridiculous idea and made us. And as you can see captain we are not what our creators expeted and wanted, so to cover it up they threw us off your planet and made us a new home here."
"That's terrible!" exclaimed the Captain.
"It's not all bad, they gave us all we needed to start a new life. We got building materials, food, toilet roll, enough to last us until we could manage for ourselves. And we have done very well, I'm proud of what we have built here. But there are others-"
"Others?" Asked Niples, biting into the Ferraro Rocher and dabbing the corners of his mouth with a napkin to clean off the chocolate.
"Some people who want to get revenge on the human race, to make them pay for not giving us the choice. These people have banded together, they raise money for their cause by organised crime. Why, only last week did they rob the bank and got away with a priceless diamond."
He pointed a TV remote at the far wall and a big TV lowered from the celing.
Footage filmed by an internal survaillance camera came on showing a woman dressed in black smash through the wall of the Plebe National Bank in an explosion of green flames, lay waste to an array of security guards with green fireballs that she shot straight out of the palms of her hands. She swiped the diamond in the bank then quickly ran out of the building.
The speed she ran at reminded Seymour of Jay, who had currently turned into Mr. Caffeine and was running around everywhere. And the flames she shot reminded him of Zodar, who seemed to be set alight most of the time.
The governor switched the channel and suddenly a news bulletin came on showing a man in a flapping red bath robe flying into the air to save a woman from a falling building.
That made Seymour think about the special powers the woman on the survaillance tape had. If it were only huimans and not plebes that were being affected then that woman must be human. But why would a human have things against humans?
**Downstairs in reception**
Staring at the coffeetable had worn thin quicker than Efof had thought so now his gaze flickered elsewhere. He watched the TV screen and after a while thought:
"I'm sure Captain Niples has a dressing gown like that..."
================================David "Onion" BallCaptain Seymor Niples, J.M.C Blue Dwarf================================"Holly?" "Yes dude?" "Where's Jay gone?" "Jay... Jay who?" "Jay the chinese restaurant owner...who do you think?" "He's in the chinese restaurant" "Chrysler's in a chinese restaurant?" "No... Jay the Chinese Restaurant owner's in the chinese restaurant... cor, and you call me thick" (Kayn Bestrom, BlueDwarf.co.uk)====================================