The return of King Seymour

The return of King Seymour the first
Starbug 15
Deep space
After ages of searching
“Good gracious this tastes foul!” Seymour shouted to himself as he spooned a
pot noodle into his mouth. Living in the rickety Starbug had really been
hell for the ex Blue Dwarf captain who was used to the high life of the best
meals, fine wines and all those extra trimmings around every meal. After
almost 3 months of looking for the Queen of England he had run out of all
but emergency rations. He tried to spruce his meal up by pouring the pot
noodle onto a polished engine coolant lid and pretending he was back at home
eating from his best silver plate.
But it still tasted like old cheap Kwiksave pot noodle made with boiled
water recyclant.
After the Queen left him in charge his life had been hell, the royal guard
were chasing him around the galaxy accusing him of kidnapping the queen. Not
to mention probably every single royalist in Great Britain hating him for
being the monarch that destroyed Buckingham palace. But technically it was a
giant robot lobster that did that.
And he hadn’t seen Katrina for ages, last he saw she was injured in the Blue
Dwarf’s medibay. And now due to a bloody neutron star blocking the space
between him and Blue Dwarf he couldn’t even contact her via video-comm.
And to top it all off his onboard Holly had contracted a computer virus and
wasn’t working. It was sheer luck that Seymour looked out of the window when
he did to see the space supply station, because auto pilot and auto sensors
were holly’s job. Seymour wished again that he had the Space Eagle 2, but
remembered Efof flying it away under control by the Queen’s feminine charms.
He docked the rusty starbug into the station and went aboard to look for
supplies. It was a fairly busy station, full of dodgy tradesmen. Beggers
came and asked for money, Seymour politely refused.
“Excuse me my dear gentleman” Said another voice.
“I’m sorry my dear beggerman, I don’t believe in giving money to people whom
I think will spend it on booze.”
“That’s not what I wanted, I wanted to offer you a meeting with my friend
here.” Seymour turned to see a skinny young woman with greasy skin and
yellow teeth but dressed in skimpy clothes and had about a tonne of gold
around her neck. She battered her eyelids at him.
“I…I… Absolutely not, how dare you! Who do you think I am?” Seymour raised
his voice in outrage at the pimp.
The woman tried her best to look hurt. “Theres no need to be like that
friend, you’ve insulted the lady! Who do you think you are? The King of
England? Isn’t she good enough for you?!”
Seymour was tempted to raise his nose in the air and say ‘I am the king and
no she’s not good enough!’ but in order not to make a scene he apologised to
the lady and shook her hand, (promptly wiping it on his trousers afterwards
of course).
He quickstepped away, this king business was getting to his head. He headed
for a food storage shop.
**Meanwhile on the same station**
“Do we really have to wear these ridiculous fluffy hats?” Said one of the
two British Royal guards that were hunting Seymour. “I mean, it doesn’t
really do anything, and what’s it got to do with British tradition?”
“Maybe it used to be really cold before global warming…” said the other
guard. And as they turned a corner in the space post he couldn’t believe his
eyes, the very man they were looking for just walked right in front of them.
Seymour Niples, wanted for immediate imprisonment for the disappearance of
the Queen.
Seymour heard them coming up behind them while he was in the shop, he had
just bought a crate of ratatouille and fresh Italian pasta. Having nothing
to defend himself with he threw the crate at the guards, it knocked them
back. Not having much time but still wanting to have some food for the next
few weeks, Seymour grabbed another crate and ran towards the airlock.
Unfortunately the crate he had picked was full of more pot noodles.
Seymour ran back past the pimp and prostitute, “These next chaps might be
interested in your services ma’am!” he yelled back. And heard the guards
being stopped, knowing that they were too polite to ignore the man.
Seymour got into the Starbug and flew out of the hanger, as he looked back
he saw that he’d lost the two guards. But due to a design flaw of the
station, the hangerbay doors opened onto a rotating advertising billboard.
Seymour was too busy looking back that he didn’t see the obstruction until
the last minute. He swerved and only managed to scrape the starbug’s
underside. As the bug’s landing legs folder back for flight-mode, something
that had been caught in the collision buckled and the Starbug’s leg snapped
off and floated into the distance.
“Oh deary deary me.” Muttered Seymour looking at the damage. But it looked
like he wasn’t the only one to scrape his ship there, there had already been
scuff marks and debris from one of more other ships. A small chunk of metal
hit the windscreen, It was a dark green, but shinier that more starbugs.
Before he used the wipers to remove it, Seymour noticed writing on it which
read: “el nozzle please do not su”.
It seemed familiar. Very familiar. It was almost like the words “Fuel nozzle
please do not suck” Which they had to write on the Space Eagle because there
were tooth marks once found on it. They never found out who it was although
Jay had always suspected Doom.
In fact, it was those very same words! Seymour could even see where Kayn
misspelt ‘suck’ for ‘sock’.
“Good grief, it’s the Space Eagle! I’m on the right track!” He scanned for
more debris and found a trail.
“Splendid!” he said, well and truly chuffed with himself.
<To be continued!!!>
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