Five Thousand Chryslers - Shoot Me

Who: Keto, Tara, Hazel, Tree, Medibay Inhabitants, Chrysler1, Chrysler2, ... , Chrysler 5000
Where: Medibay
When: *flips a coin* Heads.
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Keto finally reached the doors of the medibay. Getting to them had taken longer than he thought - he's almost been there when the ship had come to a sudden, inexplicable halt, hurling him along the corridor and down a laundry chute. The trip back up from the laundry deck had taken a while, and Keto was none too chirpy.
His chirpiness level swung down into negative figures when the doors slid open and revealed a medibay full of patients recovering from a pirate raid and being hurled into bulkheads and other immobile fixtures when the ship halted.
"I...wha...who...CLEAVAGE!" bellowed Keto.
"It's not my fault!" said Tara reflexively as she poked her head out of the medibay's surgery.
"Why are all these patients here, then?" growled Keto.
"Pirates and gravity," inserted Hazel smoothly, walking across to tend to another patient, "Neither of which are exactly anybody's fault."
Keto fumed for a few minutes as the Tree rustled past, but seemed unable to find fault with this logic. With nobody to blame, he grew steadily redder and redder until finally he hissed something about being in his office and stormed into it.
There was a faint hissing, as if of steam, and the office door was suddenly slid open with a force that caused the propelling motors to whine. Keto opened his mouth to scream something about an infernal mess, unreliable staff and a short stay in the ship's airlocks. Fortunately for most of the staff, he was interrupted by the medibay doors opening and Jay Chrysler walking through.
"YOU!" hissed Keto, "What do YOU want?"
"Hey Keto," said Jay, but interrupted himself.
"Hey doc," interrupted the second Jay, stepping out from behind his clone. Keto blinked as the medibay fell silent and everyone turned to stare.
"Cleavage, Coffey...did one of you spill some of the hallucinogenic ointment lately?"
"No."
"Not lately."
"Then I may have lost my sanity rather earlier than planned," muttered Keto.
*Rustle rustle,* informed the Tree.
"You can see two too? Then something is very wrong in my medibay," said Keto, frowning.
"Three, actually," said the third Jay, stepping through the doors and jostling the other two forward. A couple of stifled laughs were silenced by a loud, warning cough from Keto.
"Three Chryslers?"
"Four," said another voice, the three by the door taking another step forward to allow their fellow clone inside.
"Holly," asked Keto in a quiet voice, "Seal the doors please."
"I can't, there's someone in the way," said Holly, shrugging (again, a novel move for a disembodied head).
"It's only Chrysler, he won't mind."
"Yes we will," said all five Chryslers.
"Would the little sextet of evil please leave my medibay before I do something terminal?" glared Keto.
"We would, but there's not room in the corridor to get back past," said the first of the seven Jays.
"Not ROOM!? How many of you ARE there?"
"Umm...one second," replied the spokesJay, before turning and yelling, "Roll call!" over his shoulder.
"Chrysler Two, present!"
"Chrysler Three, I'm here."
"Chrysler Four over this way."
"Chrysler Five, by the doors."
"Chrysler Six, trying to get inside."
"This," growled Keto, "Is not funny."
-- An Hour Later --
"Chrysler Four Thousand, Nine Hundred and Ninety Nine, reporting," called the last faint voice.
Silence fell.
"Are you telling me that there are four thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine Chryslers trying to get into my medibay?" asked Keto, part incredulously, part furiously.
"No, five thousand," frowned the first Jay, "We must have missed one. Roll ca..."
"NO!" yelled Keto, "No. I'll take your word for it."
"YOU'LL take MY word for something?"
"Not willingly, but in the interests of getting you out of here, yes," said Keto, sighing. "Now, why are you here?"
"The Cerebrums told us that we might want to have a word with you about our medical condition."
"Medical condition?"
"Yes. They said something about you having to give each and every one of us a medical checkup. Space Corp Directive 458769146b, apparently."
"The Space Corp Directives also say I'm not allowed to jettison Cerebrum through the waste vents of the ship," growled Keto, "I think I can afford to break two."
Suddenly his face lit up.
"Wait, I think I have a solution," he said, "You say that there's five thousand of you?"
"That's right."
"You're obviously suffering from multiple personality disorder," stated Keto, "An extreme case. And that's a psychological disorder, not a medical one. You need to go and be examined by Cerebrum."
"But there actually ARE five thousand of us," protested Jay One.
"That's irrelevant. It's multiple personality disorder whether or not those personalities are in bodies. Now, go. Shoo. Vamoose. Get gone."
"But..."
"Let me put it this way," said Keto, and threw a nearby ointment bottle at the crowd by the door. It was quite amusing how all the Jays tried desperately to throw themselves into cover.
The bottle shattered, and the green ointment within evaporated harmlessly. The clones stood back up.
"That...didn't do anything," said Jay Two defiantly.
"Quite right. That would appear to have been a completely harmless, non-damaging ointment," nodded Keto. He leaned over and grabbed another bottle, "However, I've got over seven thousand kinds of ointment packed away here. I'm sure that about six thousand of those are lethal, most at over fifty paces. Now, do I need to repeat myself?"
"We're gone!" announced all the Jays in the medibay simultaneously, and scrambled for the doors.
-- Minutes Later --
"I'm going to be in my office," said Keto quietly, "And if Chrysler, be it one, two or seventy million of them, tries to come in here, I do not wish to be disturbed. I have some very important paperwork that I am going to be trying very hard to deal with, and I do not need distractions."
Entering his office and sealing the door behind him, Keto sat down and sighed.
"Medical school never prepared me for this," he admitted, glancing towards his office cupboard.
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OOC: THANK YOU Ben. I've been trying desperately to think of something to inspire a post. Five thousand Jay Chryslers entering the medibay did the trick. :)