Dr Keto and Ointment Doubles
[NOTE: Well, I guess I'd better try to clear up any (extra) confusion
by staying with the crowd and calling the parallel Keto "Keto-2"!]
Near Sick Bay on Parallel Blue Dwarf
Time? We Don't Need No Steenken Time!
=====================================
Dr Keto walked down the corridor to sickbay, desperately trying not
to drop any of the four-hundred and thirty seven bottle of 'ointment'
that he was carrying. If this were a parallel universe, he mused,
then it could be that the new Dr Keto might not know how to provide
enough ointment for any patients. This entire ship could be a
walking deathtrap, without a doctor on board able to provide
assistance! Thank God he had arrived when he did!
The door into Sick Bay slid open with a hiss, and Dr Keto stepped
boldly forwards.
"Dr Charles Keto to...the...rescue..." he began, his voice trailing
off as he saw what lay within.
A completely, utterly white room, filled to maximum with technical
machinery, sick beds, patients, doctors and nurses, medical
robots...this whole place was...TECHNICAL.
And there, standing smiling in the middle of it all, was Keto-2,
looking at Dr Keto.
"Welcome to our Sick Bay," smiled Keto-2.
There was a smash.
Four-hundred and thirty six, Dr Keto couldn't help thinking. He
opened and closed his mouth for a second while he tried to think of
something intelligent to say.
"Very...white," he managed at the end. Keto-2 just smiled wider and
stepped forwards.
"Here, let me give you a hand with those," he said, and took an
armful of ointment bottles from Dr Keto. Placing them on a nearby
medical trolley, Keto-2 took a moment to glance at one of the bottles.
"Mustard Mexicana, eh? I'm sure that will come in...uh, useful."
"It's back ointment," stated Dr Keto, firmly. Keto-2 began to argue,
but stopped at the expression on Dr Keto's face.
"Fine," Keto-2 said after a second, "Um...well, how about I show you
around?"
Still Sick Bay
One Far Too Clinically Healthy Tour Later
=========================================
"Well, there you have it," said Keto-2. Dr Keto just gaped.
The tour had done nothing to improve his opinion of this new Sick
Bay. The place had medical equipment. It was clean. And, worst of
all, the new Keto didn't seem to have any concept of how to make or
procure ointments!
How could people live in a place like this?
"Ah, now this is one of our most famous patients," informed Keto-2,
gesturing to a middle-aged man lying on a Sick Bay bed nearby, "His
name is Brian. Say hello, Brian."
"Hi," croaked Brian. Dr Keto didn't reply.
"Brian was wheeled in here complaining of severe chest pains, nausea
and recurring bright images in front of his eyes," said Keto-2,
watching Dr Keto's reactions, "Now what could you deduce is wrong
with him?"
Dr Keto only had to think for a second.
"An internal tearing of the cerebral membrane protecting the Ivory-
Banana area of the brain leading to mental trauma and hallucinations
of the type commonly experienced during high consumption of alcohol,"
replied Dr Keto, "The chest pains would be psychosomatic for the
first thirty-six hours, but then oscillations in the cell organelles
would lead to internal damage. Commonly known as Greater Ostrich
Syndrome."
The staff of the parallel Sick Bay, including Keto-2, just stared for
a moment. Dr Keto looked around, slightly anxious.
"Am I right?" he asked. Keto-2 coughed.
"Uh...um, yes. Absolutely. Uh...if you don't mind me asking,
how...how did you diagnose him so quickly?"
Dr Keto looked puzzled.
"Quickly?"
Keto-2 sighed, then said, "It took us fourteen weeks just to detect
the cerebral membrane tear, even with all our machines."
Dr Keto tried to suppress a smug smile. He failed miserably.
"Well, there you go. Maybe if you put less machines and more THOUGHT
into the Sick Bay, your patients could be much better off!"
Keto-2 looked sad.
"Perhaps you're right," he admitted after a moment. He waved a hand
at a couple of nurses nearby. "He's right. Get rid of these useless
things," he said, pointing at the nearbvy machines. The nurses
shrugged, then began to wheel out the computers.
Keto-2 turned back to Dr Keto. "Just out of interest," he asked,
"How would you treat such a condition?"
"Simple," replied Dr Keto. Instantly he reached down and pulled a
bottle out of his pocket. Too quickly for the eye to follow he
unscrewed the lid and upended the bottle over the face of Brian.
The screams rang out through the laboratory. Keto-2 and parallel
Sick Bay staff stared at the bottle of "Squeekee-Cleen Windowleen" in
the smiling Dr Keto's hand.
"Ointment," said Dr Keto, smiling proudly.
There was silence, apart from a few whimpers from the now impeccably-
clean Brian.
Finally, Keto-2 spoke.
"On second thought," he said, "We might need the machines for a
*little* bit longer..."
============
NRPG: Well, there you go. Haven't written much of late, but I'm
trying! :)
Btw, you have permission to use my character in the Flan...dammit,
the Plan.