Okay Kids, lets wake up Uncle Jay, a hamster, and sober up a drunk mechanoid.
Where: WW's Living quarters, Again.
When: Just as the Blue Dwarf navigator his parrell parking into New
Who: White Wolf and WD-40.
"Okay, what was the message then?"
"I was getting to that - The JMC wanted to informed you, the Blue
Dwarf's acting captain, That since our mission isn't quite complete
yet, We're to to pick up the new ambassador by proceeding to New
Ibiza and wait for thier crew reassignments, Especially you & Captain
Seymour Niples in particular..." Said Holly, before blipping out.
"Oh My, I've never seen a hamster just faint like that before..."
Remarked Wd-40, "Perhaps My left cross was too much for him."
"Holly?!?" Exclaimed Wd-40, waited for a few seconds and then
The drowsy looking disembodied head appeared on the wall screen and
answered, "I'm not away, please don't bother leaving a message at the
"Pay attention, Holly!" exclaimed Wd-40 but this time pushing a
button near the wall screen which gave Holly a simulated spritz of
"Yes, what is it?" asked the suddenly wide eyed Holly.
"The acting Captain seems to have fainted, and I don't believe he is
ill, What should I do? Alert the chief Medicial officer?" Asked Wd-40.
"Why don't you wake him up like you did me?" replied Holly, having
his one and only good idea for the week.
"I suppose your right..." Said Wd-40, as he bent down and shook the
huge hamster, "Sir? Wake up! You seem to have fainted..."
"Oh, Why bother? We failed... Niples & I are going to be reassigned,
and all the crew's gonna be broken up..." Muttered the overgrown
hamster dejectly on the floor.
"You should let a minor setback like this get you depressed!" Said Wd-
40 Cheerfully, "What you need to do is something new, exciting and
interesting. Holly? Could you suggest something for the commander?"
"Get lost!" muttered the hamster sullenly.
"oh, you'd like someplace to get lost, huh?" Said Holly, "I've got
just the place! It's in our much unused Arboretum - a evergreen
hedgerow maze filled with a complete zoo animal collection, and it
sports one very delightful surprise for it's explorers in it's
"What's the surprise?" inquired the hamster from the floor.
"It wouldn't be a surprise if he told you that now would it..."
Remarked Wd-40, "Holly, just give me the directions to it, And I'll
take him there."
Later, Somewhere lost amongst the hedgerows in the Arboretum...
"Brillant idea, Mister Watson, Run further into a unknown maze with a
hungry bengal tiger chasing us!" Scolded the Huge hamster.
"Well, How was I supposed to know that all the animals had escaped
thier habitat's?" Whined Wd-40.
"Didn't those skeletal human remains at the bottom of the nearly
empty pool back in the Polar bear pen give you a clue?"
"Well, I was a little more concerned that you might see it as form of
suicide worth considering in your current depressed condition, Sir."
Whined Wd-40, "And I really thought it was good idea, putting a coin
in the machine to see the dancing black bears at the time..."
"Yeah... even I thought they'd be safe too, until they immediately
came right over the fence at us when the coin box opened that bloody
"And I'm sorry I was wrong about, the primate house being a good
place to hide!" Whined Wd-40 grabbing the overgrown hamster in a
huge, and breaking down into a full throated cry.
The huge hamster looked uncomfortable at Wd-40 sudden display of
emotion, gently patted Wd-40 on the shoulder, "Well, Um...
Everything would've worked out if that Silverback gorilla hadn't
ripped off... ahh... who did you call it again?"
"Archieeee!" Cried Wd-40 going into another louder cry.
"Um, Yeah - Archie. And tried stuffing ole' Archie up your nose for
your right hand flipping the bird at him so much. But hey, even I
gotta admit it certainly provided us with a good get away when Archie
startled everybody by wriggling out his hand and swimming off into
that awful smoking green gunk they had for water in there."
"Poor archie, he's got no home..." Snifled Wd-40.
"I don't think we have to worry about that... Hey, Look! I think see
the center of this maze beyond this hedgerow!" Said the hamster while
breaking away from Wd-40 emotional hug, and pushing aside some of the
evergreen plants to reveal a large circular Goldfish & Koi pond with
a island in the center with a small footbridge leading to it beyond.
"And It looks like there's a small stairwell leading down on that
little island over there. Come On, that might be the way out of
here!" Called the multilipidous hamster as he scrambled through the
hedgerow and dashed accross to the footbride.
"Panic mode disengaged." remarked Wd-40 as he quickly followed.
"Well, this looks promising. There's a authentication card slot next
to the door at the bottom of the stairs." Says the hamster as he
crosses the bridge and goes down the stairs, "I'll use my card."
The door quickly swishes open, letting in a rush of air, and
revealing a grand opening banner ribbon hanging just beyond.
"It seems this place has even been openned since the Blue Dwarf was
built! Do you think any of the animals might have taken up residence
here?" Said the Huge hamster.
"Engage, Lie Mode." Remarked Wd-40, "Why, no sir, How many animals
around here have ID cards?"
"Your forgetting we're on the Blue Dwarf, aren't you?"
"Lie Mode Disengaged... Why, whatever do you mean?" Quipped Wd-40.
The overgrown hamster simply rolled his eyes skyward and stepped
forward breaking the ribbon, causing the lights suddenly come on in
the room, revealing a spacious hardwood floored area with a full bar
at one end, several doors, windows, and alcloves with fake minature
palm trees along the sides.
A odd looking silver orb robot hung from a ceiling track with two
large white gloved hands and a red bow tie blew a party favor...
>Fawheee!< And quickly spoke in a very gentlemanly manner, "Let me
be the first to welcome you to the Officer's Club! I am Wix240, your
bartender, waiter, and general servant at your service. If you'd like
something to drink I can fix you something at the bar. If you'd
prefer something to eat, I can seat you and your friend in the dining
"There's a dining room?" Inquired the surprised hamster.
"Yes, through the door on the right, and on the left, we have a
complete officers recreation area on - with a Zero G v-ball court, a
spherical tubular swimming pool, a Sauna, and a Jacuzzi." Answered
"What's a 'Spherical tubular' swimming pool?" Asked the dumbfounded
"A tubular swimming pool is a uniquely controlled environment,
Normally, such swimming pools were originally created in wheel space
stations, where along the central rotating hub, humans created a
large tubular swimming pool in which the water was merely pulled to
the sides by centrifugal force. But, I expect that this particular
swimming environment, is an advance of the that earlier technique, in
which the water is kept in a 360 degree sidewall coverage of the pool
area by using special gravity technology. So that in the center, the
enterance ladders and diving boards are located, and a completely
zero gravity field is maintained. Which, as I understand, allows for
a most entertaining game of beachball, as your fellow players can be
up the convex water curve of you as well as above you!" Remarked Wd-
40, "I think it would be the perfect place for you to relax..."
"Swimming inside a sphere? I think I'd be barfing to much to relax,
but now a Sauna, and perhaps something to drink..." Replied the
"What alcoholic beverage, would you like sir?" Inquired Wix240.
"Got anything Non-alcoholic, like Tea?"
"An Alcoholic Beverage, would be a excellent relaxant and help you
talk your mind off things, sir." injected Wd-40.
"Wellll... I dunno, the last time I really got drunk, I woke up as a
six foot, one inch Hamster, when just the night before I used to be
human." Mused the big hamster
"I'll pay, and I'll make sure nothing untoward happens to you."
"oh, Alright, I suppose one drink can't hurt." Relented the overgrown
"Any specific kind beverage?" Inquired Wix240 patiently.
"Well, what have you got?"
"We're completely stocked. And I'm programmed to mix any drink known
to mankind, and a few known to gelf kind too." Replies Wix240
formally, "Plus I can freehand any drink if you tell me how to make
it. So you just have to tell me what you want, and I'll make it..."
"Geez, I haven't drank anything for so long, I don't know what to ask
for. Um... Ah, Give me something Blue!" Replies the hamster, "and
"I have a glass of Silcon lubricant #435." Says Wd-40.
"Very good, sirs. The Sauna is on your left, just off the men's
locker room. I will bring you your towels and drinks, in just a
moment." Replies Wix240, shooting off to the bar.
Several hours later, in a nicely bubbling Jacuzzi...
"Ya knnnooowwww... I'm, I'm surrrprisssed, That none of the udder...
Uh... Other Officers, never knew about thissshh placesh... I
sssssuppossssee it'sss our little sssecret now, Huh?" Said an
extremely bombed hamster wearing a party hat to a equally rat arsed
looking Wd-40 sitting next to him in the water wearing some sort of
goofy looking clown outfit.
"Hehehheheh" Giggled Wd-40 dropping his glass into the Jacuzzi for
the jillionth time, causing Wix240 to fish it out and hand back to
"Ssssank you... Reshhhhfill?" commentted Wd-40 tipping the glass
"I'm sorry sir, but I think you've both had your limit for today."
"Oh, sshhhow Rude! Lesh, Go getssss ssssome more at... at...
Paroah's... um, Parrotsss." Lisped the drunken hamster getting out of
the Jacuzzi and staggering for the door.
"Riigght." Said Wd-40 following him with a 45 degree tilt.
A half hour later, as they openned door and entered Phil FeBuggure's
"Hey Phil, my boy! Got anything good to drink?" hailed the huge
hamster traiping in, followed by Wd-40 lugging a Black bear with it's
head stuck through a wooden fence, and Archie sticking out it's back.
Wd-40 started, "Yeah... Wessshhh brought a ssstufed & mounted bear,
to trade with ya. After that b*tch Wix..."
White Wolf whirled, and made the Shushing motion to Wd-40.
"Excusssse me. I can't ussse that term anymore... Woman in
comfortable shoes refused to serve us any more liquor..." Finished Wd-
40, then burping loudly.
"I think you've already had too much." Remarked Phil while holding
the remaining hangover remedy he was administering to Jay.
"NoneSssenshhhe... We're Sstttill thrisstty..." remarked the hamster
quickly grabbing the bottle out of Phil's hand and guzzling it
down. "YUCK! This tastes like bad pepto bismo..."
There was loud >>>THUMP<<<< as the hamster suddenly fell over onto