The Trouble with Weevils
"I was reading Elwood's report, apparently there are a family of Space Weevils hiding on the ship, he said scans indicate a large brood in the promenade air conditioning"
Timmy poured the contents of the bottle into the ashtray and placed it into the airvent
"Get that out of there"
"No," Timmy sealed the hatch and backed against it, Canazza tried to kick Timmy out of the way but he was holding on too hard, he eventually managed to wrench the droid free and opened the hatch, but he was too late, the ashtray was empty of liquid.
Who: Canazza, Timmy,
Where: Ventilation ducts over the promenade
When: Shortly after the snip
Canazza was lying flat on his stomach, he had a weapon pointing forwards, the lamp on the muzzle lit the way ahead. Canazza had a rather substantial backpack on and night-vision goggles.
There was a squeaking noise coming from up ahead.
"Are you sure it's necessary to wield that massive rig with you" asked Timmy, "I mean, you could quite easily have brought a bazookoid"
"What, and blow a great big hole in the ducting and have us fall 30ft to our doom?"
"good point, but really, A flame-thrower? you're just a big meanie aren't you"
"It's the only one that won't do much structural damage to the ducting, it's made of a non-conducting alloy, therefore it won't be damaged by heat"
"Yeh, but the poor weevils will"
"Would you rather see me burned alive or them"
"Well..." Timmy began, but Canazza cut him off
"Shhh... hear that?" Canazza pointed to the grating infront of them that led into the main pump section, "They're in there"
Canazza unscrewed the nuts around the grating and carefully removed it, so as not to startle the weevils, he activated the night-vision goggles, "Holy mother of - "
"What?" asked Timmy
"Thousands of them" Canazza said plainly, "All of them hairier than Brian Blessed"
"surely there wasn't enough of that liquid to make them all hairy"
"Apparently their offspring are born hairy" Canazza could see the mound of weevils rise higher and higher, "And they're multiplying like rabbits injected with viagra which have been watching the best porno in the universe for 2 days straight"
"Ever watched Star trek?" asked Timmy,
"I saw this episode once," timmy continued, "Probably the only one I watched" Timmy Lied, "It was about these furry little creatures, and they infested the enterprise and multiplied, and they emptied out onto people at the most inappropriate moments"
"How did it end?"
"They got rid of them and went home"
"Idiot, how did they get rid of them?"
Their conversation went on too long, the weevils had multiplied so much in the past 20 seconds that the ducting began to buckle.
"we have to get out of here" Canazza began to back away, "Even if i flame them the duct will still - "Just as Canazza was about to finish the ties gave way and the section of duct they were in teetered downwards, and both Canazza and Timmy slid backwards out of the duct and fell the 7ft to the ground, landing in a flowerbed in the middle of the promenade.
"30ft my arse" scowled Timmy
"Okay, so we weren't in a high up one," A bunch of weevils tumbled out too and began scurrying around in Canazza's mad Afro. He swiped it aside and inserted the flame-thrower into the ducting and fired. The high-pitched squeals of the Weevils filled the air,
"Look!" Timmy exclaimed pointing to another vent, where more of the hairy weevils were tumbling out, "They're everywhere"
Canazza ran over to a terminal, "Hol,"
"Yes Dave," the balding computer pliped up on screen
"Can you tell me how many weevils are aboard?"
"around 10,000, give or take a few, and they're doubling every 3 hours"
"Where are they getting the food from?"
"Well," the computer paused, obviously taxing the extremities of his intelligence, "They probably got into McDonalds," A troupe of Weevils burst out of the monitor, Canazza walked over to another one.
"I don't see how they could get any food from there"
"Eating their weak young?"
"gross, try again." Holly paused a long time, and finally
"According to 'whatweevilseat.com' weevils eat bugs, hamsters and small grey kittens, they also enjoy grain, vegetables and horseradish sauce"
"Disgusting, who would eat horseradish sauce" Canazza failed to notice Timmy surfing on a tidalwave of Weevils behind him
"they have it in McDonalds as a Ketchup substitute"
"So that's why I never tastes quite right," Canazza paused, "I have a plan"Name: Dave Canazza
Status: The Plan man