A Strange, Scary and Confusing Time...
James was muttering angrily, "The communications officers always get the
crap. They're either ignored all the time apart from when they say "hailing
frequencies open" or they get abducted by aliens all the time..."
James reached the Captain's office, and knocked on the door.
"Come in!" the Captain said cheerfully.
Too cheerfully.
James opened the door, then dived to the ground as a pair of shotgun shells
were embedded in the wall behind him.
"So! The elves think they can fool me that way do they? I'll show them! I'll
show them all!" the Captain rambled.
He was crouched behind an upturned desk, carefully eyeing the corners of the
room. James thought for a second and then said, "Captain, we have an
epidemic on our hands!"
"What sort?" the Captain said.
James thought for a second, "Niples didn't say sir, but I'm gonna take a
wild guess and say it induces hallucinations!"
"Well tell him to deal with it himself! The elves are trying to siege my
office here!"
James considered his situation, realised he had fulfilled both his orders
and job description, then ran like hell.
-------------------------
Efof was situated in the middle of a flight exam, which wasn't a huge
problem. His examiner had been acting a little weird, but then again humans
always did. Okay so the examiner kept pointing at things that weren't there,
and talking about things that weren't happening, but Efof had learnt about
that already. It was called theatre. Then he caught the virus.
----------------
Now one of the many pleasures most people enjoy, is not understanding the
Ffionian reproductive system. Many generations ago, when Ffionian scientists
were busy getting rid of everything unpleasant in the world, they found on
their list a floor with their current reproductive system, it was both A:
unfair and B: sticky.
Unfair because the male's got three minutes of fun and the women got months
of feeling sick followed by hours of feeling pain. Sticky because...
Anyway their genetic engineers were removed from their project to make the
ear look pretty, and onto solving this problem.
In the end they invented an airborn virus to carry DNA from one subject to
the next, it would travel up (ahem) trunk and into the subjects womb,
coincidentally where most humans store their brain. What would happen if
this virus went up your nose and into your brain, no one was ever sure of.
---------
Efof sneezed, and thought nothing of it. Then continued with the exam.
Is Efof "Up the duff"?
In the middle of deep space where are you going to find the breeding virus
of a species dead for five hundred years?
How the hell did this freak think that system of biology up?
If these questions are answerred, will any of us be able to eat again?
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