Jed + Eddie "Sloppy second chances" pt1Posted by
Posted: Nov 29, 2006, 6:01pm
Who: Jed Calvert and some goons
Where: Some filthy saloon at the far end of the Promenade
When: A while after Evil Jay appears
The far end of the promenade was home to all the bars and clubs that
could be described in many ways. Today's word is "skanky".
Jed Calvert was sat in a smokey bar surrounded by dirty looking men
with greasy hair and ruffled leather jackets. Despite their scruffy
demeanour, all of the men were laden with gold rings and jewellery.
This was the lowest form of life on the Blue Dwarf. The scumbags that
had a rank lower than the chef's slave's child's slave's pet mouse's
slave. Yet they had scratched a living by stealing, cheating and more
stealing to buy themselves some bling.
Jed stared at the men across a poker table. Jed wasn't into the bling
like the rest of them, he was just into the stealing and cheating. He
tipped his cowboy hat and laid down a set of random cards.
Every single one of the men's shifty eyes squinted. "What's them?"
said one of them, who obviously had no concept of the English language.
"That's be cheating surely!" he said. And scrabbled to get his own
money back from the table.
"No I `aint!" Said Jed. "That's be a sure fire hand right there it's
a a Straight Royal Niples flush."
"Ah sure `aint heard of a gorram Royal Niples flush sounds all ponsy
"Well you have now, so I'd be taking your money gentlemen, and bid you
all goodnight "
Jed happily chomped down on his cigar and scooped up the money on the
table. Until a large hand clamped down on his to stop him.
"You're a cheat. A crook!" said the man. He was a large man with arms
the size of fat Germans, and tattoos on the insides of his eyelids.
But none of this made a difference. Jed wasn't' fussy with who he got
angry with, and this man was making him angry.
"You sure better get yer hand off me and let me walk outta here with
mah rightful earnings you don't want to see me get mad!"
With the hallucination virus still around, such a phrase might have
made Jed turn green and blow up like the incredible hulk, but he
remained the skinny wirey man he was.
"Yeah, think you're someone special eh do yer?" said the man, who then
tried to punch him. But it was a slow, laboured punch that Jed could
easily duck out of the way and watch the man fall over from the sudden
shift in his own weight.
"Yeh, I'm the Captain." Said Jed. "And I can afford hired goons."
Three figures walked out of the shadows and proceeded to look
menacing. One was Evil Jay wearing a cape and wilding a katana and one
was Freddy Kruger. Unfortunately also there was Barney the dinosaur
chomping the leg of a Morris Dancer.
Evil Jay cracked his knuckles. "Want us to take care of these guys
boss?" he said to Jed.
"Right on. Then go collect the racket from the shops on the Promenade
ah've got a little job to take care of."
Amidst the fighting, Eddie Monsoon walked into the dirty bar and
picked over the comatose bodies and sat opposite Jed, who was sat
there calmly chomping on his cigar.
"I got your message." Said Eddie.
< To be continued... >